Posted at 2:00 PM May 08, 2008
Ladies and gentlemen, and I just found my perfect geek shirt. It's stylish. It's simple. It directly references an old toyline/cartoon, without spelling it out so people know you're a nerd. It is, in a word, perfection.
May I present you with the Evil Robot shirt? If you don't recognize this little design, then go away and let me talk to my fellow Masters of the Universe nerds. Yea, my brothers, this is indeed the sticker from Faker's chest, the one hidden under his orange chestplate. I simply cannot stand how awesome this is. The best part is you can wear it, and no one will ever know that you're an evil robot (although having blue skin might raise some concern). Order it here from the geniuses at The Super Designs.
Posted at 11:54 AM May 08, 2008
Usually, dressing for the San Diego Comic con means finding your nerdiest T-shirt, pit stains be damned. But Cobra Commander is a man of class, a man with style. He's getting dolled up in his finest three-piece suit to be Hasbro's G.I. Joe exclusive for the con, as per issue #38 of Marvel's old Joe comic. The figure will come with a podium and microphone (it'll be a Cobra podium, despite the pic above); Hasbro's even made a goofy little video for the figure here.
Posted at 10:56 AM May 08, 2008
I had no intention of posting on this, but since every other entertainment site has, I figured I'd better jump on the bandwagon. Above, you can see the poster for the upcoming Clone Wars movie/series. The character models still look like hell. There's still Anakin's female padawan Ahsoka, a grim reminder that this show will be Lucas' attempt to make Star Wars appeal to girls. I'm not excited. I don't know why everyone else is.
In slightly more interesting Clone Wars news, there will be a new trailer debuting tonight at 7:58 pm on TNT, TBS, Cartoon Network, Boomerang and CNN. I'll likely have it for you tomorrow, so don't go out of your way to watch it.
Posted at 9:59 AM May 08, 2008
You guys know about Hasbro's Superhero Squad, right? The kiddie Marvel Superhero toys that look like the Star Wars Galactic Heroes and Transformers Robot Heroes? Well, deciding that driving from elementary school to elementary school and handing out comics from an unmarked van might be a bad idea, Marvel has decided to make a cartoon based on Superhero Squad for the kiddies. Gets 'em while they're young. Sez the Hollywood Reporter:
The Marvel Entertainment division said it is producing 26 half-hour episodes of a new "super stylized" animated series aimed at 6- to 8-year-olds. It will feature such well-known heroes as Iron Man, Hulk, Wolverine, Thor, Fantastic Four and Captain America; all occupy a caricatured Super Hero City and are thrust into humorous adventures as they thwart the villainous plans of Doctor Doom, Magneto, Loki, the Abomination and others.
The cartoon would premiere next year. My one hope is that since Hasbro made a Superhero Squad Ultimate Giant Man for the line, he'll also show up in the cartoon as well, and hitting the Wasp and attacking her with bug spray. Because I don't think it's ever to early to teach children that assaulting women means Captain America will beat the ever-loving shit out of you.
Posted at 4:03 PM May 07, 2008
IESB got this exclusive pic of Destro from the upcoming live-action G.I. Joe movie, just as one might exclusively get herpes from an untrustworthy sexual partner. Now, I'm well aware of the fact that this Destro will (SPOILER ALERT) put the silver mask on at some point in the film, and/or get it permanently stuck on his noggin. But that does not make me any happier; how hard would it be to just have him wearing the goddamn mask from frame 1? Why not do that, if only to please the fans? Why bother with a face-mask-origin-story (which sounds a hell of a lot like Dr. Doom's origin) anyway? Oh G.I. Joe movie, you will never please me.
Posted at 10:03 AM May 07, 2008
Since Hellsing is still one of the most popular anime in the U.S.—after only a 13 episode series from 5+ years ago and a new OVA series that only barely got released before Geneon bought it—I'm surprised there's not been more Hellsing product being made. Organic Hobby's doing their part with this clunkily named Hellsing Collection Figure – Search & Destroy (Vol. 2) Reverse Cross (Arucard) and Bayonet (Anderson) two-figure set for $25. The 5-inch figures are due out in July, so you'll almost certainly be able to get this before a new volume of Hellsing Ultimate makes it over.
Posted at 5:04 AM May 07, 2008
By Brian Heiler
It's a tale as old as time. As a child, there are toys you love more than life itself. Chances are, these toys make noises, messes, can be destroyed in many spectacular ways, all of which irritated your parents to no end. Then you grow up. You put away your childhood toys (and get better, more expensive versions of those toys, and you call yourself a collector). You get a job. Meet a boy or girl. Get married. Have kids. And those kids want the same damn toys, except now you hate them too, just like your parents did. Welcome to the eight toys that will forever delight children and annoy adults.
Read more "The 8 Classic Toys..." >>
Posted at 1:55 PM May 06, 2008
If you thought I was being racist, shame on you. It's not my fault that Sideshow Toy has decided to make the lovely and dead Jedi Aayla Secura and a midget in a black Royal Guard outfit as their Star Wars San Diego Comic Con exclusives. Aayla is a new 12-inch figure, and as you can see, she has nice fabric robes which will hopefully be machine washable for when the fanboys wank all over 'em. The Shadow Guard is part of Medicom's Star Wars vinyl collectible doll, which would be awesome if it were also a 12-inch figure instead of a goofy vinyl style thing, but it's not, so I've stopped caring. (Via Jedi Insider)
Posted at 1:59 PM May 05, 2008
Although these are the second set of Sex Pistols Kubricks offered by Medicom, there's just something about an teeny Sid Vicious I can't resist—I think I find it awesome when small, cute things do heroin (which is why I give kitten their first hit free). The four-pack includes (left to right) Johnny Rotten, Sid, Steve Jones and Paul Cook, and if you missed the first set released in 2006, you'd best order this one here. Adorable anarchy in the U.K.!
Posted at 11:03 AM May 05, 2008
Wondering why the hell Mezco hadn't announced a Future Hiro figure from its three waves of Heroes figures or recently announced Toys "R" Us exclusives? Well, wonder no more: Mezco did indeed make one, and they're going to make him exclusive to the San Diego Comic Con and their online store, according to ToyNewsI. If you're not attending (or don't want to deal with the uncertainty of fighting the SDCC crowds) you can pre-order him here for a mere $30.
But seriously, where's the Mohinder love? As the greatest toy of 2008, you'd think Mezco would be churning out the variants and exclusives. Why, he could be wearing a different color sweater underneath his jacket, or have a slightly more confused expression on his face! He could come with a variant open man-purse! Do I have to do all the thinking for you, Mezco?
Posted at 11:04 AM May 01, 2008
If you don't know Suckadelic—remix maestro of masterpieces like Star Wars Breakbeats and bootleg toy designer extraordinaire—you should. Having made a few star Wars-sized figured like the Suck Lord, he's set his sights on something smaller, namely the Micronuggets, a fantabulous combination of the Micronauts and Fisher Price Little People. First up is the Time Straggler; Sucklord makes 'em all by hand, so there's only 40 of 'em to be had, and they each come with a moonbase. Order 'em here. (Via Plastic and Plush)
Posted at 2:34 PM Apr 30, 2008
The line of products kind of hurts my head a little, but it's true—there will be a short, 4-minute CG
Lego Indiana Jones cartoon on May 10th, airing at 9 p.m. on Cartoon Network.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull star Shia The Beef will host it (can you really host a 4-minute cartoon?), which will be titled
Raiders of the Lost Brick. Astute nerds will remember that CN and Lego did the same thing for
Lego Star Wars with a
Revenge of the Brick cartoon a few years ago. Oh, that video is a trailer for the game, not the cartoon. Although they'll look exactly alike.
Posted at 1:31 PM Apr 30, 2008
There is a traitor in G.I. Joe's midst, and shockingly,I'm not talking about the G.I. Joe movie. No, it's the 25th Anniversary Duke figure in Wave 7 from Hasbro, in which one fan has noticed a small variant from the normal figure, which is usually packed with an American flag:
Duke, you bastard. You think you know a super-patriotic Aryan guy with a flat-top, and then this happens.
There are actually two explanations for this: 1) G.I. Joe has always been incredibly popular in India for some reason, and thus could be one of its variants that accidentally made it onto American shores, or 2) it's a big, fat hoax. Either way, I may never trust again. (Via 16bit)
Posted at 2:00 PM Apr 29, 2008
What a sexy day this has been! The adorable and very naughty Gia has passed me this wonderful link to the ancient sex manual the Kama Sutra as performed by two consenting Terminators. I've picked my favorite, but I highly recommend you head here to see the other 14 erotic possibilities. It makes one wonder how the damn robots ever bothered to head back in the past to kill Connors, as their future seems just fine, human resistance not withstanding.
Posted at 5:07 AM Apr 29, 2008
By Jon Gutierrez
If there was any doubt that there's money to be made from exploiting '80s toy nostalgia, Transformers rolled right over it. Love it or hate it, there's no denying that Spielberg took our love for our childhood toys and managed to squeeze three hundred million dollars out of our Xmas memories of ripping open Optimus Prime.
Which explains all the other 80's toy related movies supposedly in the works like G.I. Joe, Thundercats and He-Man (which all already had movies, if you count Thundercats Ho...or the porn flick of the same name). But while Hollywood may be knocking down the door of the toy companies behind those A-list properties, there are still a ton of toy aisle pegwarmers that aren't getting deals, either because they didn't sell or because you'd need a Joe-Eszterhas-level madman to try and adapt their storylines. Here are 10 flicks you won't be seeing next summer.
Read more "The 10 ‘80s Toylines..." >>
Posted at 2:03 PM Apr 28, 2008
I know this toy's been out for a while, but since I had to see it on virtually every table in the Dealer's Room at Botcon, it's kind of been on my mind. This is a fully transformable Soundwave toy—he looks enough like the original '80s toy for me (although I'm sure my fellow Botcon attendees could tell me differently), both in his robot mode and his cassette player mode. But instead of playing cassettes, this Soundwave plays MP3s...as long as you have an SD memory card. Given that most of the Soundwave re-issues—whether it be the Japanese one or the U.S. Toys "R" Us" [THAT I COULD NEVER FUCKING FIND GODDAMMIT] from a couple of years ago will usually run you $80-$200, an MP3-playing Soundwave is a pretty good deal. Buy it here, but watch out as there's a pretty neat black version and a terrible white version in addition to the regular blue.
Posted at 10:07 AM Apr 28, 2008
McFarlane Toy revealed its San Diego Comic Con exclusives, and I'll be darned if it isn't a kind of cool Spawn figure. Well, really it's a Halo 3 Spartan figure, painted in Spawn colors, and called a Hell Spartan. Hey, it made me pay attention, and I haven't thought about Spawn figures in at least five years. It's going to be sold with one of those lame "active camoflage" Spartans, which just means cheap clear plastic, and there'll be no separating the two when you get 'em at SDCC. Hope you don't mind.
Posted at 1:58 PM Apr 25, 2008
I'm heading to Botcon this weekend (for ToyFare, but if any see anything fun I'll let you guys know), so I was in a Transformers mood when hunting for today's erotic fan fiction, although I was very nearly swayed by a Goof Troop entry. But I'm glad I had the willpower, because I never would have learned that the heroic Autobots take group showers daily! Unfortunately, one day little Bumblebee arrives late in this story by author Kettle:
“That you, Bumblebee?” Startled, Bumblebee turned around. Optimus Prime was looking over the partition, beads of water gleaming on his paintwork.
The idea of Optimus Prime peeking over a shower stall at a bathing Bumblebee is one I was happily take to my grave. Naturally, Bumblebee's lust for his heroic leader makes the whole thing uncomfortable, as the VW bug doesn't want Prime to notice his robo-rection (to coin a terrible term). And Prime doesn't make it easy on the poor lad:
“Could you help me out?” the red truck asked. “I can’t reach my back.” The yellow bug carefully made his way around the partition, watching his step on the wet tiles. He gazed up at his leader. Prime was covered in foam. Bumblebee watched, mesmerised, as a blob of the stuff slid slowly down Prime’s engine block and fell to the floor.
I would like you to try to imagine Peter Cullen, the original voice of Optimus Prime, speaking these lines as well as the later ones, as it makes quite a difference. The shower passes without incident, but that night, Bumblebee has a wet dream. I'm skipping over it, as it's graphically messy and emotionally messy for me. The next day, Bumblebee takes a chance, and asks Prime to help him buff some spots on his back in Prime's personal quarters.
Bumblebee gulped. It was now or never. “…you remember those posters we used to have in the base back on Cybertron – ‘Sometimes we all need a hug’?” [The yellow bug said.] Optimus chuckled and for a second Bumblebee was afraid. Then a moment later the Autobot leader slid his arms around Bumblebee’s waist, pulling him flush against his cab and engine block.
“You mean like this?” he asked. Bumblebee shifted a little in Prime’s arms and stifled a moan at the demanding pressure in his pelvic unit. He looked up into Prime’s optics and decided to keep going.
“And… you remember how ‘hug’ didn’t always mean just a hug?”
Bumblebee's gamble pays off, as we know it would. Prime is nothing if not a warm-hearted leader of robots.
Prime chuckled. “I’m surprised you didn’t come to me sooner,” he remarked. “After that night in decon…”
Bumblebee reactivated his optics and looked up at the big truck. “I’m that obvious, huh?” He looked away, his voice dropping to a murmur. “I was worried you’d say no. You know, leader, scout, chain of command stuff…”
Prime stroked the yellow Autobot’s roof. “Every Autobot is welcome in my bed, Bumblebee,” he murmured seriously. “And you did save my life.”
And Prime gives and he gives until Bumblebee can't take no more. But here's where the story takes a dramatic turn. Although Prime is happy to be there for his subordinates, it turns out that the life of a leader can be a lonely one...but Bumblebee is determined to repay Prime's kindness.
“It’s not that,” Prime replied awkwardly. He relaxed his grip on the smaller Autobot. “It’s just –” He looked down at his groin. “I’m – big.”
Bumblebee grinned at him. “Hey, I can handle it.”
Prime nodded slowly. “All right.” He let go of Bumblebee’s arm. Bumblebee carefully undid the bolts on Prime’s crotchplate, then removed it altogether.
“Whoa!” Bumblebee stared as Optimus’ big pole extended from his crotch – a thick, blue rod a staggering one point two metres in length. Prime looked at him, then down at the warm steel between his legs.
“I didn’t want to scare you,” he explained.
I shan't spoil the rest for you; you're more than welcome to read it here. And if you're attending Botcon this weekend, please 1) don't beat me up or 2) tell me about your fan fiction.
Posted at 11:55 AM Apr 25, 2008
I stayed quiet when Disney had an exclusive Indiana Jones action figure, available only at their theme parks, well before this year's line-up had ever been announced. I bitched loudly when it was revealed that Disney was going to get a slew of exclusive Star Wars-based Mr. Potato Heads, including a Darth Maul, a Boba Fett, a Han Solo and more, but I didn't have an L.A. Weekly blog and thus no one paid attention. But now, when Disney is going to have an exclusive figurine set of the Muppets in Star Wars get-ups this summer? Well, Disney, you're going to have to deal with this:
I hate you and your ass-face! (/runs away sobbing)
Posted at 4:14 PM Apr 24, 2008
So take a look at what I got in the mail today.
Neat, huh? Despite the fact that opening someone else’s mail is a federal crime, I’m pretty nosey, and decided to open it anyways. What was inside, you ask?
Why, a whip, a fertility idol (needed one of those!), a notebook, and the Holy Grail! Admittedly, all those things are just printed on a piece of cardboard, but since my face didn’t melt off when I opened the box, I figure it evens out. Oh, when opened, a soundchip plays the Indiana Jones' theme, which is totally awesome. Even better, underneath the cardboard lay these other treasures:
• A Raiders of the Lost Ark Mr, Potato Head
• A 12-inch German Soldier (Not a Nazi, just a mean-spirited German Soldier)
• The Akator Temple Race Game
• The Indiana Jones Game of Life (Note that you can choose either the path of “fortune or glory,” which is a pretty sweet deal considering the original Game of Life lets you choose between the path of fortune or abject poverty and half a dozen hungry peg children)
• An Electronic Sound FX Whip (Can this be used as a sex you? I’ll keep you posted!)
• A 3 3/4-inch German Soldier (For those hard to reach places that the 12-inch German Soldier can’t get to)
• An Adventure Heroes two-pack
• A Shia the Beef puzzle (100 pieces of pure dreaminess!)
Now, I’m not showing you all this to show off (hell yes I am, you goddamn plebeians) but because I think it’s interesting to see what swag companies hand out to the press to get in their good graces (Note: if you are a large media or toy companies and wish to discuss this phenomenon further, email me at toplessrobot(at)gmail.com). And I wanted to assure you readers that this big box of goodies will not influence me or Topless Robot’s coverage of Indiana Jones or Hasbro’s Indy toys in the tiniest agree. I hope you come back next week, when we feature long-planned-in-advance Daily Lists like:
• 18 Reasons Indiana Jones is So Awesome
• 10 Reasons Hasbro is Today’s Finest Toy Company
• 13 Reasons Everyone Should Own Three Separate Hasbro German Soldier Action Figures
• 8 Ways I’m Willing to Whore Myself Out for your Movie/Toyline/TV Series/Etc.
Posted at 5:04 AM Apr 24, 2008
By Brian Heiler
The ladies have had an uphill climb in the male dominated action figure world. Most toy execs believe that young boys hate girls, and thus similarly hate toys of girls. What they don't realize is that 1) most toys are bought by nerds who desperately love girls in general (and boobs in specific) and would like to buy toys of girls (and their boobs) but 2) the reason those female action figures weren't bought is because they were usually ugly as sin. Nowadays it's gotten better, but for every new collector's edition of the Baroness there's been one female action figure that went horribly, terribly wrong. TR has grabbed our ugly stick and found nine not-so-lovely toy lady figures that make Zira from Planet of the Apes look downright hittable.
Read more "The 9 Most Tragically..." >>
Posted at 11:09 AM Apr 22, 2008
16bit alerted us that Hasbro is currently showing off some of their new 3 3/3-inch (i.e., G.I. Joe-sized) Indiana Jones action figures, and wow, there's a lot of grails going on here. You can see Young Indy and Old Man Jones (with a grail) above, and you can head here to see Indy, darned Nazi Colonel Vogel, darned Nazi Elsa Schnieder (with grail), and a Grail Knight (with grail). I'm pretty sure these Last Crusade figures will be out a few months after the first wave of figures hit with the new movie in May.
Posted at 11:13 AM Apr 21, 2008
There's too much info for me to be cute with it, so here's the run-down:
MARVEL LEGENDS (Hasbro)
Hulk Wave: Savage She-Hulk, Wendigo, Hulk - The End, Scar - Son of Hulk, World War Hulk - King Hulk, Grey Hulk, Doc Sampson, and Absorbing Man. These will be released as two waves, one in August and one in October, and the build-a-figure will be the 15-inch Fin Fang Foom.
??? Wave: Red Hulk, Spiral, Adam Warlock, Union Jack, Silver Savage, Black Spider-Man and Wolverine Black. They'll be out in September and will be a Target exclusive wave.
Nemesis Wave: Nova, Black Bolt, Tigra, Tim Bradstreet Punisher with camo variant, and Yellow Daredevil with red variant, and Astonishing X-Men Beast. The build-a-figure will be Nemesis, natch. This wave is now a Wal-Mart exclusive, and due in December.
Two-packs: Elektra/Ronin, Ultimate Classic Cap/Ultimate Fury, SHIELD Agent/Red Hand Ninja, Forge/Wolverine, Skrull/Kree and three others.
There are plenty o' Marvel Legends pics here at Marvelous News.com.
DC UNIVERSE CLASSICS (Mattel)
Wave 4: Cyborg, Batman Beyond, Captain Atom (with gold variant), Wonder Woman (with Artemis variant) and Ares. The build-a-figure is Despero, and the wave will be out in the summer.
Wave 5: Amazo, Atom, Riddler (in his business suit), Eradicator and Black Lightning. The build-a-figure is Metallo. This wave is a Wal-Mart exclusive, due in the fall.
Wave 6: Hawkman, Black suit n' mullet Superman, Mr. Miracle and more. Due in the fall.
Two-packs: Batgirl/Azreal and Light Ray/Orion are Toys "R" Us exclusives, out in August.
SDCC Exclusive: Lobo and his dog.
And there's a mess o' DC Universe pics here at ToyNewsI.
Posted at 10:14 AM Apr 21, 2008
For me, when I think of an action figure or even a toy, I think of He-Man. The toyline dominated my childhood, and between it's wild range of bizarre characters and uniquely awesome action figures, I honestly feel like the line set the bar for toys. I bought every single one of the doomed recent toyline, and had been waiting to hear what Mattel's bg He-Man toy announcement was going to be at NYCC.
The announcement was this: Mattel will release Masters of the Universe Classics, which are highly articulated, better sculpted 6-inch versions of the original '80s line (there are more details at He-Man.org, if you're interested). It's not the awesome, modern reinterpretation that was recent line. It's the same old boots and loincloths, and somewhat better heads, although it will include characters from the old and new cartoons like Prince Adam's mom Queen Marlena (which I am terrifically excited by). To be honest, I was hoping for more of the recent line, which were uniformly better than the old figures; this is like souping up an '86 Ford Taurus instead of a brand-new BMW. I mean, I'll still buy them all, mostly because I'm not very bright. Oh, by the way, that figure above is King Grayskull, who is He-Man's ancestor, a giant, and an exclusive to the San Diego Comic Con. If you'll excuse me, I need to beg my boss to send me to SDCC.
Posted at 12:37 PM Apr 18, 2008
Credit where credit's due—the magnificent WWTDD has a huge exclusive in pics of most of the live-action G.I. Joe movie cast in their outfits. You should totally go over there to see the pics as is just and right, but since their site is running slower than hell, I'm giving you one. Anyways, hey! It's Storm Shadow and the Baroness!
...yeah. I promise you that this maskless Storm Shadow and glasses-less Baroness are the best of the bunch (there's a pic of Storm shadow in a white suit that makes him look like he's running a southern plantation and a pic of the Baroness in big sunglasses that just makes me want to cry). If you make it onto WWTDD, you can see Duke in the same boring unnecessarily detailed body armor as Scarlett, Ripcord in the same boring unnecessarily detailed body armor as Duke, Cover Girl looking just absolutely nothing like Cover Girl (TR buddy Sean points out she looks like the first Becky from Roseanne in camo), a few more shots of Snake Eyes and Scarlett and an okay General Hawk.
So...yeah.
Posted at 4:02 PM Apr 17, 2008
All right, toy nerds, I want you to sit down. Because although this rumor is very exciting, it is still just a rumor. See, Hasbro's running one of its fan contests where we nerds get to pick 10 25th Anniversary figures of our choice out of a possible 62—check it out here. Very nice, very good. But see choice #58? The figure called "Specialist Trakker"?
He ain't no Joe.
The rumor is he's Matt Trakker, the star of M.A.S.K., the non-Joe scale toyline owned by Kenner (who was bought by Hasbro). Adam Pawlus, toy wizard of 16bit.com, saw a Wal-Mart figure listing which has a single figure merely called "MASK." Coincidence? Or is Hasbro thinking of bringing M.A.S.K. back at Joe-scale? Or is this just a fun freebie that will cause toy nerds to simultaneously pee and poop in their pants? Or did Hasbro just misspell "Tracker," and it's some bullshit re-deco of Spirit? Hell, even I'm excited by this, and I don't give two shits for M.A.S.K.
Posted at 9:25 AM Apr 17, 2008
Congrats to JoBlo.com, who got the second character image from the live-action G.I. Joe movie—namely Scarlet, as played by Alias' Rachel Nichols. Unfortunately, as much as Scarlet is trying to sway me by presenting her ass to the camera, I remain disapproving. Yes she's got red hair, and bonus points for the crossbow. But her "battle armor" is generic action movie of the highest order, covered in those mysterious and needless grooves that seem to be so popular with the heroes nowadays. Now, I don't expect Scarlet to wear this, necessarily:
But I would like to remind the G.I. Joe movie makers that they already have a character whose schtick is wearing black armor, so maybe they could check out the other colors in the Crayola crayon box.
Posted at 2:04 PM Apr 16, 2008
If you're a fan of sushi, it's 99% likely you're also a fan of edamame, the delicious soybeans you pop from the pods directly into your mouth. They're tasty and fun! Japan has decided to replicate the fun (but remove the deliciousness) with Infinite Edamame, a small toy that lets you pop tiny plastic, tethered beans—with a variety of faces, shown above right—from a tiny plastic soybean pod as many times as you want. I guess it's supposed to be soothing, kind of like that infinite bubble wrap popper from a while ago. But I'm betting I'd get frustrated, try to eat them, and then end up with a stomach ache and plastic soybeans in my poop. (Via Trends in Japan)
Posted at 10:00 AM Apr 16, 2008
I started working at ToyFare magazine during the infamous Watchmen issue (well, infamous around the office, at least). See, ToyFare was set to debut DC Direct's Watchmen figures back in 2001, but the Alan Moore-DC legal scrapdown led DC to cancel the line days before the magazine went to press. While this would be a disaster for any magazine, by pure coincidence that ToyFare issue had a feature about Lost Toys, i.e. toys that had been shown but never made, which the Watchmen characters fit just as well. We were saved. And I could get back to freaking out about the price of NY gas, whichthen cost an astounding $1.75.
That's a very long, useless segue to telling you that DC Direct is now making Watchmen movie toys, and, although four of them will debut at this weekend's New York Comic Con, Entertainment Weekly has a pic of two of 'em, Nite Owl and Rorschach. They're $15 each, and should be available with the movie in January '09.
Posted at 5:02 AM Apr 16, 2008
By Brian Heiler
Toy makers can put a Batman bat-symbol on anything and sell it to children; with his costume, vehicles, gadgets and large cast of characters, Batman is a merchandising dream. So what the hell do you with the Incredible Hulk, a superhero that’s not only dumb as rocks but dresses like an exhibitionist hobo? You slap his face on crap that makes no sense, that’s what, and hope that equally dumb children doesn’t realizing your toy makes no sense and buy it anyways. The Hulk has had a long history of obscenely stupid tie-in products, and Topless Robot is happy (but a little angry) to show you the ten lamest toys attached to a guy whose been stupid enough to wear purple pants for the last 40 years.
Read more "The 10 Most Incredibly..." >>
Posted at 11:20 AM Apr 15, 2008
DC Direct just sent out it's monthly toy and merchandise solicits, and it's not exactly mind-blowing. The action-figures we've pretty much all seen before, except for a 12-inch Black Canary (toys with fishnet stockings make me uncomfortable, so I'm not showing it), and a 12-inch Spirit figure from Frank Miller's upcoming movie (so it's just a dude in an all-black suit). But I'm most excited by this replica of the 1966 Batmobile, which was always Batman's sweetest ride; this thing is hand-sculpted and all the lights actually work, so it's worth saving up $250 before this thing comes out in December.
The one really exciting action figure for you nerds is likely this dude:
He's the deluxe figure in DC Direct's World of Warcraft Series 3 line, and he's a "Tauren Hunter" by the name of Brave Highmountain, which makes me giggle and throw up in my mouth at the same time.
Oh, last but not least, DC revealed two more of the Japanese, Koto-made DC statues, including a Dark Knight movie Batman and Supergirl in her popular "teen slut" outfit. Check 'em out here.
Posted at 3:00 PM Apr 14, 2008
This indie toy from Doma is 10 inches of holy, galaxy-exploring beauty.
The concept is that Jesus has been in outer space overseeing the world and will one day return to fix our problems.
Can you argue with that? No. You cannot, especially when it's a mere $40—order it here. On a totally unrelated note, if you're at all a David Bowie fan, you might want to check-up the runner-up toy of the week, and the greatest plush toy I've ever seen. $65 is a bit steep for my blood, but man, if it had been of his Ziggy Stardust era, I would have ponied up for it anyways. (Via Plastic and Plush)
Posted at 10:02 AM Apr 11, 2008
Holy smokes! Sillof, the dude who made the Victorian Justice League figures from waaaaaaay back, has set his sights on Star Wars. The results are some pretty damned awesome steampunked-out Star Wars figures (as seen at Slashfilm), and I'm happy to show 'em off. Check out Sillof's site for the how and why of the figures, along with more pics.
Posted at 10:54 AM Apr 10, 2008
Actually, this Hot Toys figure is simply of Marlon Brando in his youth, wearing a familiarly rebellious outfit. It's not a Wild One movie toy, nosirree. Just Marlon Brando. wearing jeans, a leather jacket, and a sporty hat, and called the 1953 Version, which just happens to be when The Wild One came out. But that's a coincidence.
The 12-inch figure can be pre-ordered here; it's due sometime in the late spring or early summer. It does raise the question if any other Brando figures are on the way—maybe a little Last Tango in Paris action, with a muumuu and nothing else? The mind boggles.
Posted at 3:01 PM Apr 09, 2008
My good friends know I stopped collecting Star Wars toys in 1999, after 1) realizing I would stick my arm in a filthy toilet to get a Ree-Yess figure, a la Ewan MacGregor in Trainspotting, and 2) I wanted to know the touch of a woman again. I can't buy a single Star Wars figure, because I know I'll lose my mind and be totally addicted yet again. Clearly, Hasbro doesn't care.
Look how awesome this new Millennium Falcon vehicle is! II highly recommend you click on the pic and see the hi-res version.) Separate rooms! A cockpit that can seat four! The medbay! Lights! Sounds! Missiles! Oh god, I'm starting to sweat. I think I'm just going to lie down for a minute. (Via Galactic Hunter)
Posted at 10:06 AM Apr 08, 2008
ToyNewsI has the above pic of the ninth wave of G.I. Joe 25th Anniversary Collector Figures—clockwise from the upper left, that's Hawk, Bazooka, Barbecue, Storm Shadow in mourning, a Snow Serpent and a B.A.T. (there are higher-res individual shots here)—and I'm starting to get a little disturbed. Not because of the toys per se, but because it's kind of dawned on me how many toys on mainstream toy shelves are for us old, nerdy collectors trying to recapture our childhood.
Which is fine for us, but what the hell are the kids of today going to do when they're grown up? I have a hard time imagining they'll be scrounging for collector's editions of re-released Ben 10 figures. Will they be hunting down the 50th anniversary G.I. Joe Collectors figures? Will they not care about toys at all, but instead be obsessed with video game nostalgia? Was the '80s the golden age of the action figure, which made our generation obsessed with the toys of our youth and no other? I'm going to feel kind of awkward if I end up in the nerdiest generation of all time.
Posted at 4:50 PM Apr 07, 2008
Hasbro's going to have an exclusive Mighty Mugg at the San Diego Comic Con of the golden fertility idol from Lost Ark, and I'm going to nominate it as being just as awesome as Pimpin' Lando and Sexual Predator Yoda. Admittedly, this concerns me that I have a soft spot for things with smiley faces where their penises should be. (Via Jedi Defender)
Posted at 2:51 PM Apr 07, 2008
Guys, I'm not even kidding. I know this is a Hot Wheels set. I know it's based on the Speed Racer movie. But I saw it at Target this weekend, so I know it's out, and frankly, I'd be both lying and doing you a disservice if I told you there was a cooler toy that you could buy. This race track sending cars flying into the air, has an awesome quadruple criss-cross for crashes, it accelerates the cars on its own...I honestly don't know if Hot Wheels ever needs to make another toy, that's how awesome it is. I defy you to play with this, at any age, and not have fun. Buy one for every child in your life, boy or girl, and buy one for yourself as well.
Posted at 5:04 AM Apr 07, 2008
By Brian Heiler
The United States is a land of plenty when it comes to just about everything: food sizes, guns, fat people, and even toys. Yes, our country is the one that makes it possible for one to buy figures of Batman, Halo's Master Chief, David Bowie from Labyrinth, Burgess Meredith from Rocky, and the powerless Mohinder from Heroes, just to name a few. Yes, certainly anybody who grew up in the good ol' U.S. of A. can’t complain about having a lack of choice in the action figure department.
But that doesn't mean Americans have gotten screwed a few times in the toy world. There have been a few toy lines available around the world so amazing that one could throw the stars-and-stripes on the ground and curse Lady Liberty herself. Here are six of these toy lines which are cool enough to almost make one wish he was French. (The horror!)
Read more "6 Awesome '70s Toys..." >>
Posted at 12:03 PM Apr 04, 2008
And finally, we end the morning movie news-apalooza (well, of all the news I had waiting in the TR inbox upon waking this morning) with this infinitely distressing news. I've been a bit harsh towards the live-action Joe movie in the past, what with the
