• The Nth Man Ok, here's another piece of shit creation from Marvel. Larry Hama was responsible for biring this steaming pile of rrecycled crap out. The Nth man was supposed to be the ultimate ninja yet ye kind of looked like someone's uncle or creepy cousin who was way into martial arts. You remember, the guy who hung out with kids way younger than him and showed off his skill with 'chucks'. Anyway, he was supposed to be this major bad ass who led a team of soldiers - including some guy named "Alfie" behind enemy lines. Sadly, I don't remember much more than that but i remember it sucked.

• Jericho, from the Teen Titans. Should have been awesome, right? Deathstroke the Terminator kicks ass. Deathstroke's daughter kicks ass. Deathstroke's mute mutant son? Ryan Phillipe at the Renaissance Fair. He had sort of a weird possession power that was arguably useful except for the fact that you could block it by closing your eyes, and also that he was mute, so he could never taunt his victims with the seemingly-obvious refrain of "You're hitting yourself! You're hitting yourself! Why do you keep hitting yourself?"

• Dazzler - It was 1980, a heady time, when record, film and comic companies were seeking to synergize and conquer the mass media with their designed by committee state-of-the-art superstar scientifically designed to conquer the disco charts!... by outlasting all the competition when even the soulless disco pimps realized that disco was a soulless dying artform and bailed, leaving poor Alison Blaire top of the charts and not coincidentally bottom of the charts. She-Thing: dear god, the sound of stone grinding against stone has never been so chilling. NFL SuperPro: If Dazzler has taught us nothing, its is that synergizing is the path to fame and fortune. Or at least fame, as one in a long list of terrible, badly thought out characters that litter the comicbook industry. Longshot: The year was 1994. A scrawny kid had finally discovered the joys of spending large amounts of cash on otherwise useless pieces of cardboard in the form of Marvel Masterpiece collector cards. Each week I would treasure those precious foil parcels with the cards that served as a valuable information source on these strange things called Mutants that I learnt about on Saturday morning's X-men cartoon. Each unsullied parcel held limitless possibilities and when that foil was slowly prized apart it would invariably reveal... a card depicting a slender, blonde Barbie in leather and a stupid eye tattoo. The text on the back confusingly referred to 'his' extraordinary luck and lightweight, agile skeleton. The stupid artist hadn't even counted the number of fingers on the lady's hand. She only had four. She was like a lame lady Gambit. And Gambit had extraordinary agility, luck, hypnotic charm and HE COULD BLOW SHIT UP! Plus, he had secondary sexual characeristics like an adam's apple and stubble. Gambit was cool, this Longshot lady was not. Gambit was as rare as hensteeth. When I finally stopped collecting Marvel Masterpieces I had 1 Gambit. I had 12 Longshots. It was like her extraordinary luck had cursed me. Each Marvel Masterpieces foil back held limitless possibilities, and an equally limitless number of Longshot cards. Whizzer: While the Whizzer is indeed the suck. Stiltman could qualify for a superhero during that brief issue when he registered during the civil war and then was rocketlaunched to death by The Punisher while apprehending a criminal. US Archer and Razorback will never stop trucking. Robin: Man, I've never seen it so clearly explained then in that entry. I tip my songbird themed hat to you JPyke. Batman: Wait, DG, Bruce Wayne as a mentally disturbed Celebutante actually fits a lot more than I'd like to admit. Thunderbirds unquiet grave disturbs me as much as the Chameleon's and Peter Parker's lead up to their lovechild. Spider-man's devotion to Aunt May is really beginning to take on Norman Bates' levels of creepy. Lay the old battle axe to rest already. (well wait until she's dead) He should really have a look at that serenity prayer, then man up some. Sleepwalker. Sandman done right! *rimshot* Hank Pym's greatest moment? Getting killed by Iron Man during one of his blackouts, thus facilitating the stupid Age versus Youth Iron Man storyline from the mid-90s. The rest of his career has been even worse than that. The lesson is: don't beat your wife. Or get interesting powers. I'm sure it's one of those. Skateman: Everything's better with 'nam flashbacks. 'Nam flashbacks and roller-skates. Anateaus: Because if Batman thinks you're obsessive: You. Have. A. Problem. AND if you feel the need to implant a nuclear reactor into your body. You. Have. A. Problem. Illuminator: proving that through out all history everything goes better with religion. Especially if its one of those zany religions that makes you treat non-believer's like the filth they so obviously are. Prowler: one of a number of Heroes that prove being a registered sex offender doesn't have to interfere with your heroic life. Daredevil: I've reserving any commentary on this until we have an open forum to hurl abuse at Ben Affleck. Captain Boomerang its hard when your entire culture can be represented by a dude in safari suit and a retarded accent. Slapstick! Man I decided I'd pick up some Avengers: the Iniitiative and I was trying to work out who the hell that guy was supposed to be. And then I looked him up on wikipedia and discovered he was an established superhero. What the hell? It didn't help any that he was hanging with that huge black guy who wears a Hello Kitty mask... Rage? And the original Superman sounds a lot like Sin City's Marv. Yeah I think I'd actually pay money to see the next reboot reboot if they went that route.

• Yeah, guys, Dog Welder is from Hitman. Obviously satirical and falls into The Tick category. Pick up the Hitman trades and the recent Hitman/JLA crossover. Great stuff.

• So you see you can't always trust wikipedia on their Superman knowledge. The reason he flies now is because of the Fleischer cartoons. It was too difficult and odd looking for them to animate him jumping around so they just made him fly. In fact, the comic version didn't start flying until some time after the cartoons came out. They made him a the Big Blue Boy Scout just because they were selling the book to kids. They did the same to Batman too. And now they both have codes against killing but each of them killed someone within their first ten appearances. The whole "Oh he is too powerful" thing is annoying. He is not called Kinda Impressive But Not That Great Guy...He is SUPERMAN. He is an alien being who wants to fit in. He got his powers by coming to Earth and in reality he wants to be a human. Not the other way around like ALL the other heroes and villains. Okay I will completely admit Supes by the 1970's was waaaay too over-powered and had some dumb powers but you should really read some 1950's Batman and Wonder Woman stuff. Because by the 50's, the big three were basically the only DC characters around and their stories also had Bats and Wondey doing stupid things and having weird. goofy costumes and weapons. Kryptonite is not the only thing that affects Superman then and now. Magic in all its forms can and does work on Superman. The supernatural like Dracula, the godly powers of Captain Marvel, and pure magic spells like the ones Zatanna can perform can all effectively take him out. Superman is NOT a bad nor crappy character. Just poorly written over time. But Slapstick, NFL SuperPro, US Archer, and Squirrel Girl will always suck balls. Oh and by the way, Dog Welder was supposed to be bad. Garth Ennis is not a fan of super hero books and so he always likes to make them look and sound dumb. So that was intentional and a joke on us comic fans.

• Slapstick is his name and sucking is his game. You see this kid, Steve Harmon, was a bullied nerd and he dressed up as a clown to blend in at a carnival and to get revenge on his rival. The bully and his girl get kidnapped and Steve grabs a mallet and goes through a fun house mirror that is really a disguised portal to save his tormentor. Now he gains powers like the Mask about 10 years AFTER the Mask comic came out. His powers allow him to become a generic cartoon character. Wow so original. This rube even was a charter member of the New Warriors! But wait there is so much more to this "winner"...The scientist who explained his "condition" to him looked just like Groucho Marx and when Stickyboy went in the mirror, there was an energy burst that alerted the senses of...Doctor Strange, Silver Surfer, Spider-Man, and Howard the Duck! Ok, I get Strange and the Surfer and power blah blah blah. And maybe Spidey just for the cameo to sell the book but Howard the fucking Duck!?! Really? Was Squirrel Girl too busy to notice? Was 3-D Man(AKA Triathlon) taking a nap? Now you see there are faaaaar lamer characters than someone who has a doofy costume, gimmick, and origin as Slapstick but read the wikipedia on this fella and there is one thing that really sucks, he is really powerful. He has like an infinite glove of holding, he can stretch like Mr. Fantastic, he is nearly indestructible, and gets stronger if you shock him. Thanks Marvel, Way to polish a turd!

• There really shouldn't be any argument here. It's Superman, and there's a host of reasons why. First, though, let me say that the character was ground-breaking and excellent at the start. In fact, let's go back to the beginning on him. What was his catch-phrase? "Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...?" Yeah, that was it, wasn't it? That was the original scope of Superman's powers. A good set, definitely, but actually underpowered by today's superhero standards, and less than one percent of what Superman himself sports these days. More than that, Superman was a rough-around-the-edges guy; he clearly used lethal force (though not explicitly) against some of his early foes, who, by the way, weren't super-powered because regular enemies were enough to be a handful for Supes. You can trace his lameness to the growth of his powers. According to wikipedia, it all started with his flight. See, original Superman couldn't fly; he just had a hell of a standing long jump. But a guy who's jumping all over the place looks like a douchebag - and the comic artists requested permission to just change his powers so he flew. Permission came through, and the dam effectively burst. Eventually Superman had nothing to hold him back. He was effectively a god, invulnerable and omnipotent - and the story wasn't a satire so they couldn't have him be a jerk. So they changed his personality to the Big Blue Boy Scout that he's known as today, effectively admitting that they'd made a character so powerful that the only thing capable of stopping him on a regular basis was himself. Everything else that keeps Superman in the comics is effectively inertia. But what about kryptonite, you may ask? It's crap. Either Superman's overpowered for the situation or he's worthless; there's no middle ground. How do you use a character that's effectively capable of precision-nuking the bad guys at will unless they happen to have a little green rock, in which case he's dying (but, for all of his many exposures, apparently kryptonite isn't that harmful...)? Or if they have a little gold rock, in which case he's powerless. Or a red one, which just does weird crap. Or a pink one, which turns him gay (I did not make that up, people!). They turned a strong, original character with a gruff personality into a character that was too powerful to be really interesting.

• Ravage 2099 was a futuristic garbage man who fought crime. IN THE FUTURE.

• The worst comic book superhero I can think of is David Linus 'Microchip' Lieberman, the Punisher's hacker, councillor and betrayer. Rip into Robin all you want but at least he can actually keep up with the Batman. Micro stayed in the A-team 'Battle Van' and whispered sweet nothings into the Punisher's earpiece while he disemboweled Mafioso with 30 years of killing experience. And Robin never betrayed the Batman because he thought he wasn't doing his job right, tried to replace him with a younger, trendier model and locked Bruce Wayne in his family home with a loaded firearm to face the demons of his dead family or blow his brains out. Micro did. The fact that at that point the Punisher has been offing guys left, right and centre for around 20 years so he could avoid having to confront the death of his family was probably a good indication that Castle didn't want to think about it. And when the Punisher broke out of the nerd's therapy session and tried to kill him, the only thing that saved his life was some schmuck calling himself "Stone Cold" apparently killing Micro before the Punisher could. After that Frank Castle hit a bit of a rough patch, he joined the Mafia, died, came back to life, started killing people for God, stopped killing people for God and then virtually disappeared until he earned redemption from this character derailment under the awesome pen of Garth Ennis. Who the hell cares what Micro was doing because he turns up in 2004, using his unique position as the Punisher's only friend to advise the CIA on how to capture his friend and sic him on Osama bin Laden. Way to go, Judas! Moving up in the world, from the days of sweating it out in the battle van and quaffing Cheetohs. Plus this pays better, out of a grey CIA account funded by smuggling heroin out of Afghanistan in the coffins of dead G.I's and sold on the streets of America. Holed up in a warehouse and being assaulted by suicidal Mafioso and an insane CIA asshole, the Punisher tears the opposition apart and finishes the day off, by sticking a 12 gauge against his only friend's head and blowing out his brains for profiting from drugs. So I nominate Microchip for being a complete and utter douche, thinking he can reason with someone as insane as the Punisher, being the worst sidekick since Judas, trying to use a homicidal killing machine as your own personal weapon, and betraying those principals and then trying to reason your way out of the stone cold logic that has driven Punisher into a homicidal fury that has lasted 40 some odd years. And the final nail in the coffin is in the movie he's portrayed by Wayne Knight. I rest my case.

• Power Pack? What you talking about? They ended an interstellar war, are solidly competent in general at the superheroing gig, and have power over the fundimental forces of the universe. I mean, sure some of the codenames are lame, but Runaways has worse ones, and that book was excellent.

• How about every member of Power Pack (except Frankin Richards)... Them or Captain Planet.

• I think I'm going to have to go with form of an eagle, and, form of a bucket of water Wonder Twins Zan and Jayna, I think the two-fer of terrible, a triple when you throw in the stupid blue monkey, would probably take that for sheer uselessness in comics, the creepy Donnie and Marie vibe they give off, and making Aquaman look like a badass. When they can pull off any creature and any form of water and we don't get anything even remotely imaginative, think about form of Cthulhu and form of acid rain, but no we get crappy eagle that does nothing and a bucket of water; again though, what the hell does the monkey do?

• I submit Doll Man, a golden age superhero whose only power is "a formula that enables him to shrink to the height of six inches while retaining the full strength of his normal size." He wears a cape and fairy boots, and his greatest weakness is that -- HE'S SIX INCHES TALL! He's not microscopic, he's not even "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" small. If he had an action figure, it'd be his actual size. I mean, for god's sake, he get's into scrapes like this -- http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/9084/dollman2106ec.jpg. He was created by Will Eisner, so if he's not the crappiest superhero, he's certainly in the running for most ineffectual.

• I'm going to say anyone who pulls one mission with the Suicide Squad and makes it through in one piece is off my list pretty much for life. The Subs, from the legion seem weak, but they manage to pull the jobs they take amazingly well, and frankly, they were the only silver age DC heroes who weren't douchebags. So, I'm out of the standards. Fortunately, no-one has mentioned Atmo yet. And he's a pretty bad superhero. He has a mohawk, no armpits. Also, he's got date rape powers. Seriously. For a villain, it's creepy. For a hero... well. It kinda makes you root for Darkseid.

• cKHAVIKk: I agree totally, and to clarify... I can remember, as a kid, thinking Savage Dragon was seriously gay, but not gay as in lame... I thought the whole thing was startlingly homoerotic, for reasons I don't entirely recall, as I've forgotten most things about the franchise.

• No mentions of Danny Chase, Pantha or Baby Wildebeest? Everything that was great about the early 80's New Teen Titans was pretty much over with the introduction of these characters. It wasn't much better over in JLA, with Vibe, Gypsy and Vixen. Think about it...during the Detroit years of JLA, Aquaman was the big name cool hero. A bad era for DC comics all around. Still, Danny Chase was the worst. If you know the character you're probably nodding in agreement. No examples are needed.

• The Aquarian. A bearded Hippy version of Superman. A costume with flowing Stevie Nicks sleeves. Seriously.

• Jubilee blows stuff up. A lot of stuff. The lightshow that does nothing is the lowest "setting" on her powers.

• I'm not going to get long winded here, but Savage Dragon is pretty fucking gay.

• batman. he sucks balls.

• SCENE: A bar in Sydney, Australia. A man in a poorly designed costume, strides through the front door. His is a fruity blue costume that no amount amount of re desgins could hope to save. From his 70s style airhostess hat to his belt waisted jacket, his costume is decorated with, from at a distance appear to be white bananas but, upon closer inspection, are actually poorly drawn white birds. "Strewth", the man says to the gathered patronage. "Stone the farking crows. Its a bonzer day for tinnies, prawns on the farking barbie and going to the flicks with yer sheila, eh?" The patrons look confused at this alien interloper's words. His presence filled them with fear and distaste. Just then, there was a strident rebel yell and an obese man in cowprint chaps and a ten gallon hat burst into the bar. On his shoulder are yellow spots that on closer inspection, turn out to be nacho fragments. "Yeehaw, reach for the sky, you rootin' tootin' varmints! Ima bust a cap in yer peanut butter and jelly sammiches and dance a dosey do!" The patrons relaxed. This guy was just an American. The American pulled a rope from his belt and spun a quick lasso out of it. His skill with the archaic weapon was impressive as long as someone didnt consider how much of his life he had wasted to attain it. "Yo, lookout pardners, Im Loo-tenant Lariat. Im the quickest rope in alla the United States. Dont that beat all?" The man in blue's gaze met those of Lieutenant Lariat. In that moment, they both experienced a cosmic revelation. "Crikey, we can be shitty cultural stereotypes together! Stone the crows!" "Yeehaw!" Fuck you, Captain Fucking Boomerang. - Show quoted text -

• There are so many: Doug Ramsey - Cypher of the X-men. OOOH, he can speak a bunch of different languages. Who cares loser? Move aside while the rest of us mutants use our actual powers. Beak of the X-men. He was created by Grant Morrison during one of the lamest runs on the X-men. Enough said! Prometheus - DC bat villain. He took down the JLA and what ultimately stopped him? Catwoman kicked him in the twig and berries. Next time wear a cup you chump. Step aside loser.

• <BLOCKQUOTE>Relampago, the first Mexican-American superhero. He's nigh invincible, but spends his days selling bags of oranges.</BLOCKQUOTE> How's that? <BLOCKQUOTE>As for his civilian life, Marcos works as a para-legal assistant for and devotes his time helping troubled youths avoid gang life.</BLOCKQUOTE>

• I gotta say that there are some great mentions in here, heroes never heard of and some just unexplainable. I think that as obscure as you want to be( chlorophyl boy??!), or as obvious (Aquaman, poor bastard son of a sea captain who went on to be the fothermucking king of Atlantis! Atlantis, kids! That's serious shit, you think having some uncle you can't account for from Indonesia is a tough hurdle to over come on your race to the White House? That's notthing, try being a despised Terran appealing to the hearts and minds of atlanteans! No easy feat, I'll champion you poor Arthur Currie. But then there is "The Man without Fear" Daredevil. A "pro bono" lawyer (c'mon, that's bull shit right there, he would have been of-fed by a bullet just for that alone.) The guy is blind, and while that shouldn't, and won't be any automatic disqualifier here, it has to be looked at as an automatic. How many costumes can this guy keep? Maybe I haven't looked at an issue for a long time, but who is doing his laundry? The dry cleaner? How can he account for blood? or if there is a sock stuck to his left shoulder from drying it, that tight suit looks like a tumble low setting to me. The "radar"sense he has is obviously convenient but just as much as the bull shit "Ultimate Nulifier" is to account for lazy writing. He also had Ben Affleck play him and in the words of Stan lee....Nuff Said, true believer.

• Since someone else tagged my boy US Archer I will have to go with my second choices...Squirrel Girl (who while cute - I love love love that overbite) is just a candidate for rabies I have to go with FLATMAN the poor man's Mister Fantastic from the equally lame Great Lakes Avengers.

• How can anyone not include US Archer that popular trucker hero with a head injury. He was so advanced that he had CB radio in his head - "ooo wow good buddy!" Not only could he control his own big rig but could pilot a spaceship too...just like it would happen in real life. How can he NOT be the lamest hero ever???

• <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relampago">Relampago</a>, the first Mexican-American superhero. He's nigh invincible, but spends his days selling bags of oranges.

• I wanna say that Michael Jackson wannabe the Beyonder but he wasn't a hero, so I vote for Zan of the Wonder Twins. You know you're lame when you need a space monkey to carry you around in a bucket.

• Rima the Jungle Girl. She was basically a female version of Tarzan and lasted only 7 issues in the 70's. She was also on 2 episodes of the Superfriends. She also appeared in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vol. 2 #3. Oh did I mention she has no powers she just lives in the jungle. Worst. Superhero. Ever.

• even he didn't make his start in comics but on the radio in the 1940s, the green hornet was the worst super hero. working at as a news reporter during the day, but at night Britt Reid became the Green Hornet. This was one of the first if not the first time a mediocre hero just so happens to be working with the news and just so happens to cover ever god damned story of said hero. this lame concept comes back will super man(another crappy comic book hero) and spider man(use concept seems almost cliche now) But what really makes the green hornet SO CRAPPY is when the TV adaptation of it comes out they casted Van Williams....a nobody ...and for Kato his so called sidekick...they casted Bruce lee...thats right the bad ass Chinese martial artiest was nothing more than a sidekick. in summation, as a villain you wouldn't be afraid to see the green hornet actually you would cause you knew the crazy yellow guy supposed to be the "sidekick" could really kick your ass and make you want to go to jail.

• http://www.marvel.com/universe/Triathlon Triathlon. He's the only one that comes close to Dr. Druid in pure retardedness.

• Antenna Lad he has the power to tune into any broadcast from any era, but mostly at random. This might just be the epitome of lame

• "Tempest?" That's even worse than Aqualad. "Tempest here!Look out villains, or I'll 'tempt" you.' *gay wink.* When someone hears the name, "Tempest," they're expecting it to have some boobs attached to it. Instead, they get a sopping wet fish-boy with issues. Scary issues. The worst part about Dial "H" for Hero is if you ever find a catalogue of super heroes at the library, he takes up like half the book. This happened to me one time. I pity whoever had to pour through all that source material to do the super hero write up.

• Since Doctor Druid and Aquaman have both been chosen already, I will go with RAPTOR! He's a suck@$$ from the G.I. Joe Marvel Comics series. He was an ACCOUNTANT who worked for Cobra and he wore an elaborate bird head and cape, with no shirt and brown pants. He was Cobras falconer. You know...because they needed one of those. Raptor was so lame, that he couldn't even get a spot on the cartoon series! On a team with the almost equally lame (and shirtless) Doctor Mindbender, Raptor stood out as even more lame. Luckily for us, writer Larry Hama didn't waste time in killing Raptor off by having him buried alive by Cobra Commander. Raptor has not been seen since.

• Plastic Man. Why? I had never heard of this dude when I got my free set of DC Comics USA Stamps in the mail and he was on them. My sister claimed Wonder Woman and Supergirl immediately (alas, I would have enjoyed having the former, at least), leaving me with only the dudes. All the dudes except for Plastic Man are currently on my wallet (psh, using limited edition stamps as actual stamps). My wallet gets comments all the time for how badass it is (also people have no idea where I got the stamps). I am 100% sure if Plastic Man had been on my wallet, people would be like "Dude your wallet sucks." I am also 100% sure if I had Wonder Woman on the wallet, people would stop assuming I'm a sexist pig who only likes male superheroes.

• &#64;zerocorpse: I can't believe they didn't push the advertising tie-in of having one of them trying to dial O-R-E-O for delicious, double-stuffed treats. Or H-O-H-O-H-O to save Christmas. Maybe the writers accidentally dialed E-R-R-O-R... Okay I've *really* got to stop it now... It's probably a good thing I wasn't able to submit suggestions for their powers...

• The "Dial 'H' For Hero" Kids. They meant this comic with all seriousness, and they are part of DC Comics Earth One continuity even to this day, but they were the most idiotic, worthless superheroes ever. Basically, there's this 30th-century device that looks like a 1960's rotary phone dial. It falls into the hands of various different people, but the use is pretty much the same with each one of them: They dial H-E-R-O, and they'd get some RANDOM powers. Random. No choice. Going to save a plane that's about to crash? Let's see what powers we get.... Hmm... I can now turn into a gorilla. Well, gee; That's helpful. When they wanted to get rid of the powers, they dialed O-R-E-H (hey, backwards! Get it?) and they'd return to normal. Even the JLA used the stupid thing to become completely different superheroes with random powers. But what made this comic, and the heroes within REALLY suck? In the 80s, two more of these stupid H-dials are found by kids, who then form a TEAM that can acquire random powers. And what made this team suck so much? The powers and superhero identities were all READERS' SUBMISSIONS (which became the full intellectual property of DC Comics Inc, giving readers a taste of what it's like to work for DC Comics in the 80s). Yeah, what a good idea Marv Wolfman-- Make a comic book based on the fan mail of 12-year-olds. So now we had TWO kids, with limited versions of the dials (in watch and necklace form), which grant reader-submitted super-identities for an HOUR, after which the powers faded (sometimes that was a blessing) and then the dials wouldn't work for another hour after that. You can see that in this scenario, you're pretty screwed if you get crappy powers. You'll have to wait two hours before dialing again! It's kind of the superhero equivalent of not swimming after you eat. So anyway, these two teenagers adventure for a while as a different hero every day (sometimes more than a few in a day). They eventually meet the original "Dial H for Hero" guy, and he explains that he (in a hero guise) made the two new dials, but limited them to the one hour time limit, and only put H-E-R-O on them instead of the full alphabet (like the original dial) so you could only be a hero (Of course, one of the kids later experiments, trying to fuck with this limitation, and spells HORROR... I think you can guess what happened). Eventually, they DO start to get the ability to control which powers they get, and even later they find out they can do it without the dials (apparently, since they were dial-addicts, they just absorbed enough of the dial's radiation into their body to be able do it on their own). Of course, this being a lame hero duo, there had to be some strife, right? The girl, Vicki, ends up going crazy (probably from being a different person every three hours), joins a cult, and decides to kill her old "Dial H" partner. That crisis is averted of course (with the help of the Teen Titans), and it serves the convenient purpose of getting the "Dial H" duo demoted down to just one guy with a stupid power. So currently, "Dial H for Hero" is one person (H.E.R.O.) who still runs around in the DC Universe, only he doesn't need the H-dial, and he automatically changes into a different superhero every hour. He's being monitored by STAR Labs, because he's kind of a freak, and he's only as useful as random chance with a little of his own luck and influence can make him. You still see him popping into a comic here or there, and you'd think he'd be insane from having a different identity every hour, but he's not-- Yet. (Grant Morrison hasn't gotten a hold of him, so far). So here's where the whole thing gets REALLY stupid-- The list of superhero identities. You see, they didn't just gain new powers each time they changed; They gained a new costume and a new name, too. Among the gems are: King Kandy Human Starfish Whozit, Whatsit and Howsit Chief Mighty Arrow Mole-Cometeer Baron Buzz-Saw Anti-Man Hasty Pudding Centaurus; Master of Vibration Attacko Fuzz-Ball Blazerina Venus the Flying Trap Sister Scissor-Limbs Beast-Maniac (what happens when you dial "HORROR") Teleman Whirl-I-Gig ...And so on. Each one of these RIDICULOUS identities were part of the DC Universe, and each one embarrassed me as a comic book reader just a little more, hour by hour. You think Sentry is mentally conflicted... Just think about the brain on a guy who turns into a different person every HOUR!

• Skate man. http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/s/skateman.jpg He is a guy... with skate. From Wikipedia... Skateman was a comic book produced by Neal Adams in 1983, and published by Pacific Comics. It is primarily known for its artistic failings; in 1990, Kitchen Sink Press's World's Worst Comics Awards listed Skateman #1 as the worst comic of the past 25 years. http://www.monkeystealsthepeaches.com/forum/

• Alright, so how about Arm Fall Off Boy? He only appeared once in Secret Origins #46 where he tried to join the Legion of Superheroes. His ability, which pretty much states in his name, is to pop off one of his arms and use it as a club... He only had a few lines, but they're golden: "My power will astound you! Observe as I detach my limb... and transform it into a deadly weapon! Die, villain! HA-YAAAAA!"

• Nevermind, I just noticed I got scooped. My "find" tool is caps sensitive, it seems.

• I would like to add that the Wikipedia entry reads that Captain Canuck is "the most popular Canadian-owned heroes" I can't think of ANY other 'Canadian-owned heroes'.

• I feel like I may have even the Dog Welder beat. Captain Canuk. That's right Canada's very own Captain America, only lame. Because there's a very good chance you may not have heard of him, I'll supply you with the wikipedia link to him: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Canuck If you read this entry, I don't know what more I can say. I feel the crappyness of Captain Canuck should speak for himself. "Canuck patrols Canada in the (then) futuristic world of 1993, where "Canada had become the most powerful country in the world.""!!?? The fact that the thee for four times they tried to publish stories about him didn't go beyond four issues should say something too. Oh, and the beginning of the very first issue has Captain Canuck in a meeting with the Prime Minister of Canada, who tells Captain Canuck that there's serious budget cuts for the Canadian International Security Agency (the Captain's agency). I am a Canadian. My brother had an issue of one of the comics when I was a kid which I never felt compelled to read. I have to admit kind of having a serious soft spot for Captain Canuck. I really enjoy the idea of my country having it's own superhero, but I feel that no matter how powerful he's supposed to be, he will still be the snot nosed little brother to any of the American superheros. II root for him the way you root for the fat kid in a cross-country race. Puffing along with nothing but plucky, un-selfconscious earnistness, and no chance of coming out on top. You gotta love him for trying, but he's never gonna be the best. I doubt if even Grant Morrison could make Captain Canuck cool.

• For those who suggest Aqualad, the guy is known as Tempest now. Like the rest of the founding members of the Teen Titans, he grew up and adopted a more adult name (i.e. Nightwing, Flash, Arsenal/Red Arrow and, uh, Donna Troy). Give the poor guy a break, he was thirteen... Okay, okay, I think he was still calling himself "Aqualad" 'til he was twenty five.

• A member of Spidey's former rogue's gallery/semi-hero, The Prowler. Why, pray tell? 1. Hobie Brown's big plan is to steal stuff and then look like a hero when he returns it. Dipshit, this is the Marvel Universe: Stuff is getting stolen all the time nearly every night. Why not just stop real thieves? 2. So he names himself, The Prowler, which is a few inches away from being The Stalker or Peeping Tom, villains who both share the same main weakness of a well-written restraining order. 3. Then for his career as basically a cat burglar, Hobie clothes himself in a costume that's GREEN and PURPLE. No doubt he was thinking of a flashing neon symbol for his chest, but that seemed just a little too conspicuous. 4. That giant PURPLE cape was made even larger when drawn by Todd McFarlane, and hear perhaps is the Prowler's most egregious sin: He helped begin the giant furled, unfurling cape trend of the 90's, leading to crappy artists everywhere using it to hide their inability to draw hands, feet, etc., etc.. 5. Finally, when last seen, he was getting kicked out of the Stilt-Man's funeral. Yes, THAT Stilt-Man. As if going to the Stilt-Man's funeral wasn't humiliating enough. And he was escorted out by the Puma. It would be like going to an Anime Club Meeting of Tentacle Rape Enthusiasts and then having them tell you, "Ummm yeah...the door's over there and maybe you should seek some help. You've got issues..." Voila! The Prowler: Leper Even Amongst Tentacle Rape Enthusiasts.

• damn, someone stole longshot....i'd have put a vote in for him too, if i hadn't thought of jubilee. i can go one state over with a couple hundred dollars and do as much damage as she can. no super strength, no super agility, no nothing. "QUICK! JUBILEE do your sparkele.... ugh" Storm yells as Juggernaut smashes through the compound. "You got it storm" Jubilee replies. *paf*paf* Juggernaut believes he's is being celebrated. "You know what honey... Why don't you take the day off? LIGHTNING STORM!" Storm quickly takes control of the situation. I rest my case. Pennsylvania here I come. I'm gonna be a superhero!

• Illuminator, Marvel's early '90s collaboration with Christian publisher Nelson. http://www.comicbookdb.com/graphics/comic_graphics/1/188/94265_20070520144239_large.jpg First of all, that lazy costume. Nothing but a puffy jumpsuit and a motorcycle helmet (yet no motorcycle). It's as if "Cool As Ice"-era Vanilla Ice mated with a Glo Worm. And his powers are flying and "discharging a light-based energy," so he's basically Dazzler with Jesus-powers. Not only was Andy Prentiss, aka Illuminator, a lame superhero, he was also kind of a self-righteous prick who generally mucked shit up. Here are a couple of tool-y things he did over the course of his (very) short-lived series: -Used the powers he gained from a random glowing light in the woods to pose as an alien and scare the bejezzus out of his fellow campers at Camp Cades Cove. (This is after they berated him for his subpar softball skills and sent him on a hunt in the middle of the night for the snipe-like Wampus.) -Lectured arch-nemesis Professor Baldwin (a wheelchair-bound bioengineering professor at Nashville's Davidson University. Real Doctor Doom-level villainy going on here...)about playing God with his half human/half man hybrids, and then proceeded to play God himself by using his light powers to separate an alligator/man creature while the poor thing's girlfriend looked on horror. (He also kills a two-headed dog-man while trying to separate it with his Christ-light.) -Posed as the "Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come" in order to catch his dad's old war buddy mid-drug deal, only to later discover that his pop's pal is actually an undercover DEA agent whose cover he's just blown. The series(mostly written by Marvel editor Glenn Herdling and drawn by New Warriors fill-in artist Craig Brasfield)ran three issues, and cost a whopping $4.99 (in '93 no less) thanks to Nelson refusing to let Marvel run ads. $5 bucks for crappy superhero comics disguised as religious propaganda? I can't believe it didn't last. (Also apparently issue #1 contains a reference to the X-Men 'dying" in Texas, so he's technically in the Marvel Universe and will probably turn up in a Bendis comic any day now.)

• I'm going to go super obscure on this and nominate a hero whose crappiness stems not from lame powers but how he left his mark on the world through rank stupidity. I speak of Mark "Antaeus" Antaeus - one-time JLA member and stupid bitch. Mark's dad was a scientist, who did experiments on his infant son that left him with super-strength, peak-human agility and near-invulnerability. Mark grew up to become a fireman and C-List superhero in his hometown. He had a loving family, a beautiful fiance, a steady job and was beloved by all. Life was good... ... until Mark failed to save a family of four from a fire. The incident messed with Mark's head, leading him to conclude he needed to be "better". Two years and a crap-load of barely-legal experiments later, Mark had so much hardware grafted into and onto his body that he didn't require medical check-ups after a fight - he needed a tune-up! He even has a miniature nuclear reactor to power the extra systems his body can't manage alone. Mark starts doing the hero thing again and gets the attention of the JLA, who invite him into their ranks as a probationary member. He quickly becomes beloved by all, except Green Lantern, who is the only one that notices and is disturbed that... a) though they all have the right to decorate their personal quarters in the JLA base, all Mark has is an army cot and the article describing the family of four who died in the fire taped to the wall b) Mark's obsessive need for Superman's approval. c) Mark's eventualy abandonment of his fiancee and family to become a full time defender of the earth. Somehow BATMAN doesn't notice all this and he chews Green Lantern out for bringing it up at a team meeting because he doesn't see anything wrong with a man trying to better himself to fight crime. Which - you know - I could buy if Mark were just working out more and not sewing body armor under his skin. Anyway, Mark eventually suggests the JLA should kill a pseudo-Saddam Hussein figure on the grounds that the JLA should be more pro-active. Superman says no on the grounds that the JLA stays out of politics. He doesn't add "Also because, you know, we're superheroes. We don't kill people.", probably because there's no way Superman thinks Mark is stupid enough to go behind their backs and do it anyway the rest of the team says no. Guess what? Mark does it anyway and has to fight the rest of the JLA to a stand-still when they move in on pseudo-Saddam's palace as Mark is all but passing out McDonald's cheeseburgers to the kids and making balloon animals as he talks about how he has brought democracy to these oppressed people. Well, this story was written well before 2001 but it predicted the events of the Iraq War pretty handily. Without the tyrant keeping all the other forces in check, the region falls into chaos and all of the innocents Mark was trying to save die horribly. Rather than face his former comrades, who want to put him on trial for murder, Mark takes the coward's way out, rips out his cooling system and files upward until the nuclear reactor explodes. The story does not describe the effects of the fallout generated by Mark's radioactive body generated. We can only hope that he made it to the moon and that the explosion took out the JLA Watchtower, requiring Bruce Wayne to spend a few billion on a new one.

• I'm going to go super obscure on this and nominate a hero whose crappiness stems not from lame powers but how he left his mark on the world through rank stupidity. I speak of Mark "Antaeus" Antaeus - one-time JLA member and stupid bitch. Mark's dad was a scientist, who did experiments on his infant son that left him with super-strength, peak-human agility and near-invulnerability. Mark grew up to become a fireman and C-List superhero in his hometown. He had a loving family, a beautiful fiance, a steady job and was beloved by all. Life was good... ... until Mark failed to save a family of four from a fire. The incident messed with Mark's head, leading him to conclude he needed to be "better". Two years and a crap-load of barely-legal experiments later, Mark had so much hardware grafted into and onto his body that he didn't require medical check-ups after a fight - he needed a tune-up! He even has a miniature nuclear reactor to power the extra systems his body can't manage alone. Mark starts doing the hero thing again and gets the attention of the JLA, who invite him into their ranks as a probationary member. He quickly becomes beloved by all, except Green Lantern, who is the only one that notices and is disturbed that... a) though they all have the right to decorate their personal quarters in the JLA base, all Mark has is an army cot and the article describing the family of four who died in the fire taped to the wall b) Mark's obsessive need for Superman's approval. c) Mark's eventualy abandonment of his fiancee and family to become a full time defender of the earth. Somehow BATMAN doesn't notice all this and he chews Green Lantern out for bringing it up at a team meeting because he doesn't see anything wrong with a man trying to better himself to fight crime. Which - you know - I could buy if Mark were just working out more and not sewing body armor under his skin. Anyway, Mark eventually suggests the JLA should kill a pseudo-Saddam Hussein figure on the grounds that the JLA should be more pro-active. Superman says no on the grounds that the JLA stays out of politics. He doesn't add "Also because, you know, we're superheroes. We don't kill people.", probably because there's no way Superman thinks Mark is stupid enough to go behind their backs and do it anyway the rest of the team says no. Guess what? Mark does it anyway and has to fight the rest of the JLA to a stand-still when they move in on pseudo-Saddam's palace as Mark is all but passing out McDonald's cheeseburgers to the kids and making balloon animals as he talks about how he has brought democracy to these oppressed people. Well, this story was written well before 2001 but it predicted the events of the Iraq War pretty handily. Without the tyrant keeping all the other forces in check, the region falls into chaos and all of the innocents Mark was trying to save die horribly. Rather than face his former comrades, who want to put him on trial for murder, Mark takes the coward's way out, rips out his cooling system and files upward until the nuclear reactor explodes. The story does not describe the effects of the fallout generated by Mark's radioactive body generated. We can only hope that he made it to the moon and that the explosion took out the JLA Watchtower, requiring Bruce Wayne to spend a few billion on a new one.

• I have to go with Aqualad - What the hell man? Who in their right mind wants to be a sidekick to Aquaman? Just toss in the tights and retire. If you rely on Aquaman as your role model and mentor your superhero career is going to suck. Aquaman - Come Aqualad we have a mission! Aqualad - Oh Goody... is the local Red Lobster being held up again? Robin gets Batman, Kid Flash gets The Flash, Speedy gets Green Arrow. I got Spongebob Squarepants in green and orange tights.

• Neil Adam's famous(ish) "Skateman". Picture a returning 'Nam vet, fighting crime. On Roller Skates. Yup. That's it. Batman on eight wheels. No, really, weekly Roller Derby fights brought to the back alleys of whatever-the-fuck city Skateman... ah... skated in. Skateman. The name that strikes terror in... well... did I mention he fought crime on skates?

• or if not us agent how bout the entire notion of force works? because avengers west coast was such an awesome idea to begin with.

• Damn my slow reaction time! Aaron Alvarez beat me to NFL Superpro, though I don't think I could have explained his back story so in depth without first driving a screwdriver into my brain. Hmm. I know this is stretching it too far, but since she had her own line of comics, I'd go with "Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane." I mean, she got in crazy adventures, I'm pretty sure she got superpowers in about 30 issues, and she even had her own supervillian...Lana Lang. She's the crappiest superhero because she taught girls the values of deceiving men into marriage, the joys of being a homemaker, and the many ways one can screw up and get rescued by a big strong man.

• us agent anyone? Crap tain America?

• Just going to call it before anyone else does. heroes has online comics every week, so well that pretty much covers that. They made more plot holes there, but they did have a big demon thing in a few of them so that was cool.

• I don't know Warpath was a bad character but his little brother that took the name after he bit the big one is a B.A. Oh and Warpath I back as a zombie thing. and Dream Girl forgot about her, I was wondering who they ripped off in Heroes to get Angela Patrelli's powers.

• Hank Pym is a poor man's Atom, and the Atom even isn't a great superhero to begin with. He sucks at both code names and costumes, especially during the period he tried to go without either. The helmet he uses to control ants is useless unless he happens to be someplace where there's army ants to eat his foes. It makes no sense that he gets super-strength when he grows since strength is proportional to how compact your muscles are; ergo he should actually be a powerhouse as Ant-Man and weakling scum as Giant-Man. As a physicist, he should know his powers are specious. Somehow, he was made leader of the Avengers on their cartoon instead of one of the big three. Considering how painful that show was, that's some leadership experience he should keep off his resume. He made a gas out of self-proclaimed "Pym Particles" that can shrink or enlarge things depending on what the writer wants. You don't actually need Pym to use these plot devices, so there's no point to having this bland scientist on your team if you already have canisters of his product. Plus, Pym Particles can't make plot holes shrink to imperceptible size. It's his fault the Wasp can do everything he can do plus fly with her own insect wings, shoot bio-energy, and control insects without a dorky helmet. He's been obsolete since the Silver Age. Pym's greatest achievement was making Ultron, the crazy indestructible Oedipus robot that wants to kill all humans. Seriously. To get out of a court martial, he built a robot to attack the Avengers that only he could beat. Too bad the robot handed him his ass, and Wasp had to save the day. Then Egghead fooled him into stealing adamantium and getting busted by his teammates. It says very little of Pym that Egghead was Pym's arch-nemesis before Hawkeye killed him. It wasn't even Egghead as played by Vincent Price. The number one reason why Hank Pym is the worst superhero is because he hit his wife, the Wasp, once. Even though he's had no successive incidents of spousal abuse, Pym will always be remembered as the douchebag who beat up his wife for being much more awesome than he is. No matter what else he does, this is what fanboys of the future will remember him by. Mark Millar even amped up the abuse in The Ultimates. How terrible do you have to be as a superhero that the only time people took you seriously is the one time you lost your temper at your wife? That's how completely uninteresting he is as a character: his only memorable characterization comes from a single out of character moment. He tried to make it up Wasp by wearing taking up her mantle after her recent death. Because wearing your dead ex-wife's clothes is the classy way to exonerate yourself from the stigma of spousal abuse. As the patron fuck-up of genocidal robots and wife beating, Hank Pym should've been put out of readers' misery decades ago.

• Bat Mite, what a useless little prick!

• The early '90s were an interesting time for Marvel Comics, and they had what seemed like an endless supply of crappy characters to thrust upon an eager comic-reading public. Darkhawk and New Warriors were but two of the shit-burger titles they produced. However, the worst character ever to grace a comic book page was Sleepwalker. Film Student Rick Sheridan dreams about an other-dimensional Sleepy-time cop, steals his badge of office, and takes on the powers of --- Snzzzzzzzzzz. Seriously, the whole concept is a boring turd wrapped in the stained paper of the Marvel Bullpen executive restroom. Supposedly, when asked to describe this comic, Marvel's stock line was: "It's Sandman done right." Sandman, of course, is one of the greatest comic series ever produced; written by Hugo, World Fantasy, and Newbery Award-winning author, Neil Gaiman. Sleepwalker was written by Bob Budiansky, who wrote a bunch of Transformers comics (bleh), and drawn by Bret Blevins, who all but ruined New Mutants. The very combination induces a combination of lethargy and nausea.

• superman

• Nukon - not Atom Smasher, but his original alter ego. The one with the mohawk & rat tail. Yeah, and a brown costume. Just, just awful.

• Dog Welder: Just read his Wikipedia Page. Dogwelder: A thin, silent man in a welder's mask who spot welds dead canines to evildoers, resulting in extreme burns and general horror. The question of how exactly one can weld a flesh and blood animal to a person is not answered by the series. He welds dogs to people. I repeat, HE WELDS DOGS TO PEOPLE! And he is a hero.

• There are so many possibilities here, aren't there? There are definitely more terrible super heroes than good ones. I think many members of the Legion of Super Heroes could be counted...a lot of them have stupid powers and stupider names. Marvel has certainly produced countless asinine heroes. It's so hard to choose! I'll have to go with... Spiderman. I wouldn't have said this normally, but the whole 'Brand New Day' story arc pissed me off beyond all forgiveness. He sold his marriage to Mephisto in order to save his Aunt May's life, even though his marriage would've produced a daughter. He loses the love of his life and a potential child to save the life of an old woman who was unlikely to live much longer anyway. GENIUS. With one act, he completely destroys everything that ever made him interesting in the first place. I swear, this one made me hate Spiderman, hate the writers who puked this crap onto the paper, and hate Joe Quesada for being behind this stinking heap of filth. Way to completely ruin my favorite superhero, Marvel. And as for you, Peter Parker, I hope you choke on those fucking wheatcakes. They may have fixed everything by now, but I'm not going to even bother anymore. After a comic pretty much gives me the finger and tells me it hates me, I'm not coming back. And I was able to forgive 'Maximum Cloneage.'

• "Oh, save me Ant-Man! Save me with your magical ability to shrink and grow and look like a complete jackass! The loop on the helmet of your costume inspires me with hope!" And then Ant-Man saves the day, and the woman, then takes her home and slaps the shit out of her.

• I see two members of the Legion of Substitute Heroes (Color Kid and Kid Chlorophyll) have already been mentioned, and it's a good thing for the other candidates that the contest is only for individual heroes and not for teams, because otherwise, there would be no competition for the subs. I need to nominate one of the remainders, but which one? There so much lameness on display in that team that it's hard to pick one. Like Dream Girl, who had precognitive visions...while she was asleep. Imagine the sheer uselessness of a superhero whose powers only work when she's unconscious. It hard to believe she actually graduated to the main team. Then there's Night Girl, who is as strong as Superboy...but only in the dark. In the light, she's no stronger than an average woman. When your powers can be taken away by a flashlight beam, you have officially re-defined lame. But of course, my nominee, and the lamest member of the lamest team ever has to be Stone Boy. Stone Boy had the power to turn into a rock. That's not a typo. He turned into a friggin' rock! Of course, he couldn't actually DO anything as a rock...he was completely immobile! But in that dark portion of the human brain that leads people to lick flagpoles in the winter, risk death or spinal damage by riding mechanical bulls after boosting one's blood alcohol level to the left side of the decimal point, or sleep with Madonna, Stone Boy got the bright idea that turning into a rock was a good bullet point for a superhero resume.

• There's been so many throw-away X-Men characters over the years, I'd have to say it's a three-way tie between Warpath, Morph, and Cypher. Warpath sucks firstly because he's a racist caricature. He might as well be Apache Chief. I'd nominate Apache Chief as well, but at least Apache Chief gave us the I-Ne-Chuck (I have no idea how it's spelt). Plus anyone who can turn giant and still chooses to wear a loincloth, blowing ever-so-carelessly in the wind, has to have some balls. (You can see them clearly if you look up.) Secondly, Warpath has crap power. He has enhanced speed, stamina, and agility, but then so does Michael Phelps, and he's on the dope. When you're on a team with a guy with an unbreakable skelleton, claws that come out of his hands that can cut through anything, and the power to heal from virtually any wound, you're not going to stand out that much if you have the proportionaly strength of a roid abuser. For fuck's sake, he's on a team with a dude name Banshee, (which is definitely a chick's super hero/villain name), but at least Banshee can fly (all the better to catch Lucky and his Lucky Charms). Thirdly, he dies like a bitch after about three seconds on the team. His only function in life was to be on one of the tombstones outside the X-Mansion. Considering how often the X-Mansion has been blown up (about fifty, by my count), his rotting corpse has likely been vaporized completely, meaning he'll never rejoin his ancestors in the afterlife. I'll mention Morph, but Morph's cool. He's like if Spider-Man and the Chameleon could have a baby. Still, even with his awesome shape-shifting powers, which come complete with a healing power, he still dies in about fifteen seconds. Cypher, by far, has the most useless super-power ever. He can translate any language... which may help out if you're working at the U.N., but not when you're in the New Mutants. Why the hell was he in the New Mutants anyway? Was he hunted and feared by other humans because of his powers? Was he learning from Professor Xavier how to control his powers, lest they destroy him? Was he the go-to-guy when Nightcrawler wanted someone to go out to Starbucks for him, so he didn't have to use his image inducer? A Setinel wouldn't waste a finger-laser on him. Plus: he dies like a bitch. Here's his entire life story: He was born, he sucked, he died, he got Phallanxed (from behind). Seriously: you couldn't even find busy-work to keep this guy occupied while the real team went on mission. Professor X can read someone's mind acros SPACE, and there's like five other X-Men who can do the same, so why do they need a translator? Do you know how many aliens the X-Men run into? Has the language barrier ever been a problem? No, they all automatically speak English. Emma Frost can even telepathically "teach" the other X-Men another language. Plus, out of the three X-Men I've mentioned, Cypher was the only one not to make a comeback in the eXiles. The dude was better off going to a French Imersion school and getting straight As then going to Professor X's Schol for Gifted Youngsters (and Setinel Attacks).

• Not sure about crappiest, but I'm pretty sure that I'll never be able to take Captain Canuck seriously. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Canuck --LBD "Nytetrayn"

• If Robin the sidekick sucks, and Aquaman really sucks, then Aquaman's sidekick Aqualad must really, really suck.

• Just to back up RSA's comments. Aquaman sucks for many reasons. 1. Ugly Orange and Green costume. Ugh. Let's replace with swirly blue tie dye thingy. Worse. 2. Main power is to breathe underwater. Most Super villains seem to stick to dry land, so no thanks. 3. Secondary power is to communicate with sea-life. I've lived for 41 years and have yet found the need to talk to a fish. 4. Appears to be unable to keep his hand/hook/spear/magic water hand intact for any appreciable amount of time. 5. Easily parodied by Ernest Borgnine in Spongebob. 6. Received less screen time than Wendy and Marvin, or the Wonder Twins. 7. Was actually a rip off of Sub Mariner, who looks way cooler even though he wears just a Speedo.

• Aquaman- Sure 70% of the Earth is covered in water but who gives a shit, we aren't trying to live there and he is useless on land where everything happens. Just watch this video.

• JPyke Nightwing would like to have a work with you, and Jason Todd is now one of the coolest characters in DC. Not to mention Robin being one of the most recognizable superheroes in the world. Batman however there is the problem, Look at me I am really really rich, my parents are dead so I dress up in tights and hand around with kids that have no pants. I also on a regular basis get my mind wiped by friends, punch clowns and people with mental problems and can not figure out the more good he does the worse things gets, oh and he uses the identity of a celebretard (ala paris hilton) as his cover? Wow look at bruce wayne at the beach, covered in scars, hmmm wonder why he is running off now. Wow Batman might be the lamest hero ever. Especially after the RIP thing.

• Robin. He makes no sense when you put him next to Batman. Batman: I am the night. Robin: I am brightly colored! Batman: I will make my enemies fear what I fear. Robin: I'm named for a red-chested bird that sings beautiful tweedly-dee songs. Batman: I live in the shadows. Robin: I'm not wearing any pants!!! Batman: I have trained with the best martial arts masters the world has ever known, and am one of the worlds greatest detectives. Robin: I swing on a trapeze! Batman: I saw my parents brutally murdered when I was child. Robin: My parents fell off the trapeze. Batman: My insignia is my calling card. Criminals fear my symbol. Robin: I have an R on my chest.....for Robin! Batman: My cape and cowl protect my identity. Robin: I got a Lone Ranger mask! And a little half-cape that makes me look fancy! Batman: As Bruce Wayne I control a vast financial empire. I want for nothing. Robin: I'm a total mooch. Batman: My latest movie is one of the top grossing films of all time. Robin: I'm not allowed to be in the movies, because I'm kind of a silly character. Batman: In the comics I will never really die. I'm a bigger than Superman. Robin: The fans killed me off, because they hated me so much. Batman: I.....really don't need a sidekick. Robin: I'm rubbish on my own.

• Chlorophyll Kid http://www.comicvine.com/chlorophyll-kid/29-32220/166290-chlorophyll-kid/105-195772/ OK. This is a superhero unmatched by the amount of suck involved. His power is to.....Make plants grow really fast. Not control them just to make grow fast. He keeps seeds in his belt to you know use as weapons or something, because unless who you are fighting is in the middle of a monologue I don't think anything is going to stand still long enough to for a tree to grow on or under them. The only use I can possibly think of for the Legion is to be kept around as their pot dealer because they would never run out.

• Aw man, someone beat me to Sentry. :) Seriously, Sentry sucks an awesome amount of ass.

• The crappiest superhero has to be Razorback, circa 1977. He first appeared (mistakenly) fighting Spider-man with his giant hog-head headdress that was electrified. His only actual superpower was his mutant ability to drive any vehicle. He used this stupendous power in his day job as a trucker. It was the 70s, I guess everybody was crazy about CB radios. Eventually he appeared in Byrne's She-hulk where it was revealed that he was now a COSMIC trucker, interacting with the equally lame Ulysses Solomon Archer at a truck stop ... IN SPAAAAAAACE. "US" is from the other CB/trucker-inspired debacle, the series US One.

• What about that 3D superhero? I think his name was...3D Man?

• Ulysses Solomon Archer the truck driving Marvel superhero, U.S. to his friends. U.S. and his brother Jefferson Hercules Archer were orphaned after their truck driving father and mother died in a horrible accident. U.S. went to school and Jefferson continued the truck driving business. U.S. wanted to drop out of school and join the glamorous world of truck driving too and he soon got his chance. While out on a dark and stormy night U.S. was riding along with Jefferson when they are attacked by the evil trucker known as The Highwayman, who owns a jet black truck and somehow has an army of demons under his control. He runs Jefferson's truck off the road killing Jefferson and injuring U.S. At the hospital U.S. finds out he has an experimental alloy implanted in his skull to repair the damage. He takes up the keys to the trucking business and soon realizes that he can pick up CB radio transmissions in his head. Yes, with this amazing ability and a thick skull U.S. goes on a crusade to rid the trucking world of evil, which includes a chick with a whip called Midnight and an evil fat man named Baron von Blimp who challenges U.S. to a truck/blimp race. More of U.S.'s fantastic adventures can be found here: http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox25/

• I vote for Bouncing Boy. That is a problem I have always had with the Legion: they will give a membership to someone with a stupid, ridiculous, superpower.But they would not even consider Batman for membership. Why? Because he has no actual super powers, and a Legion member must have at least one.

• If it weren't limited to superHEROES, this would be a battle to the death between Calendar Man, who was a joke even to the other '60s Batman villains, and Stilt-Man, who at one point had a blind guy afraid to knock him out because, being on really tall stilts, he might have been killed by the fall. Sadly, they're both out, but DC, Marvel, and their bastard children have come up with a few heroes that make those two look positively dignified. Obviously the entire Legion of Substitute Heroes stands out right from the beginning, but they were meant to be ridiculous, and how cool would Color Kid's powers be for your getaway vehicle while trying to evade the police? Squirrel Girl of the Great Lakes Avengers also stands out, but she managed to rough up perennial fan-favorite, Deadpool, so she gets a stay, as well. No, the crappiest comic superhero, by far, was a one Robert Frank, A.K.A., the Whizzer. Even by Golden Age standards, when the Joker constantly talked about boners and Superman had the power of super-weaving, the Whizzer was a piss-poor superhero. Some brief points: -He gained the power of superspeed after being bitten by a cobra, and saved by a timely transfusion of mongoose blood -Mongoose blood does not counteract cobra venom, and in fact, such a transfusion would likely kill a healthy person -After giving himself a urine-centric moniker, he choose a predominately yellow costume. -His primary team up started when he was recruited by Bucky, Captain America's incarnation of Robin. This, pre-Winter Soldier, pre-any semblance of coolness -These two, and others, went on the form the "All Winners Squad," because apparently they wanted an even less awe-inspiring name than "the Whizzer." -In his later years, he became convinced that those incestuous lovebirds, Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch, were his children, and while they knew the truth, they thought he was so pathetic they didn't want to hurt him by telling him they were actually Magneto-spawn. The *sole* saving grace for the Robert Franks Whizzer is that it appears even the fanfiction writers won't touch him, which saves us all from what would, inevitably, be watersports-filled atrocities (Google shows results for FF's involving the other Whizzers, but none with Mr. Franks that I've found).

• my choice for worse heroe easy hate to say it but it would be Gnort for someone had be on something to come up with a dog with a green Latern power ring

• The picture of the androgynous and ridiculous 80's: Longshot. Mullet, 4 fingers, gay triple scar over his eye that everyone had in the 80s (Cable and Shatterstar), shiny eye (also like Cable and Shatterstar). He has hollow bones (since when is that a beneficial thing?), Psychic, and lucky. So, a superhero who has brittle bones, is "psychic" and wins all the time at canasta? Longshot is my Aunt Michelle.

• By far the worst is Underdog. Now I know what you're saying, but Gnomemaster it says "comic superhero" you're disqualified. Hax! Well according to Wikipedia "Charlton Comics produced a comic book that ran 10 issues in 1970-72. Gold Key Comics produced a comic book that ran 23 issues from 1975-79. Spotlight Comics did 3 issues in 1987, and Harvey Comics did a one-shot in 1993 and a 5-issue series in 1993-94." So suck it. Now, Underdog is a bad superhero because he's basically wearing pajamas, not to mention his powers come from a drug (Doggie Steroids) that he keeps in a ring. He also gets points for having a great theme song. But here is what I dream about. I know that Disney put out a Underdog Movie not long ago, but it smelled like something Underdog shat out on my front lawn (don't bother picking it up, it's about the weight of a a neutron star, one of his many powers he gained in the Silver Age) Here's my suggestion, we get Frank Miller (the genius!) to apply the magic to Underdog. Trailer: Shot: A city, all in black and white, with sirens blaring, and a deep and husky voice over: "The city is caught in a war with puppy pimps and drug dealers" Shot: Polly PureBred dressed in an S and M leather outfit is filing paper work, she is played by Megan Fox, we see her kidnapped by a Nazi who jumps through the window, cool glass flies everywhere "There is no need to fear." Shot: The nazi is running down the streets, steps in a puddle, sirens in the distance, and Polly is on his shoulder shouting for help. "Speed of Lightning" Shot: Lightning bolt! "Roar of Thunder" Shot: Thunder! "Underdog is here" Shot: Underdog grabs the Nazi limb from limb and rips him apart, blood everywhere and a spine bounces off a car, Polly hugs his blood soaked body and whispers "I'm in heat." There is Everything to Fear UNDERDOG! December 2010 The End.

• When I was a kid, My dad would by my these collections of 20 comics from Cost-co. they weren't really the best comics from Marvel, but everyonce and a while, you'd get a gem. One month, that gem was BRUTE FORCE. http://www.progressiveruin.com/images/bf1.jpg Just by looking at the cover, you can tell how awesome it was. Now I don't want people to think that awesome rates the quality of an item. This comic was horrible. I can can totally dig the idea of cybernetic animals. We3 was great. But not only did these guys have armor, they had vehicles. WHY? Not one giant, armors truck for them all, but personilized vehicles for each one. I mean, just build the armor with wheels. They're main goal was to protect the enviroment. So you know this was during the time of Captain Planet. I'm sorry. I can't even think about it right now. I should go.

• His name was Phil Grayfield and he was Marvel's NFL Super-Pro. Now who was this hero that went "from sacking quaterback to tackling crime?" (taken from the cover of issue 1) Well he was the star QB who messed up his knee and ended up as a mild mannered sports reporter who by chance had a scientist fan build him indestructible super armor. Now the only way to make any sense of this character is to point out a few things. 1) The way in which he received his armor was random at best. While reporting the news a fan named "superfan" tells him of a wonderful new experimental suit of armor he has just built that will revolutionize the world of football. Superfan hands over the armor for free mind you, and just walks away. 2) You would think Grayfield would in turn sell this armor to the NFl to make huge bank. Well no, he tracks down the superfan at his mansion to interview him about the armor. 3) What happens next may be the most convenient super hero origin in history. As he is about to conduct said interview, a band of thugs breaks into the mansion, not to steal but to just set the place on fire. As luck would have it a beam comes crashing down spilling the superfans mysterious chemical concoction all over Grayfield making him super indestructible. 4) For no apparent reason he decides to don the super football gear as the house is burning, leave the superfan alone to die in a blazing inferno. He then chases down the band of mullet adorn thugs, pummels them with his "football punch" (I wish I was making this shit up) and then swears to defend the world from evil as the NFL Super Pro. Now you ask why exactly is this lame? In a world where Spider-man, Captain America, and Thor exist a football superhero makes zero sense. What kind of crime is there to fight dressed as a NFL brand hero? Ex-Kicker turned Ninja, Ex Lineman turned Giant Roid monster, rigged games? (Well he actually did combat all of those) The Novelty of such a hero could only work in the mind of the bat shit crazy John Madden. Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe we all have dreams of letting generous old men die so that we can fight the good fight. Maybe, just maybe if we look hard enough. We all have a litte NFL Superpro inside of us.

• Fabulous Frog-Man You do know who i am talking about right? Come on... He wore a frog suit and well Wiki does a better job describing him "Powers and abilities Frog-Man's suit contains electrical coils on the soles of its flippers which allows him to leap great distances. The boots' power source is worn on his back like a back pack. In addition, internal padding of the suit enables Frog-man to bounce off objects with little danger." His power was he had springs on his feet... Not only was he a "successful" superhero( every one he ever caught was with dumb luck because he couldn't control his own frog suit) he some how managed to join 2 different super teams and be offered membership in a third. Somehow also he was so super powerful that the skrulls choose to impersonate him as part of their attempt to take over the word. I just can see skrulls having their meeting... we need to take over and replace the most powerful heroes of their world. Wait we cant forget Fabulous Frog-Man, without him we will never succeed. Also he was even considered for membership in the fantastic four, all for the fact that he had springs on his feet. On the last note... heres his aliases: Eugene Colorito, Fabulous Frog-Man formerly: "Frogicus Megafoolicus", "Frog-Man Junior", "Kermit", "Frogboy" (nickname). I mean thats just pathetic. http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/frogm2.htm for pictures of him in his "frog suit"

• Sentry. I win.

• OK, so anyone who looks at Power Girl knows that superheroines are pretty hot. They have the proportions of a Barbie, and can also lift cars over their heads. They are a fanboy's dream. So, if superheroines are a fanboy's dream, She-Thing is a fanboy's night terror. She-Thing is exactly what the name implies, a female version of The Thing. One might think that they made the female version of the Hulk hot, why not The Thing? No. This girl is literally The Thing with boobs. Originally, a woman named Sharon Ventura, once a professional wrestler, but when she tried to leave the evil wrestling world, it was Ben Grimm who helped her escape. She joined the FF, but while battling a villain in space, she and Ben were bombarded with those annoying cosmic rays. After a short love affair (insert: shudder), She-Thing left the Fantastic Four, which everyone can agree is a good thing because no one wants to see Thing on Thing action; though she still makes a cameo in the Marvel Universe every now and then, something tells me we won't be seeing her in "Fantastic Four 3" anytime soon. http://www.coolstuffinc.com/images/Products/VS%20System%20Art/Marvel%20Origins/She-Thing,%20Sharon%20Ventura.jpg

• I am going to post the worst superhoer of all time is.... Superman. I know he is classic, I know he is popular but look at it this way, he has every power there is yet he never really does anything useful. You go back in the day and he could move planets but spent most of his time dicking around with Jimmy Olsen or killing/getting tricked in to marrage by Lois Lane. And now he cries every other issue. Look if you could hear a crime and the stop it within a second why is there any crime at all? Because you are trying to get in to Lois pantsuit. What is your weakness? A rock? Come on, get some of your superfriends to get rid of it all, put it in a box and put it in the sun. Oh and when your mortal enemy is a blad guy who puts on a power suit (both kinds) to cause you trouble and you have never been able to put him down you know you are lame. This sums it all up http://www.zaldiva.com/images/BOOKS/SUPERMAN/i%20hate%20superman.jpg

• Dazzler. A really smart singer with the power to put on an eloborate lightshow. Sign me up.

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