Ha ha! I found it! Nerd girl porn! Porn for nerdy girls! And nerdy gay men! Well, io9 found it, but still -- this is a page from a three-page Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic written by Joss Whedon himself, available for free over at Dark Horse. Now admittedly, it is part of a dream sequence, and the kiss happens off-panel (Shatterstar and Rictor could show these guys a thing or two about PDA). But it has been drawn by the amazing Jo Chen, whose Buffy covers have actually made me a little gay for Xander, something Nicholas Brendon couldn't pull off. Anyways, enjoy. It's a bit overdue.
If you're done with Marvel Legends -- and I couldn't blame you if you were -- then I apologize. It's just as a toy collector, I've been desperately following all Marvel Legends news for so long that it's hard for me to not mention when something newsworthy happens regarding the 6-inch figures. For instance, Hasbro revealed three of the potential figures that they'll be showing off at SDCC -- Warpath, the Multiple Man and Lady Bullseye -- and every nerdy cell in my body is screaming at me to mention. Remember, these are Fan Choice figures, so they have to be voted on to get made according to Hasbro:
"There's a new wave of Marvel Legends 2
Packs on the way in 2010 and you help to decide who's in them. The
basics are simple - six total characters, you pick three and we pick
three. Sound like fun? Voting for this all new Fan's Choice will start
on July 22nd when we reveal all of the possible choices at San Diego
Comic Con."
Head over to 16bit.com to see Warpath and if you want me to knock this shit off, let me know in the comments.
I know I'm supposed to be off, but it's the fourth of July and Gorilla Mask linked to this, and I just couldn't not post it. Happy Independence Day, American-type people.
If you just started reading Topless Robot in the past few weeks, you'd be forgiven for thinking I have a policy to pre-hate all upcoming nerd-based movies. This isn't true; I just hate stupid ideas, and they seem to be coming fast and furious these days. So I'm glad to report two rumors/spoilers that cast the upcoming Spidey 4 and Iron Man 2 flicks in a more positive light. Spoilers ahoy, so be warned.
First up, if you were concerned about Mickey Rourke's Lord Humungus-esque Whiplash harness/outfit that got revealed a few months ago, Comic Book Resources says that's for an early scene in IM2, and Rourke will be wearing a more imposing, armored Whiplash/Crimson Dynamo-type outfit before the end. Now, I think that's a good thing. It's hard to take Rourke as a credible threat for Iron Man when his nipples are exposed.
The second rumor is very much a rumor, because I can't track down where it started, but i concerns Michael Papajohn's appearance in Spidey 4 which gave me a small nerd rage-aneurysm the other day. I just assumed that Raimi was going to re-re-retcon Uncle Ben's death, but someone somewhere has suggested that this might actually be Spidey villain the Chameleon in one of his disguises. I certainly hope that's the case, since it both fucks with Spidey and doesn't muck up the already murky waters of movie Uncle Ben's murder.
So yes. Two things thaat make me look forward to two comic-based movies, although admittedly they're not confirmed. It is possible, people. It's just not very often.
Supergirl is -- or at least should be -- the best superhero in the world for young girls (moreso than Wonder Woman, in my woman, who should theoretically skew a bit older) but Supergirl has dressed like a porn star dressed as a school girl for half a decade or so. But no more. DC editor Matt Idleson apparently made a decree not too long ago that he "never wants to see Supergirl's panties again." Apparently, she'll be wearing red shorts underneath her mini-skirt, and tragic as it is that this is news, it is news (I got it from NPR!), because these shorts are long, long overdue.
I can't tell you how much I approve of this. I know comics sexualize the heck of both women and men, but throwing Supergirl into the exploitative mix always struck me as wrong. I don't know if it's because she's supposed to be a teen (and presumably underage in most states) or if Superman's ideal's would probably force him to ask his cousin to stop flashin' dat ass, but it always seemed inappropriate, and I'm glad DC has finally gotten around to correcting this. I hope no one's upset about this, although surely someone is. It's not like Power Girl is putting on a sweater or anything; there's plenty of superheroines left to ogle. And there's always actual pornography, too. Thanks to Jamie for the tip. (Via NPR)
Oh no, that's not my opinion. It's actually the title of this insane and pretty freaking awesome fan flick found by Bam Kapow. Is it actually the greatest fan film of all time? Well, I'm not sure, but it is 45 minutes long, which is very impressive even if it's all done in flash animation. Plus, although it starts out kind of slow -- like preposterously slow, thanks to a Superman original prologue and lengthy credit sequence, and then becomes just kind of slow while centered at a mass superhero party for about 10 minutes -- if you can get past that, and make it to the 15:00-minute mark, you will be treated to 30 minutes of pure fan awesomeness. I really don't want to spoil anything, because it's that good, but I will tell you this -- at one point, the Power Rangers' MegaZord and Voltron combine to form an even bigger robot... whiich fights Galactus. Oh, and stay until the end to see exactly what Captain America thinks about Cher. It's well worth the time investment, I promise. Thanks to Dizz and everyone else who sent me the link for the tip.
Oh, not really. Marvel just "outed" Shatterstar -- who I know nothing about other than he's a mutant with swords and a glowy eye -- and Rictor -- who I've never even heard of. They're gay now. I have no problem with this, but I can't help but notice the difference in-between Marvel's characters with alternative lifestyles and their Distinguished Competition's. I mean, Shatterstar and Rictor aren't exactly high-profile superheroes; meanwhile, a lesbian is starring in DC's most venerable comic, Detective Comics, as Batwoman, Plus, The Question is a lesbian now, too, right? Seems like DC is a tad more progressive in that respect.
Yes, I know Marvel also has gay characters in Runaways and Young Avengers (young people are more susceptible to catching "teh gay") and Northstar, but none of those are top-tier characters either, and I also think he's dead. I'm just saying DC seems to be allowing homosexual characters a higher profile. Although all of DC's gay characters seems to be hot lesbians. Maybe everyone's terrible and I shouldn't have brought it up. (Via Robot6)
I liked Spider-man1 and 2. They weren't masterpieces but they were fun, and Willem Dafoe classed up the entire project as the Green Goblin. As we all know, Spider-man 3 was a mess, partially by cramming in too many villains, that ridiculous evil Peter Parker dance scene, and -- although I might be the only one who thought -- trying to ret-con Peter's Uncle Ben's death from the first movie so that Flint Marko (somehow) did it and no one knew until just that moment. I absolutely hate when movies and TV series do that. It works when you plan for it ahead of time, but it's just pathetic and forced when you don't, and clearly, Sam Raimi and crew hadn't planned for it when generally unknown actor Michael Papajohn (love his pizza!) played the thug who offed the kindly uncle/rice magnate. Worst of all, this sloppy, shoddy ret-con could not possibly have been necessary to introduce Sandman as a character or a villain, making it even more needless and maddening.
So guess how excited I am about this (from Superhero Hype):
Last week, we received word that actor Michael Papajohn might be back for Spider-Man 4. Scooper 'Wolf' tried to follow up with him on Saturday and here's the result:
I was over at the weekly comic book show Frank & Son over in
Industry, CA, and while I was walking around with my uncle we suddenly
ran into Michael Papajohn. I wouldn't have noticed him except for the
pictures he had all over his signing desk. ... Anyways, I asked him about Spider Man 4
because of the rumor I read that he was going to be in it. He said "I
can't talk about it, but who says I died in the first one?" My uncle
asked him again and he quipped "if I tell you I'll have to shoot you."
Jokingly, of course. That's all I got.
You have got to be shitting me, Raimi. Are you retconning Uncle Ben's death again? Is the dude who shot Uncle Ben and died then became the guy who didn't shoot Uncle Ben and died now becoming the dude who possibly shot Uncle Ben but didn't die? Goddamn it, get a new idea. This one isn't even that interesting, and you're making the entire franchise retroactively stupider evert time you mess with this shit. Mean-spirited comics nerds, please compare/contrast the movie to the spidey comics in the comments. Thank you.
Really Batman? You couldn't just beat these thugs up like a regular superhero; you just had to slam that one guys head into the railing then toss him off the guard tower, and do a flying drop kick on that other guys from 50-feet up, didn't you? Here's a mystery, world's greatest detective -- why are you such an asshole?
Horrible pun for not-that-clever article title notwithstanding, Kotaku dug up this video of Batman: Arkham Asylum being played by some Polish dude (no racial jokes, thanks) and it is looking sweet. I really dig the little touches, like Batman's shielding of himself when he blows his explosive gel, and really, slamming that sniper's head int the railing is awesome. Awesomely dickish.
< Here's some good news I wasn't expecting: Marvel Legends, the awesome toyline from Toy Biz that got bought by Hasbro, who made some terrible figures but then made a few good figures but almost immediately seemed to cancel the line -- okay, this got away from me a little bit -- but Marvel's main toy guy Jesse Falcon apparently told folks at Wizard World Philadelphia that Hasbro would be showing off 16-18 new Marvel Legends figures at San Diego Comic Con! This includes an X-Force Warpath, Madrox the Multiple Man, Lady Bullseye, anew Deadpool and a new Inhuman, and a bunch of two-packs, none of which will be retailer exclusive. Whee!
I have no problem with Hasbro's 3 3/4-inch Marvel Universe line, but I've been collecting my peculiar roster of Avengers in Legends for years -- I wasn't about to start over in a new, smaller scale, and I know a lot of collectors feel the same. So the news that there's more to come --although I don't have the faintest clue who I'd personally want (except a Dr. Druid figure that I could beat with hammers) -- is very cool. Check out a few more details at Marvelous News, and let me know who's missing from the Legends line in the comments. It's a really slow day and I'm bored. The photo comes from Carls Life, FYI.
Not many. Not many at all, since it's only going to run in four cities. But the "director's cut" -- which I believe is still the extended version coming out on the special edition DVD but not the eventual version with the Black Freighter edited in -- will head to a few theaters around Comic Con time, mostly to promote DVD sales. From the Hollywood Reporter:
The cut, which will have an additional 25 minutes of footage
including the death of a supporting character, will screen in Los
Angeles, New York, Minneapolis and Dallas before the movie is
released on Blu-ray and DVD on July 21.
The rollout will culminate with a special screening July 25 at
Comic-Con that is designed to act as a BD-Live event, a Blu-ray
feature that will allow any viewer in North America to watch the
movie simultaneously as the audience at Comic-Con, see and hear
Snyder comment on the movie, and even ask questions. The screening
will then be archived and will be able to be accessed for future
viewings.
This isn't terribly exciting, but apparently nothing happened in the world of nerds between my last post yesterday and this morning, so... there you go.
As implied when we heard that Ben Reilly, the shockingly well-liked star of Spider-Man's not-shockingly hated Clone Saga, was returning to the Marvel universe, Reilly's bringing all his baggage with him and those bags are stuffed full of the mess known as the Clone Saga. Spider-Man: The Clone Saga #1 hits stores this September, written by Tom Defalco and Howard Mackie. Now, it will be a six-issue miniseries, which as Comics Alliance points out, makes it essentially meaningless to the current Spidey tales. Which is probably for the best. Potentially more important is the Marvel solicit itself, which says "Marvel's most controversial event of all time returns with a vengeance,
presenting the Clone Saga as it was originally intended to be told!"
...huh?
So is this a retelling of the actual Clone Saga, but without all the bullshit? Or is Ben Reilly actually coming back? Is it set back in Spidey's '90s, or is it set now, post-One More Day? Does it really matter? I don't know, and if Marvel's telling, they ain't telling me. However, given how many of you guys were actually pro-Ben Reilly in the last article, I'm going to guess you're tentatively excited about this. Am I right?
First things first: this is obviously not the Pokémon story. I will post it at some point, possibly for a special event, but only because I hate you all and wish misery upon you. Second, I'm sorry this is a little late, but for the life of me, I had a tough time deciding between this tale and another by the same author, Crudedude. That one involves Spider-man, but since GENCOM, THE GENIE COMPUTER still lingers so large in our hearts, I decided to save that one for later too. Besides, this one is... well, maybe you can explain it to me:
THE STORY SO FAR: Dicks Harvey Dent and Jack Napier rob with Jonathan
Crane and Crane's partners, Ra's al Ghul and Edward Nigma. The chief
gets a call from Batman, hero of gotham city, offering to include Ra's
and Edward when he spanks Harvey and Jack that evening. Mr. Wayne is a
friend, and the evil boys' nemesis. Before the boys leave to keep their
appointments with Mr. Wayne, the police remind them to put on clean
underpants - not a good sign for dicks about to get their first
spankings.
Don't stress out -- this is the first chapter, although it starts here. To sum up, Batman is going to spank Joker, Two-Face, Ra's al Ghul, the Riddler and Scarecrow. The villains are all teen boys for some reason. More baffling is that Batman is doing this spanking in an official police capacity. Most baffling is that Crudedude refers constantly to the young villains as "dicks." I don't believe they are private detectives, but I also don't believe they're assholes; I'm afraid the author is just referring to them as their genitalia or something, but I can't tell for sure, since he seems far more interested in their asses. Join me after the jump, won't you?
