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The end of the world is coming. Nobody knows when. Filmmaker Roland Emmerich seems to think the earth will be destroyed in 2012 through an attack of special effects, but no one can truly say. What people can say is that although science-fiction movies have been using apocalypses for plot points and settings for decades, not all apocalypses are equal. The end of the world is supposed to be grand, tragic, and terrifying. Many TV, movie and cartoon apocalypses are instead low-key, boring, and/or goofy as hell. Here are the 10 apocalypses that we least have to worry about happening -- or rather, if they do happen, we're just as likely to die from embarrassment as the apocalypse itself.
10) Biological Warfare That Makes People Die Unconvincingly
In The Omega Man, the
9) Next Year
In Knight Rider 2010, the future, (which as of the time of this writing would be next year) is this dull, boring world with a lot of cactus and people working on old cars. So, just like Arizona in 2009. Oh, and there are evil corporations. Then there are guns on cars. Some cars have the souls of dead women. Did I mention this world was part of the UPN Action Pack of 1994? How can you beat that? It's a world with Action! Packed into the Paramount network, where you can see Star Trek: Voyager! Hold on to your hats for this roller-coaster! Wait, what did this have to do with Knight Rider again?
8) A Runaway Planet
In Thundarr the Barbarian, the world is destroyed by a runaway planet in 1994, (coincidentally just in time to prevent anyone from seeing Knight Rider 2010) which cracks the moon like an egg and sucks all the cobwebs off the Earth, destroying it. 2,000 years later the world emerges as a crappy hybrid of Conan the Barbarian, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and none of it is cool for your Saturday Morning Cartoon enjoyment.
7) Giant Fault Line
So in 10.5 Apocalypse, the only hole bigger than the one that opens in the North American continent is the hole in the head of whoever made this. Everyone likes to see stuff fall apart, yes. On a made-for-tv budget, though? Wow. I mean, not wow at all. Also, between the stuff falling apart there's a whole lot of terrible acting. I mean, you see Beau Bridges weeping. Really? Can we not see this? Please? Also, how did someone like Beau Bridges character actually become President? Was he up against a character played by David Arquette? Further it is not that bad if we lose the middle part of our country and have it replaced with a giant river as the shirts for "Surf Kansas" alone would be worth it.
6) An Unrealistic Giant Bomb Made of Cardboard
I hate to ruin the pinnacle of artistic achievement that is Beneath the Planet of the Apes, but in it the Earth blows up. Again. Except this time it blows up and kills everything instead of putting the Statue of Liberty on a beach and producing apes that talk without moving their lips very much. How does it blow up? A giant bomb, how else? Well, okay, say it would be possible to even create an atomic bomb with sufficient yield to blow up the Earth and kill everyone -- why would this even be created? How could it possible be able to operate for centuries without proper maintenance? And why the hell does it look like it was made out of cardboard?
Tags: Apocalypses, Bad Movies, Hanna Barbera, Knight Rider, Mean-spiritedness, MST3K, Planet of the Apes
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