Nobody Wants Him… He Just Stares at the Nuts
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Now the time is here — for the Iron Man nutcracker to spread fear! Why? Because it’s another phenomenally shitty nutcracker from the horrible bastards at the Kurt S. Adler company. Please note: 1) It’s an incredibly shitty likeness of Iron Man, and 2) It still can’t crack fucking nuts. The nuthole is way too small to accommodate anything other than an unshelled peanut, which doesn’t need cracking. Now if an awesome sculpt prevented functionality, then that would be something; or if the functionality prevented it having a decent sculpt, that might also be okay. HAVING NEITHER IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, KURT S. ADLER. And the fact that this company has done this several times already makes this the entire company complicit in crimes against nerds.
So stop it, Kurt S. Adler company. Either make better-looking nutcrackers or make them functional. This current bullshit will not stand. If you don’t, there will be some serious nuts cracked. By which I mean your testicles. Just wanted to make sure that was clear. (Via Gizmodo)
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.