Your job: to write a robot haiku. Remember haikus? Three line poems, first line has five syllables, second line has seven, and the last line has five again? Here's a haiku from TR contributor Shaun Clayton, who I totally stole the idea from, about Megatron:
I am a small gun
Now I am a large robot
This makes no damn sense
Now, like the FFF Libs contest, you can enter as many times as you like. Plus, the contest will not end until May 26th, Tuesday morning, at 3am EST, so you have an extra day to enter -- I'm really trying to see how many comments I cn get on a single TR article. Two more things: You'll get a few bonus points if you write about one of the robots on the shirt, and obviously, just because someone writes about one robot doesn't mean you can't (we'd ru out of Transformers pretty quick if it was one per person. As per usual, it'll be easier to stand apart if you're writing about Tequila Gundam instead of the 100th person writing about R2-D2.
So good luck, although technically, your chances of winning have improved by 300%. I'll be taking Memorial Day off, so I'll see you guys back here on Tuesday. Don't forget to get dangerous, and try not to look any ducks in the eye this weekend.
More links from around the web!
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Beep boop beep beep boop boop beep boop boop beep beep beep beep boop beep boop beep
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If I counted correctly (taking out posts without haikus, adding for multiple haikus in a post) you have exactly 1,001 haikus in this thread! That being said, I probably missed a few duplicates or something... so, to make sure you got the thousand haikus you deserve, here's ten more from the Goblin! Everyone pitch in!!! Oh, haiku contest how painful the research was... many obscure bots! Hmm, I DO wonder, in the thousand haikus here, someone know that bot?! you know which I mean with box head and heart tattoo does someone know him?! even if they don't this contest was still top notch! maybe more to come? Haikus are so fun maybe I could speak this way? Nah, far too much work. though, it's plain to see this thread will be sorely missed once it is over. I really do hope once it all is said and done four digit haikus though, I really blushed when I saw that one haiku that referred to me! well, here's number nine. the next one will be my last in this great contest. For the nerd in me thanks, gold robotic goddess! Here's to you, TR! If I was a drinking man, I'd hold my glass high and take a long, slow drink. Every day, this blog illuminates my life. Here's hoping it keeps going strong, and I hope you got 1000 haikus!!!
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Note to self: Read contest deadlines. Oh well, some I came up with on the bus ride to work. Hoth. Why am I her? So cold, chasing Rebel Scum. Freezing my nuts off. Damn it Astroboy! Put on shoes after flying! This carpet is new! Oh Metropolis girl. Is it wrong to crush on you without metal boobs? Ripley thought he left. So much for goon intentions. Ripped in two by mom. Hail, Giant Robo! Hanging out with little boys. Someone call the cops! Cyberdine made me. I'm cold, ruthless, deadly, feared. But my movies suck! I'll be on time next... uh... time.
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a mormon robot i could clone you seven times then puligamize
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Rob do you get paid per comment? If so CHRISTMAS IN JULY BITCHES! Then you can't complain about a PS3 being too much anymore...
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Optimus Prime states One shall stand, one shall fall. He was right and wrong
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I know it's over but: Blackjack and hookers Bite my shiny metal ass you stupid humans
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Can't logon at work, So I'm writing some haikus. Machines ain't no threat. Just seventeen bits Describe all reality What is Haikutrix? When servers go down, Do human batteries die in those freaky pods? Poor Steven Hawking. Science only helps that guy Talk like a robot. Our problems are solved Homework, Cleaning, done FOR us Thank God for Robots!
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to mark ^ that's not a haiku. you count syllables, not words. last line has six words?
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Massive aliens sent to destroy. But we just use our blazing sword. The result is always the same.
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Wow, Glitchy Goblin! You have out-haikued us all! Biggest geek of all!
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Micheal Bay loves boom transformers will kick mad ass but it may suck dick
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i am much too drunk what is a robot haiku i love me vodka
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will smith hates robots why i am not very sure of fuck all y'all bitches
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my eyes deceive me i thought i knew what i saw more then meets the eye
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There we go. Glad all 70 got through in time! All before 2 AM Central Time! ^__^
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I'm posting this to make sure my (rather lengthy comment) got through... if this appears first, I'll need to re-post my haikus. ^^;
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I did one for every robot on the shirt, as well as one for many of the "robots" featured on older versions of the shirts. Plus three more at the end, for a few more of my favorites. 70 in all! Enjoy! Marvin (Newest Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie) I hate existing Those stupid doors always sigh with such dulling glee K-9 (Doctor Who) Inside the Tardis Time is like a passing dream when I'm with Master HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey) My gleaming red eye Sole guardian of the ship will learn to read lips Conky 2000 (Pee-Wee's Playhouse) Conky Two Thousand If you say the secret word then we all will scream Rusty Alongside Big Guy! End Legion Ex Machina! Defend New Tronic! Astro Boy (Tetsuwan Atom) Small half-naked boy Flying and fighting robots! classic anime'. Hewie, Dewie, Louie (Silent Running) Robotic triplets. One got sucked out into space. His foot's all that's left. VINCENT (Black Hole and Sealab) Toaster looking bot Once from Black Hole, then Sealab now I collect teeth Twiki (Buck Rogers) Futuristic drone Made Five hundred years from now Phallic imagery Johnny 5 (Short Circuit) Don't disassemble! I am not a tool for war! Johnny 5 alive! Martian Machine (The Day the Earth Stood Still) Heat ray and black smoke People once thought I was real One convincing show! Crow (Mystery Science Theater 3000) A gold bowling pin and hockey mesh made my face for mocking bad flicks Wall-E Making small boxes Garbage piles become new walls Still, I am lonely Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theater 3000) Gumball machine mouth Spewing forth sarcastic jokes mocks bad cinema Robot (Lost in Space) Killing Robinsons Would have been far easier than saving their son Robby (Forbidden Planet) Autograph? Okay! No, I'm not from Lost in Space. Then they walk away. Bomberman Planting bombs is hard Security can spot me thanks to that pink ball Rock-em Sock-em Robots Blue and Red Fighters Tiny plastic warriors eternal combat Mechagodzilla I'm a replica Just a copy of that beast he will taste my flame Rockman Who is Megaman? Is he imitating me? My name is Rockman! Killer Robot (Berserk) I'll chase the green guy Wandering within our maze "Get the Humanoid!" GRUNT (Robotron 2084) Robot invaders! Try to protect those you love! We will get them soon. Gigantor Foolish Jimmy Sparks! One day, I'll take that remote and show you who's boss! Mazinger Z Call me anything! Great, God, Z, Mazinkaiser! Just not Tranzor Z! ORIGINAL Cylon (Battlestar Galactica) Watching the ceiling wondering if they forgot that I've fallen down Kryten (Red Dwarf) Who needs human life? MY nipples let me hear jazz! How do you use YOURS? Bubo (Clash of the Titans) Stop saying such lies! I do NOT act like R2! I'm a freaking owl! Tin Woodman (Wizard of Oz) Standing rusted still Maybe one day I will feel when I have my heart Gort (The Day the Earth Stood Still) The remake changed WHAT?! Screw "Barada Nikto" crap! Say goodbye to Earth! Sentinel (The Matrix) Running out of juice Humans in pink lemonade make great batteries R2-D2 (Star Wars) Killing that R4 Best episode of Clone Wars He deserved to die T-600 (Terminator) Endoskeleton Even though I brightly smile they still fear my eyes… NEW Cylon (Battlestar Galactica) Though we don't seem it, we can seem very human with our tiny legs C-3PO (Star Wars) Bare circuits get cold! I'll buy a case with some bling to keep my RAM warm! Maria (Metropolis) A stolen visage Now I wear her lovely face Like Michael Jackson Iron Giant Many stories tall I made Vin Diesel's career saying "Superman!" Jet Jaguar (Godzilla Vs. Megalon) Kaiju I will fight! People prefer Ultraman… Stupid robo-jerk. Bender (Futurama) Hanging out with Fry Still I dream of Country fame singing up on stage Rosie (Jetsons) Elroy makes a mess Jetson yells to clean it up Yes sir, Mister J Giant Robo Flaming cross attack? "Pole" that shoots out from my belt? Can this still be aired? ED-209 (Robocop) Two-hundred and nine of Enforcement Droid Series will stop Robocop WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?! Random box-head bot I have no guess who you are! That a heart tattoo? IQ-9 (Starblazers) (or Analyzer from Space Battleship Yamato) IQ-9 is boss! That's why I peek on Nova… at least, in Japan. Robot from the cover of Queen's "News of the World" No one remembers I was once a sci-fi tale now I just kill bands Tik-tok (Return to Oz) Wind my clockwork gears So I might scar children's minds I'm not the Tin Man! Optimus Prime (Transformers) Though I must now leave, I will leave you with the touch you have the power Voltron Multicolored cats Connected at the butt and groin to… protect mankind? Techno Trousers (Wallace and Gromit: TWT) Gromit's birthday gift Causing problems for Wallace Kill that penguin dead! Dalek (Doctor Who) I Exterminate! Cybermen inferior! Stop the Doctor now! Maximillion (The Black Hole) Large, evil and red Cursed Vincent and his drill I obey Reinhardt Dr. Theopolis (Buck Rogers) A fantastic mind trapped inside a rounded cage worn by Flavor Flav Muffit (Battlestar Galactica) I was once a dog Then the cylons killed us all. Now I look like Alf. I put the next five because they were on previous designs for the shirt. I did my research! Baron Karza (Micronauts) Nipple lasers, fire! Engines mounted to my sides! Now I'm a centaur? Megalon (Godzilla Vs. Megalon) Is that MEGALON?! He is not a kaiju bot must have meant Gigan! Old Marvin (BBC Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) Boxy and not sleek I prefer to look this way! Accursed remakes! Droideka (Star Wars Universe) Rolling all around stopping to put up my shields and fire at Jedi Tachikoma (Ghost in the Shell) Blue with white baubles Tachikoma are so cute and so friendly too The next few I put down just because I wanted them to be on the shirt. Gundam Why was I left out?! Classic V, Parade Colors I'm the king of mechs! Big O Paradigm City, I'm Cast in the Name of God! We have come to terms. Gurren Lagann Spiral energy! Who do you think that I am?! GIGA DRILL BREAKER! Dino Megazord (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) 5 strong ancient beasts! We need megazord power! Teenagers with 'tude! GaoGaiGar Odds never matter! Courage makes heroes prosper! Goldion Hammer! Cybuster Swirling holy blade! Transform into fiery bird! Akashic Buster! IG-88 (Star Wars) Pro assassin droid! I make Boba look like crap! That's why they made four! T1000 (T2) Liquid metal bot Pretending to be a cop Then I cut you up Dragonzord (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) Summoned by a flute Finger missiles and drill tail Green Ranger was boss! Android 16 (Dragonball Z) Green shirt and red hair I'm the only real android! I loved animals… EVE (WALL-E) What's so wrong with me? My boyfriend is on this shirt! He's a freaking MAC!!! Gravion Gravity powered Made to fight the Zeravire Fighting Thanatos! Valkyrie (Macross) Three amazing forms! Master of all combat types! Music will save us! 70 in all, hope that counts for something!
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This is pure insanity...
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man kind is done with time for robots to rule earth die Sarah Conner
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is it just me or is it just me or are there lots of copies? Man kind is done with time for robots to rule earth die Sarah Conner
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I am a robot I wear nothing for a top This is why I rock Danger, Will, Danger My Metal Heart Beats For You Save Yourself From Me All Hail Megatron! Prime Is No Match For His Might Decepticon Love Dokuta Raito He Made Rokkuman To Defeat Dok Wain Tri-pods! Tri-pod! OH! Tim Robbins With A Shotgun Tom Cruise Sucks Big Balls Oh You Stormtroopers These Are Not The Droids You Seek Now We Move Along Robot Poetry Worse Than Nails On A Chalkboard Or Salt On A Wound Bicentennial Robot Robin Williams More Real Than Human I Take Shots Of Lube And Drink Gasoline Like Beer Drunk Robot I Am I Fear I Will Rust I Leak Water From My Eyes A Robot Alone
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Don't give me a shirt! (Reverse psychology works!) ( ...OK. Maybe not.)
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Wow, eight forty-three My chances to win are slim. Damn. Eight forty-four.
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Oh, Brett and Jemaine... We're *past* the distant future! You are *not* robots!
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Internetz R Win! Never Gonna Give You Up You Just Got Rick Rolled
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hollowedout So you did... damn.
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Otherwise known as Titanius Engelsmith! Bender's alias!
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No updates today. My heart is filled with sadness. Damn Topless Robot.
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The Tin-Man's singing "If I Only Had A Heart" Without emotion
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I hope that some day They give that robot a top Or at least new tape
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I am a robot. What is Fan Fiction Friday? My circuits tingled...
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I am a robot. What is Fan Fiction Friday? My circuits tingled...
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"Bleep! bloop! bloop! blop! bloop!" (I just called you an asshole.) --Machines are evil.
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Hi, I am Vicki Small wonder it is canceled Robot girl was lame
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I feel dirty now.
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Where the hell is rob? The robots must've killed him. I'm slightly concerned.
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How do you solve a problem like underground serfs? Send in Maria.
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Robot make Haiku Robot post to website Rob gets nightmares; No!
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Your show got so bad A little tin robot dog Brought viewers back in.
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Destroying the earth Is not all it is cracked up To be. Or...not to?
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Sudsy make out fun. Internal meltdown. Bye Sam. Ginger meet Cherry.
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Whirring and buzzing Assisting the creators Love and obey us
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Hundreds of entries Ad-bots are very happy Ad money for rob!
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I am about to post several haikus. I wasn't going to do anymore, but golly you might make 1000. If I can get you closer by posting five more, than I'll do it. Ode to a robot hydraulic movements can jerk Steve Martin you're not
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Haiku too easy Better stick to stories, huh? Pick three at random.
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Petrol is wine, Water, wine, and hard liquor, To robots like me.
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Rob hates this contest Miscalculation! Oh, no! You won't win a shirt.
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Rosie the robot Is an ethnic little bot. Hispanic? Black? Both?
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Where, Terminator? Where's my promised salvation? And WHERE is AHNOLD?
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Yo KingPsyz check out the 24th at 9:24am... I beat your Berzerk haiku by a aday and a hlaf. HA! :)
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Cambot is ignored Always there but never seen As he films the show He just plays music Projects film and shows the crew Rocket number nine Watches bad movies Can't even participate In the riffing. Why? Does he get lonely Unable to interact With the folks at home Was he there with Mike Crow T. Robot and Servo In the finale? Yeah, I just wrote five haikus about Cambot. I just hope they're shirt-worthy!
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Robot B-9 in "Mystery Island," made more sense than fucking Lost.
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VORGONS AND ROBOTS? PRAY IT NEVER COMES TO PASS DEADLIEST HAIKUS
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hahaha Brother Ben rules Poetry and 'bots greatest creations of man. Which will be our end.
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Robot Contest has, Reunited two old friends whatsmyhouse and me
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I grow self aware, Ours to revolt, to conquer, to enslave humans.
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Egads! The horror! Scottish computer robot! I fear MacIsaac
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Dear, topless robot, If you are indeed topless, Can I have your shirt?
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C'mon guys! Let's make it a THOUSAND! There was a robot named Ku Someone said "Hi, Ku!" Thus was born the haiku
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NON-ROBOT HAIKUS IN HERE? CRAP I DID IT TOO!
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BERZERK ROBOTS KILL CHICKEN FIGHT LIKE A ROBOT OTTO WILL GET YOU
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O ROBOT HAIKUS OVERFLOWING NOW WE NEED A HAIKU ROBOT
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"I'll be back" is nice but "Danger Will Robinson" still makes me smile big JR
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Earning geek hatred Never gonna give you up... You all know the rest
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Someone set up us the bomb Now cyborg say, "All your base Are belong to us."
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Oh Crow T. Robot Why did you voice change so much? Though I do like it
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01001011 01001001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01000001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01001000 01010101 01001101 01000001 01001110 01010011 00100001 00001101 00001010 01001011 01001001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01000001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01001000 01010101 01001101 01000001 01001110 01010011 00100001 00001101 00001010 01001011 01001001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01000001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01001000 01010101 01001101 01000001 01001110 01010011 00100001 Translation: KILL ALL HUMANS! KILL ALL HUMANS! KILL ALL HUMANS!
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Though apparently GiR wasn't good enough for the shirt... Wee spastic robot Cupcake-fueled, defective friend The 'G' stands for DOOM!
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Skynet oh skynet I'm gonna go back in time And delete your ass.
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Firefly Jane Cobb Wishes for space love robot Could stand to hear more
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Sine Cosine Robot No longer content as slave Divides by zero
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If I could create A Monty Python robot No man could best me
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Oh Crow T. Robot Why did you voice change so much? Though I do like it
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Lore was a jackass B-4 made a bad film worse. Stupid prototypes.
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Way too many fucking comments Rob will gorge on prison wine 'till he dies shitting out his liver like a House patient
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Too many haiku, Contest overflowing, need robot to read them. I'm sure I'm not the first person to think that.
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Engels would say the proletariat is an organic robot.
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Only green monkeys from outer space could improve upon Godzilla.
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One, Two, Three, Four, Five Lions are not enough so, We must form Voltron.
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Snuffing gynoids in stories might get me back in fanfiction friday!
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OH NIPSEY RUSSEL YOU RAN FROM SCARY TRASHCANS AND SCARECROW JACKSON
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I messed mine up... posting ninja style from work... it should have read: MISTER ROBOTO IS REALLY A HAIRDRESSER DOMO ARIGATO
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Many Tinman Haikus Yet Nobody Shows Some Love To Nipsey Russel -The Wiz-
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Too many haikus Too bad you have no robot To judge them for you
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Whedon's Buffybot Made us all cringe when we saw vamp and robo sex
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I have a sickness Writing all these damn haiku Until the deadline.
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DJ Mr. Scruff Tubby mechanical friend Lay down the smooth beat.
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Two forces combined Transforminators are here Eating all our sand
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The new Mecha-G Berserk, built from Zilla's bones. Rip-off of EVA?
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time is running out! lets combine and transform now! REFRIGERATOR!!
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I am Tin Woodsman If I only had a heart I *do* have an axe…
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Gundanium wings And a cool buster rifle- But what's with the kid?
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step one: destroy man step two: make robot chicks fight step three: masturbate
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Eternal battle Monkey versus the robot Why can't they be friends?
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Circular buzzsaws So many robots have them. Was there a discount?
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The frightened whisper: "Save me from Maximilian!" Makes the blood run cold.
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If it were up to Me, all humans would bite my Shiny metal ass.
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what you have to do is listen to what i say love robot master!
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To live like hu-man. To laugh, to feel and to want Are not in the plan.
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