So what you're saying is.... Amidala is, essentially, Sarah Palin in space.

Yep. I can buy that :D

This list is like explaining why the silver medalist in the Special Olympic 2-legged race wasn't clever enough to get the gold.

Lets not forget the decoy in TPM.

I had totally forgotten about the insipid "dies of a broken heart" thing (I tend to block out most of the prequels) until I watched the second Robot Chicken Star Wars Special. It's mentioned in their promo for "Dr. Ball, M.D.".

It's beside the point, but I wouold watch "Dr. Ball" over CSI: Miami any day.

Did you read this before you posted?

...Sure Padmé Amidala shoot a laser blaster and look pretty, but what beauty pageant...

...Do recall that not a single other person in the galaxy dress like Queen Amidala...

...(which explains her decision to chase Anakin down after her butcher a second set of children, the Jim Henson’s jedi Babies from RotS)...

Please, please, please have someone take a look at your pieces before you publish.
You can't post a piece about Amidala being an idiot if you can't use proper tenses and formulate sentences.
Unless, you are in line to be Padme's next boyfriend.

So what you're saying is.... Amidala is, essentially, Sarah Palin in space.

Um, no, he's not. Palin's more of a Princess Leia. ;)

I still think Anakin is dumber. Anybody who turns to the Dark Side because they have a better healthcare plan....

But let's face it, the Star Wars universe is populated almost entirely be morons. How else do you explain someone wanting to make an army of clones out of a loner bounty hunter who's no @#$%ing good at his job, Jar Jar Binks getting elected to public office, everyone's continued insistence that the Sith are extinct despite a seemingly endless supply of Dark Lord of the Sith lurking in every shadowed corner, and the leading technical authority in the universe having to build a weapon the size of planet just to accomplish a feasible space-based attack.

Oh no. It looks like the grammar police entered the comments setence to kill the joy!

Great article. The Luke one was great and so was this one. Star Wars has good visuals and a rich history but the characters definitely lack some depth and intelligence. Pointing out their stupid moments is enjoyable. I like the series and I like it even more when we can point out it's many flaws.

The Prequels suck. Whether you like them or not, almost everyone find faults and flaws in them. This is true of even the best of the 3, ROTS.

The Original Trilogy was not a masterpiece by any means, but it was good escapism that allowed us to suspend our logic for pure entertainment value.

The New Trilogy is executed poorly and thus will never have the same level of joy as the OT does.

“Where did all the orphans go?” and “Why are these Foundlingburgers so delicious?”

Thanks again TR, now I have to get more coffee as I just spit this cup out whilst laughing.

I will be back soon to read more fanboy outrage!

Very nice!

I've always thought that "died of a broken heart" was medical droid for "we wish to avoid malpractice suits".

I have said this since day one: George Lucas knows NOTHING about women, and I feel sorry for his unfortunate lovers. Amidala, who was ostensibly trained to be a political figure and warrior, falls in love with Anikin, the mentally unstable creep who she used to basically babysit? And does this when in close company with Obi Wan a la Ewan McGregor?! I THINK NOT.

NO, the better plot would have been for Anikan to develop an obsessive love for her, become enraged at her love affair with Obi Wan, force himself on her, then later kill her after the twins were born. THEN his transition to the Dark Side would have been complete. But I think that is maybe a little too complex for poor George.

Instead, we get this lame ass conclusion, a sad, weak little woman dying of a broken heart, and of course the most astonishingly heartfelt reaction from the new Vader:
*mildly flailing hands*:"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo."

Brilliant. *gag*

Good list, except for #4. As a politician she would understand that personal ambition is a common motivator, and even if she was upset that wouldn't be a reason to burn a bridge with a political ally who is also the new most powerful man in the Galaxy. She would know that personal ambition is not necessarily mutually exclusive of good intentions.

Plus, he is a Sith lord and she is not trained in the force at all, so he is obviously using the dark side to obscure his true nature from her (and everybody else). If even the Jedi didn't realize the true depths of his evil how could Padme be expected to?

She didn't die of a broken heart! Why does everyone always get that wrong? It IS medically possible for a person to lose the will to live, for their body to stop fighting a disease or infection because of psychological trauma. Not even to mention that she was giving birth prematurely at the time.

@AstarteSyriaca: The obsessive love bit could have been interesting, but IMHO there's nothing to be gained by having Luke and Leia born of rape. That's a bit much.

I found the original trilogy more believable as it was more gritty...I mean the vast majority was believable and looked real...were as all the new movies are heavily blue screened. I still think that had they made more real sets and cut down on cgi the films would have been better, even with the scripts. Although I must say that I did like AOTC and ROTS...TPM is not bad but its the worst out of the saga. ROTS was great, but my favourite will probably always be ROTJ.

The special effects on the original trilogy looked more real to you? You should go back and watch the Rancor scene again. The blue screen is pretty noticable throughout the original series. My main problem with the prequels was the dialogue, which to me came off as wooden colorless. If there was one thing they should have done differently, it would be introducing a Han Solo-esque character that could humanize the movie.

AstarteSyriaca- That was awesome- Now all I can think about is the movie that wasn't.

Sorry for my constant misspelling of Anakin above, I'm just not that much of a Star Wars geek.

@Angela - I don't think it is a bit much for someone who was supposed to be evil and tainted, however it is a bit much for a family film, for certain... maybe he uses the dark side to manipulate and seduce her. But there HAD to be a better way than the moronic conclusion we were given.

Friginator: It's called satire and poetic license, you pathetic fucking feeb.

Stop bringing your seriousness to an altogether unserious blog. We want to ENJOY our nerdosity, not point out why dilithium crystals are the perfect power source for starships.

Do you need a hug?

I agree with Friginator re: the dialogue. There was absolutely no warmth or humor al a Han. It made watching it unbearable. Luckily I whinged enough that the kids adopted my beliefs.

@Friginator, please don't get me wrong, I know there was faults with the originals...but when I say 'real looking' I meant the sets and scenaries/ locations not the special effefts. The acting was not very good with a lot of the actors, but in interviews they said a lot of them found it hard working constantly against blue/green screen. Just want to say Liam Nesson (Qui Gon Jinn) comes from near where I live.

Heh, nice write-up. One of the things I dislike of Ep 1 is how everyone has to make huge, bold assumptions that are totally wrong, e.g. your occupation is at an end, the negotiations will be short. Short aside, did you know Sofia Coppola makes a cameo as one of Amidala's handmaidens? Nice Lost in Translation tidbit there.

(Remember personal info does not remember anything by the way, on Safari/Leopard anyway)

Surprised you didn't incorporate this awesomely bad line somehow:

"Oh Ani, hold me like you did on Naboo."

*GAG*

This list is good but nowhere near as perfect as the luke list. I would have to agree with everything, amiadala is borderline retarded and there is nothing borderline about anakin. He's full blown tard. I do have to say one thing about the blaster/beauty pageant comment, this trilogy lacked a hon solo'ish charecter and to prevent george from having to think up a rich colorful personality (which he is quite obviously incapable of) he just put a blaster in her hand and ran with it. The question i have is with anakin's obvious stupidity how did HE become a sith lord?! how did he hide his so called darkeness? He (and his son) never kept the same lightsaber through a movie. (He needed three in attack of the clones)

I found a spelling error in your article - you must be a complete idiot as well!

Aregularmess, your name is quite apropos. You criticize the man's very properly formed sentences with your copies that appear to have been hastily typed during a drunken binge. Or was that on purpose in an attempt to be amusingly ironic? In either case, you are trying to hard with too little to begin with.

Okay guys I agree, the dialouge could have been better. But it was all he could come up with so give him a break. I would like to see all of you make a billion dollar sixolgy that thousands of people in the world love!

The above scene was even better in the IMAX version. . . they wanted to cut the movie length down, so Anakin says, "I hate sand, it's course and rough and gets everywhere" and then, "BAM", Padme turns and locks lips. I was expecting sleazy saxophone music to start playing in the background.

And me wirte bad grammer to be next boyfriend of padme no let wife of me see this!

I think that the people that made this webpage are complete idiots. so what if she dressess wierd in star wars. Everyone does. I think that Padme is totally hot.

Honestly, I think Georgy Boy was still working on some issues with his divorce while writing the prequels. I half expected Padme to leave Anakin because, "You're too obsessed with your work!"

And let's not forget that the sweeping romance between Leia and Han in Empire owes a lot of thanks to director Irvin Kershner.

Padme is actually plotting against senator Palpatine with a number of other senators like Bail Organa long before he is known as a sithlord. She tries to involve Anakin but he refuses since he wants to stay out of politics. Padme is actually one of the galaxies best and brightest.

I happen to think that the clothes she wears in number 2 and three are elaborate and beautiful. Besides thats probably what she has to wear to fit in the polished courascant society. Its a bit weird that she dies from a broken heart. But what to we now? Perhaps we never loved like that. And of course she was giving birth after being force choked so she probably was not all that strong to begin with. Defending speech over.

Other (more critically -dumb- as opposed to just girlishly emo) stupid moments:

1. We will do nothing to mount even a civil defense but when taken like sheep, we will -Ruuuuuuuuuun!-
2. Okay, so let me get this straight. I'm supposed to hand over my ship if this little punkass nobody /loses/? Why not -sell- the ship, buy tickets for us all and fly to Coruscant on United Express?
3. Alright twerp, time for bed. I'll carry you but only if you promise to stop grabbing at my boobies, who do you think I am, Your Mother?
4. Dear Senators, we need some help and as these TWO JEDI can attest, this is not a test of the emergency broadcast system.
5. You gotta be sh**ting me! Look moron, you work _for me_. Now you get some help headed outbound yesterday or I will go -back- before the Senate and tell them that you're such an inept putz you can't even defend your own damn planet!
6. Okay, so let's say I do take these idiots on a tour. How many death camps and run amok robots would they need to see? 10 days? Fine. We'll reconvene then.
7. Yo-Yo Yodaman! Homie, look, I can't make the point spread with just the Ginch and his toy boy, you gotta make free with them Jedi Special Forces man.
8. Look slobbercheeks, I said I am NOT into that kind of thing and you know, if push comes to shove, I will gladly become a government in exile while you and your underwater Vegas play Missile Command with the Reptiles upstairs.
9. What have you been smokin', you old hippy? Clown Boy doesn't even have his saber out! I say we shoot him in the face and take the _shorter route_ since they clearly know we're coming and I thought the purpose of this trip was to bag the Asian Stereotype before he walked off planet?!
10. So let me get this straight, a 20,000 year Republic, 50 million planets, ruled by voice vote, and you've never ONCE administered a Midichlorian test to a potential Senatorial Candidate? (Slaps Mace's bald head) Did your momma drop you on it or have you simply been after the medicinal death sticks like Quigon?

MP

Ha ha. Padme isn't a complete idiot by a long shot, but here are some things I have to put in:
- Outifts: Yeah, in TPM they look like clownfits. This may have been due to some fairly unintelligent servants "helping" her because she was too busy dealing with Nemies. In AOTC they're wonderful, and lots of the ones in ROTS are great.
- Padme's just too trusting to suspect her own senator of being evil. I agree with Sammy C--it is easy to dismiss that as political ambition, which she herself must be familiar with.
- #3--well said.
- I personally find Anakin more handsome than that--especially in ROTS. I truly believe that she had been talking to Beru about Sand People, and that she had found out so much about how evil they are that she was willing to forgive Anakin. (After all, her actions resulted in the transformation of orphans into burgers, right?) Plus it was the will of the force.
- If I remember correctly, the medical droid from a primitive asteroid said, "She *seems* to have lost the will to live." Knowing the kind of medical technology some alien miners have available for dealing with humans, I wouldn't be surprised if they'd have said that if Padme got run over by a bus.

Okay, I'm saying this to the idiot who wrote the article. Laser brain, LOOK! Padme doesn't dress like a clown. It's a traditonal queen of Naboo dressing style. It's not her fault! She didn't know Palpatine was evil. Neither did the Jedi, or anybody else!!!!!!! She fell in love with Anakin and married him because she LOVED him, okay, sleemo? She died of a broken heart because Anakin turned to the Sith, OK? Padme's not an idiot. I bet you like Leia, don't you?? Well, I going to write something to make you mad!!!
1 She is a complete idiot.
2 She is mean to Han, and I LUV HAN!
3 The way she dresses is awful- it doesn't reveal part of her personality at all. And the costume in Jabba's palace????? WHAT'S THAT ABOUT??? That's the stupidest outfit in the Galaxy!!!
3 She's a snotball!!!
4 She doesn't know how to use a gun. I've only seen her shoot somebody ONCE. Okay, Padme did better than that!!! You may not think that Padme is such a sharpshooter, but sorry dude, she is.
5 SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH HER BROTHER? This is outrageous.
6 She killed Jabba whith chains? Get something more natural. LEIA IS A COMPLETE IDIOT, I SAY.SLEEMO,LASERBEAK,LASERBRAIN,JAWATRADER,YOU NAME IT!!!!!! I OFFICIALLY HATE LEIA.

Kristina said: Padme is actually plotting against senator Palpatine with a number of other senators like Bail Organa long before he is known as a sithlord. She tries to involve Anakin but he refuses since he wants to stay out of politics. Padme is actually one of the galaxies best and brightest.
Oh Kristina, you are absoloutley right! Thank you so much. Everybody listen to her!!!

PADME DRESSES LIKE A CLOWN? I don't think so. I've never seen a clown dress so well before. I'm sure she dresses better than you, sleemo.

The idiot who wrote this said:"If Anakin was her one true love, I would have hated to see her previous boyfriends and their long prison sentences." Um, exuse me, she only had one previous boyfriend. His name was Pallo, I think. And why do you not like Anakin? Do you possibly think he's handsomer than you?

Hey,
I think that was Anakin's overprotective bigger sister who chimed in. Hey, my brother Anakin is handsome. Really folks; George Lucas is not only a fine producer and friendly guy, he has no concept of women and when they fall in love. I mean those scenes from AOTC were so stiff and cocky it involked one feeling; a sense of embarrassment.... Let's get serious here and while I am an engineer, I have complete faith in film writers and their ability to make falling in love appear genuine.
... Whoa dude; Anakin you better become a Jedi because those pickup lines and telling your girlfriend you just killed women and children is not how to gain a womans trust...think about it and ladies correct me if I am wrong... rule one of meeting and having any hope of whooing a pretty young (or middle age) woman whether she is a date of the both of you decide to be friends.... women will never allow themselves to feel anything for a guy if they do not trust him.... Then as the courtship continues any physical or emotional escalation requires a building of trust.
Telling a woman you just connected with that you have dreams about her is really creepy, Right ladies?... Well, Anakin, you really need to follow up that comment with a clarification!....Think about Episode I and the dialog between Padme and Anakin and how it was almost mother and child; oh that's why AOTC is so creepy' I was left with the impression from TPM that Little Boy Skywalker, traumatized by his abrupt seperation from his mother, was in need of a surrogate mom. So when Anakin meets up with Padme in AOTC the one thing he needed to do is to show he is independent and all grown up. In that sappy dialog he was clingy and insecure...
Hey Ladies, do you feel attacted to clingy, Insecure men who have dreams about you and kill women and children.....??
I want to make a movie with Anakin and Padme's courtship and call it: "10 Ways To Get Rid of Your New Girlfriend"....

You are all just haters You have to remember its a movie meaning non relistic fake its not based off a true story its another hollywod scheme its a movie and she is s pretty but i do agree her clothes are pretty weird but c'mon its star wars the boys all wear dresses its all just a bunch of weird clothes