My apologies for running another Herry Potter fan fic so soon after the unhappy feet saga that was "Harry Potter and the Room of Romance," but when I read this story sent to me by Mr. No Name (possibly not his real name) I knew I couldn't wait. It's a story by GiantessLover -- think there's a tiny bit of foreshadowing there?
Hermione had always wondered what it would be like to be a Giantess.
She wondered if there were any potions that could help her become one so she decided to ask Harry for help.
Hey Harry, she said. Hi, he said back. I was wondering if you knew any potions that would make me into a Giantess, she said to him.
OH, IT'S MAGIC TIME. GiantessLover is no mere storyteller, he's a storyweaver. Continue your journey into this epic world of imagination after the jump!
Harry was shocked because he had always wanted to see hermione as a Giantess. His pants already had a bulge in them but his robe luckily covered it.
Oh Hermione you know I'm no good at Potions, he said trying to hide his excitement.
Well maybe you can find someone in Griffindoor who is, she said.
Or maybe you can find someone in "Griffindoor" who is, you lazy bitch.
Harry went through the whole Griffindoor house and found a girl who was good at potions class. He asked her if there was a way for Hermione to become a Giantess.
See? These are the kind of details that lesser authors would just leave out, but truly make a story come alive!
Yes you just make a growth potion, she said.
"I feel like I should have figured that out myself," said Harry.
How do you make one of those, Harry said.
Well I have one right here I'll just give it to you, she said and she gave him a growth potion.
How big will this make a person, he said.
About 100 feet tall but why do you ask, she said.
Oh no reason, Harry said but he was smiling.
That Harry is one cunning bastard.
Harry went to give the growth potion to Hermione. She was very excited and took the potion from him.
Seriously, it's Victor Hugo, Stendhal, Dostoevsky, and GiantessLover, as far as I'm concerned. We can burn all the other books.
How big will this make me, she said.
About 100 feet, Harry said.
How thoughtful the author provided this detail again, in case you'd forgotten it from when it was mentioned LESS THAN 50 WORDS AGO.
Hermione smiled and drank the whole potion in one gulp. Instantly she started growing. Harry was very aroused and his cock became hard watching Hermione grow like that.
Oh no my clothes are ripping, she said when she was about 10 feet tall.
"I feel like I should have seen this coming," said Hermione.
It doesn't matter, said Harry because he wanted to see her naked.
"And since I'm looking forward to see you naked, your discomfort at being naked and giant in front of all your classmates and teachers is totally irrelevant," explained Harry.
Hermione's clothes ripped completely off when she was about 25 feet tall and filling up the whole room. Harry was feeling in awe at her big breasts which were even bigger because she was a Giantess.
"I feel like I could have just presumed that detail," said every reader.
She kept growing too, and her head broke through the ceiling of Griffindoor Tower.
Harry look I'm huge, she said.
"I'm very surprised that growth potion is making me grow," said Hermione.
You're going to get bigger, he said as the bulge in his robes got even bigger. He thought that was funny because they both kept getting bigger.
HYUK HYUK HYUK
Finally Hermione stopped growing when she was 100 feet tall.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS
The whole school looked up at her beautiful naked Giantess body.
"I say, Francis, is it me or is there a massive vagina in the sky?" "Goodness, Oliver, I do believe you're correct. Or else that's the weirdest bird I've ever seen."
Hey I'm down here, said Harry.
We all kind of assumed, Harry.
Are you turned on little man?, she said sexilly.
Harry was very surprised. How did she know that he liked Giantesses so much?
Oh I see the websites you look at all the time when you're at your aunt and uncles house, she said.
"OH MY GOD YOU RESPONDED DIRECTLY TO MY THOUGH YOU CAN READ MY MIND and also you've seen my browsing history, I guess," said Harry. Speaking of, if that's the shit Harry looks at on the Dursley's computer, it's no wonder they lock him under the goddamn stairs.
How do you see them, Harry said.
"It's an option right under the History tab, Harry. You should really clear it once in a while."
I use magic to spy on you silly! said Hermione laughing.
Hermione picked up Harry who was only about 3 inches tall to her and pulled his robe off. She was not surprised to see his dick getting very hard. She put the tiny little member in her giant mouth and started sucking on it.
Okay, if Harry is technically 3-inches tall, then his dick wouldn't even get past the width of Hermione's lips. Sucking it would be practically impossible, and if she sucked his groin area hard enough to actually get it in her mouth, it would probably pop off like a grape stem. SIR, I DOUBT THE VERISIMILITUDE OF YOUR GIANT HERMIONE FELLATIO FIC.
She could hear Harry moaning because he was aroused so much. He came in her mouth after about 30 seconds and she didn't even feel it because he was so tiny to her.
Is there anything sadder than premature ejaculation in a fan fic? These are works of pure imagination, and the author still can't conceive of their characters lasting more than a minute.
I think I should have some fun with the castle, she said.
Oh do that my Goddess, Harry said because he was in aw of her Giantess body.
I was actually having a good time with this fic until Harry called Hermione "Goddess." Now I'm filled with scorn and hate.
Hermione smiled and went to the Slithering Tower.
Simple typo or Freudian slip? WE MAY NEVER KNOW.
She pressed her nipple against one of the windows and it broke because of how hard and big her nipple was. She put a finger in the window and pulled out Pansy Parkinson.
Because if there's something you want to rub on your nipples, it's broken glass. That's a good time no matter what size you are!
Hello there you little slut, she said to her tiny enemy.
PLEASE HERMIONE DON'T EAT ME SAID PANSY
No I won't eat you I'll just use you to make me cum, said Hermione.
Hermione took Pansy's tiny body which was screaming and shoved her into her pussy. Hermione felt really good because it was like a human dildo.
"Like"? Not... "was"?
Pansy was starting to get turned on too because she was secretly lesbian.
And if you're a lesbian, obviously you desire to be inserted headfirst into a giant vagina. NOBODY DENIES THIS.
She took her clothes off while in Hermione's vagina and started rubbing her own pussy.
Being forced to imagine someone trying to disrobe while being shoved repeatedly in and out of a giant vagina is specifically going to fuel my booze-filled rampage tonight. Thanks, FFF!
Hermione took her out and started rubbing her breasts with her giant finger. Pansy came right when Hermione did and their juices mixed and fell on the castle.
But now I have to eat you, Hermione said to pansy.
Honestly, I'm not really Toht-ing that hard right now, but the Price Is Right fail theme is too perfect here not to use.
Pansy yelled and screamed but it was no use, Hermione stuck her in her mouth and swallowed her hole.
Simple typo or Freudian slip? THE MYSTERY ENDURES
Pansy landed in Hermione's stomach and the acid killed her. Hermione went to Slithering Tower and pushed her breasts against it.
First the squid, now Hogwarts is getting titfucked by Hermione. Do you guys think Hogwarts is omnisexual, or is just a sexy, sexy castle that keeps getting assaulted?
All the men were jerking off but they screamed when she pushed so hard that the tower fell over.
All joking aside, the image of every single male student of Hogwarts furiously masturbating at the sudden appearance of a giant Emma Watson, and being unable to stop when she pushes a tower on them? That's one hell of a creative image. I'm never even imagined someone masturbating but simultaneously screaming in terror. Well-played, GiantessLover. I guess.
Then she took the Astronomy Tower and put it into her pussy. It was a bit big but she stretched it.
What is "it" in this sentence? Really, anything is possible.
She shoved it in and out.
Thank you for clarifying that vastly important detail.
Harry was very turned on. Then she poured all the people from the tower onto the ground and squished all of them. She turned to Harry who was between her tits.
How was that, she said.
It was so sexy, he said.
Are you turned on, she said squeezing her boobs together.
...crushing Harry into a fine yet horny paste.
Yes, said Harry because he was masterbating.
"I feel like I should have been able to tell you were aroused by the visual clue of you jacking off," said Hermione.
Before they could finish talking McGonagall and Dumbledore came out and got mad. Hermione just laughed at them. They both tried putting Reducio spells on her but they didn't work. Hermione took them both and crushed them against her nipples.
Man, I remember how mad I got when some jerk told me "Hermione's giant nipples kill Dumbledore" before I finished reading The Half-Blood Prince.
Then the girl who gave Hermione the growth potion came out.
Oh no you used the potion, she said.
"I feel like I should have foreseen this possibility, seeing as I gave Harry a growth potion," said the girl. "Honestly, now that I've said this, I'm having a hard time conceiving of what anyone would do with a growth potion other than drink it."
Haha now I can play with you now, Hermione said.
No I brought a shrink potion so you will not be 100 feet tall anymore, the girl said showing hermione the shrink potion.
Hermione took the shrink potion and unexpectedly fed it to the other girl. The other girl shrunk to 3 inches tall. Then Luna found her.
Oh look a tiny girl, Luna said.
Help me, Hermione is huge and she will ruin the castle, the girl said.
I don't believe you, Luna said.
...as the screams of the dying yet still masturbating male students wafted from the rubble of the fallen tower nearby.
Luna took her top off and put her already hard nipple into the tiny girl's vagina.
She pumped the girl up and down on her boob. They were both turned on by it because it was like getting fucked but by a giant nipple.
Obviously, these girls are lesbians, because the only thing lesbians like better than being inside giant vaginas is having giant nipples inside them. Guh. Incidentally, I have a modest proposal -- let's never use metaphors or similes again. Because honestly, if they're going to be used for this kind of shit, they're causing far more harm than good.
Meanwhile Hermione had destroyed the whole castle except the place Luna was in. She decided not to destroy that part. She lay her giant naked body on the remains of the castle and did sexual things to all the survivors.
THE END. Jesus, has there ever been a more obvious case of the author jerking off while writing his own story and ending when he's done? Most of the FFF authors at least try to wrap things up, no matter how horribly, but GiantessLover had his pants around his ankles, dropped a wad of freshly soiled kleenexs to floor, banged out that last paragraph, hit save, and closed the document. Ugh.
But you know what I find more infuriating about this nonsense? That it's titled "Tiny Hermione." HERMIONE IS NOT TINY IN THIS STORY, GODDAMMIT. IN FACT, EVERYBODY IS TINY EXCEPT HERMIONE. I DO NOT APPROVE OF YOUR BULLSHIT REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY TITLE, GIANTESSLOVER. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a bottle of scotch that I consider neither big nor small.
The first line from Pansy just made me burst out in hysterical laughter. Progress?
It's sexytimes to someone out there...
Green Lantern becomes morbidly obese
Flattens Green Arrow
....sexytimes?
If you've seen the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode "Unremarkable Voyage", you'll know the answer to that.
I dig it. Totally joined!
This is the best writing i've read all day.
Oh hai vagina.
Oh hai giant breasts.
Oh hai insanity.
"I don't believe you, Luna said."
WHAT?! That's just... She's right... I mean how can you miss the fact that... WHAT?!!
Maybe it's just me, but that line blew my fucking mind. And I can't shake the feeling that the person who wrote this also wrote the dialogue for The Room. Even the non-sexual parts are just so weird and awkward, like a Moleman with Internet access who never saw an actual human being wrote this.
Seconded!
Ohgod, reading comprehension fail...
"Please, Hermione, don't. Eat me!" said Pansy.
i prefer lovetacle actually
You've never read Celebrian, have you?
You lucky, lucky man.
SHAKESPEARHemmingway?
"The two of you need to go <s>burn in hell</s> dump me on Cannibal Island <b>where I will be baked into Lasanga for my crimes against FFF</b>. And <s>stop putting ideas like this thins</s> please cram dowels into the <s>poor, fragile</s> sick, depraved <s>minds</s> <b>urethras</b> of <s>FFF writers</s> <b>TR commentators</b>."
1. It's a joke, at least on my part. I'm pals with Braxy, and I just revise posts for fun. And 2. REVISING TIEM:
"The two of you need to go <strike>burn in hell</strike> <strong>dump me on Cannibal Island</strong>. And <strike>stop putting ideas like thins</strike> <strong>please cram dowels</strong> into the <strike>poor, fragile</strike> <strong>sick, depraved</strong> minds of FFF writers."
But...they don't even exchange a single line of dialogue.
I...will never understand people.
Even funnier if you consider the alternate meaning of the word "bird" in Britain.
LOL 1. it's FFF so it's too late for the burning in hell thing. 2. I AM an FFF writer. 3. IA IA CTHULHU.
I'll let my collegue edit your posts as it's in dire need of revision.
The two of you need to go burn in hell. And stop putting ideas like thins into the poor, fragile minds of FFF writers.
"<strike>I wish I had</strike> My anus <strike>regrets that</strike> <strong>is weeping because</strong> I didn't <strike>forgotten</strike> re-enact<strike>ed</strike> those things a bit more thoroughly with <strike>a dildo</strike> <strong>an onahole</strong> and <strike>a Hogwarts Castle playset</strike> Fisto's right arm <strong>coated in virgin girl sweat spray</strong>"
<s>I wish I had</s> <b>My anus regrets that I didn't</b> <s>forgotten</s> re-enact<s>ed</s> those things a bit more thoroughly with a dildo and <s>a Hogwarts Castle playset</s> <b>Fisto's right arm</b>.
Maybe next week, eh, Ricky?
You just had to bring that up, didn't you?
Now I'll never sleep again.
Well, there goes any chance of me doing something productive this morning....
Ricky would be proud.
Scoot? Erm.... Scooter Atreides?
Only if one of your clients is a castle-destroying giantess. Otherwise, pass!
...I feel nothing.
-mad cackle- I FEEL NOTHING!! HA HA HAA!! I FEEL NOTHING!! NOT FEAR, NOT CONTEMPT, NOT RAGE!! NOTHING!!!
-mad cackle, weeps bloody years, walked away-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOTei2DRks4
Enjoy!
I give one vote each to Snake in the Grass, *Squick*, The Other Story, The Pokemon Story, and Real Steel Deleted Scene.
I knew Topless Robot did, but ComicsNix?!
Damn it, now I'm going to be stuck in TvTropes all night...
I'm not ashamed to admit I like tall girls, but this is just silly.
Aaaaaaand that pairing just raped my brain. I'm now going to use the good old cleanser: HELLFIRE! DARK FIRE! THIS FIRE IN MY BRAIN! THIS HORRID! FAN FICTION! IS DESTROYING MY BRAIN!
I think Twilight does a good enough job of being its OWN fucked-up fanfiction, thanks
You know, this sounds weird, but Hagrid is the Harry Potter character I've always identified the most with, even though I'm a tiny little nerd who looks more like Harry. It's probably because he and I share the same attitude towards animals nobody else loves, like spiders.
So this comment actually made me laugh and scream. Like so: HahahahAUUUUUUUGHahahahaAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGH
And in other news, did you know that Comics Nix AND ToplessRobot have their own TVtrope pages?
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ComicsNix
seems so far all the harry potter fics that have appeared here seem to want hogwarts itsself be used as a sex toy. surprised Hermonine did not crush harry plus Ron seems to have been spared another fan fic friday.
I wish I had <strike>forgotten</strike> re-enacted those things a bit more thoroughly <strong>with a dildo and a Hogwarts Castle playset</strong>
Jean Gray was cheating Scoot Summers with Wolverine.
Scoot got jealous and threw maggots on Jean Gray.
Sexytimes.
-------------------
Optimus gets sold to Megatron as a sex slave.
R2-D2 lodges himself inside Optimus' anus.
Sexytimes.
Eh, if they're really big enough, it's more like they're putting a jelly bean in an exhaust pipe.
God dammit.
Imagines what Dudley would search for...DEAR GOD MAKE THE IMAGES GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rule 34.... And it's corollary: Even if it DOESN'T exist, there is porn of it...
With proper punctuation, this could become a totally different story!
"Please, Hermione, don't! Eat me!" said Pansy.
"Please Hermione. Don't eat." Me said, Pansy.
If Pansy's clothes are in Hermione's vagina, what's going to happen if Hermione ever returns to normal size? Wait, I don't want to know, nvm.
I've seen people who enjoy Clopin/Frollo, which is as close as I can think of to the inflatable clown/nun. Someone made an amv for it on youtube -_-;
He's a master of baiting! HYUK HYUK HYUK (Sorry, but every time I see "masterbate", I have to say it.) At least it's not masticating.
Anyway, where to begin? Macrophilia, already a transformation fetish, can go to foot fetishism or vore. And he goes for both, so Tohts for everybody! But wait, there's moar! We get Slutty Hogwarts again. Dirty girl, that school.
Wait, nipple fucking? Where a normal pervert sees some random object and wonders how to make it into a vagina, a fanfic writer sees some random object and sees how to make it into a penis, or as they call it, "love tentacle".
That was the most realistic use of the pym particles I ever read in a comic ! Hank really knows how to get his groove on ! (Besides it's Janet ! I'd crawl on her juices whenever she wants ! That goes for Wanda too..)
Same.
It's like a horrible, horrible Professor Layton puzzle that the FF author just didn't want to deal with.
I know... it's like Hemmingway.
It's not the length, it's the diameter!
But you didn't lay down next to anything to do sexual things to the survivors! As a survivor, I DEMAND SEXUAL THINGS!!!
...and then Voldemort approaches the scene, looks around, says "holy shit," and renounces magic forever THE END
WHAT FUCKED UP LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING?
Someone read this out loud with appropriate pronunciation for all the accent marks! GO!
I wish Hermione would've nipple-fucked one of the Patil sisters instead, so they could sing "Come see me fuck nipples, fuck nipples... haahhh, nipple nipple. Hahhh nipple nipple." I think I want to rewrite that whole song to suit this fic...
"President Shinra lay his giant naked body on the remains of Sector 7 and did sexual things to all the survivors".
Hmm...
Maybe Hermione can be a camwhore too. Show us how she took on that tower.
Isn't Twilight a fan-fic at heart?
Well, if she was attempting to undress while being used as a toy, she would be writhing around a little... It could pass for a Magic Bullet...
Incidentally I'm not riled by the author's abysmal writing; I'm aggravated by the fact the Slytherins dwell in a dungeon and that Hermione, a brilliant student, hasn't even heard of the growth potion. Oh the nerdery!
P.S.Yay for convenient plot mechanisms and mentioning the obvious.
Hmmm - at a hundred feet tall (assuming a roughly 5'6" tall starting point and average human proportions), her vagina is only about 9 feet deep. I dont know how big Hogwarts Castle is, so I just went with some average castle sizes off of google - towers tend to run about 60-ish feet tall. So in order to pleasure herself the castle, she'd have to be at LEAST 750 feet tall.
At that scale, a 6 foot tall man would appear about half an inch tall. Harry might be able to fuck a wrinkle in her lips, but full on blow job? Forget about it!
The up side is that at her 100 foot height, her nipples are about 6 inches long and totally fuckable. So I have to give props to the author for getting that right.
And now I'm going to drink myself into a stupor for doing all this math. . . . .
Yeah, but how are you going to fuck a castle tower at only 25 feet tall? At that scale you could just barely fit someone's arm up to the shoulder!
1. Write fanfiction
2. ???
3. Sexytimes!!!
Goddamit, I nearly choked on my Diet Pepsi at that.
Squids are the most pathetic & overrated creatures for the insane sexual fantasies . Srsly , the poor bastards die right after jerking off on the eggs ! Why do they use these guys in Hentai is beyond me since they'd perish the first few moments or primary ejaculation !
Now Snakes on the other hand have 2 penii & can fuck for 24 hours straight without tiring !
or Mantis who have the greatest case of cannibalism where the male still have his groove on while his lady is eating his damn head (that's perseverance !)
What about the raping cuckoo ? Why doesn't he get a chance ?
Fluttershy babysits teen ponies while being pregnant.
Sexytimes.
-------------------
Rugrats are all grown up.
They meet bad grammar.
skexytimez
-------------------
Gill Valentine wanders around.
There are snakes too.
Sexytimes.
-------------------
A trainer and his Charizard take a bus.
The Charizard needs to take a piss.
...
Duh, in the end he wets himself, the end.
And irrelevant to said question, I noticed how unalike my avatars expression is to my own after reading this. Unless he's happy to find this and see that I am now confused and upset...sounds about right.
...What the fuck did I just read?
What?! No tiny women Harry Potter dick sandwhich? I'm with Rob, This story title is misleading.
Ahaha oh geez I haven't enjoyed a commentary that much in ages. Thank you for greatly improving my drunken haze.
Well, the content itself was, as usual, ridiculous. I mean really now, there wasn't some sort of spell to set her back to normal size? Come on now! Dumbledore could have solved that problem with a wave of his wand! Stupid Plot....
True... true...
There's a fetish out there for pretty much everything you can think of. I bet someone out there is making love to an inflatable clown while dressed as a nun.
Me, I'll never understand why foot fetishes exist, because feet are stinky and gross. But then, I have a hypnofetish. *shrugs*
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING THIS UP AAAAAAAAAARGAFSGFDASDGFASAVBAULKFKGFJNDFK.jl;lkgk;.luoilukghghfg
I'm just concerned about poor sexy Hogwarts castle getting raped all the time. Does a rape victims hotline exist for architecture? Because I'm pretty sure it would be calling it right now.
Tell me again why I looked. OOo wait I'm working on getting Potted. (yes bad pun)
As I sit here with my tumbler of whiskey, and reread this, I realize something. THIS IS CRAP. I've read better things on bathroom walls. Did the guy (obviously a guy) actually watch the moive?? Or just said ooo wait Herminone in Harry Potter Right?? So is Potter. And they have a castle. OOOKAYYY!! Lets make a fic about it.
Weep robotieres, weep. This fic here is the future of literacy.
Honestly, I lost it at the HYUK HYUK HYUK after "You're going to get bigger, he said as the bulge in his robes got even bigger. He thought that was funny because they both kept getting bigger."
Not-Tiny Hermione. Really. That's what it was called. GiantessLover's brilliance never ceases to astound me.
I lost it so hard, when she broke the window with her nipple I just started laughing and could not stop. this was nice
Harry was born in 1980, so add 10+the year he's in for the date (plus an extra year if it's after Christmas).
GUYS, GUYS! I just found the ULTIMATE GIANTESS!
http://sociallyunacceptableart.tumblr.com/post/16998339879/can-i-switch-planets
David tortures his pokemon to near death.
Sexytimes...?
were any of the sexually assaulted survivors the screaming, masturbating men? i feel an odd need to see if they stuck with it after their tower fell, cause i think they would be pretty happy about it...
For what it's worth: I love the name you use here! XD
Man's greatest treasure, indeed! ^_^
We've got a Facebook Group--if you dig that sort of thing...the link's in my screen name (the invitation is open to all, of courseXD)
Rob's typo of "Herry Potter" in the first sentence: Freudian slip. Rob was hoping for really fucked up, nasty German scat porn.
"Pansy landed in Hermione's stomach and the acid killed her"
So succinct.
orphaned comment--hate u disqus :(
To summarize: Beige prose, creepy sex, murder, creepy sex combined with murder and cannibalism, unfortunate implications, grossly misrepresented characters... and yet, this story is still boring without Rob's comments. Fascinating.
My favorite:
""I say, Francis, is it me or is there a massive vagina in the sky?"
"Goodness, Oliver, I do believe you're correct. Or else that's the weirdest bird I've ever seen."
Would you be less baffled if Hogwarts were fucked by something of a smaller size? Personally, I'd be even more confused.
Please, let's not bring up drills when discussing Harry Potter fan fic around here. http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/11/fan_fiction_friday_draco_and_lucius_malfoy_in_squi.php
He doesn't. -ZING!- But seriously, alcohol. Lots of it.
It never ceases to amaze me how FUBAR some of these things can get. I'd say that image Rob first posted perfectly fits this situation because that's what I do after EVERY STORY!!!
How on earth does he stay sane?
She's too busy boning DobbyXD
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/05/fan_fiction_friday_professor_trelawney_and_dobby_t.php
>Hermione took Pansy's tiny body which was screaming and shoved her into
her pussy. Hermione felt really good because it was like a human dildo.
I suspect this "GiantessLover" is actually Geoff Johns, what with him writing that Avengers scene where Hank Pym crawled around in Janet's wasp juices...
Oh my god. Oh my god. I've been using 'tinyhermione' as a handle on the internet for years. Oh my god. This is awful.
TotalComments: 100
Nerd news, humor and self-loathing.Edited by Rob Bricken