Topless Robot's Last-Minute Geeky Gift Guide

Wednesday, December 18, 2013 at 6:00 am


Game of Thrones Guide to Westeros 4D Cityscape Puzzle


Unraveling the families and allegiances and geographical proximities of all of the characters in Game of Thrones can be daunting at times, but part of the fun of the HBO series is keeping track of it all. Well, now you can help your fellow "Thronies" piece together the action with one of the most awesome jigsaw puzzles ever created! We're not actually sure they still use jigsaws in puzzle-making, but this is also not your granddad's puzzle - it's 4D, baby! After you've pieced together the geography of the continent of Westeros (1000+ pieces), a second layer maps out the political landscape of the series (200+ pieces), followed by a third layer that raises the famous structures of Westeros above the surface of the map (50+ locations). You may be saying "Wait, isn't that only three dimensions?" Well, the fourth dimension is time, and the lucky recipient of this puzzle will have the time of their life assembling the 30" x 18" map! See what we did there?


Watchmen Rorschach Toaster


Ever since the Battlestar Galactica toaster of 2009, pop-culture toasters have only become more common, from the Darth Vader toaster to the Spider-Man toaster to the upcoming Nightmare on Elm Street toaster. But there is no toaster so sacrilegious as the Watchmen toaster. Were he not busy praying to his many gods or engaging in ritual sex acts, author Alan Moore would no doubt shake his head at the gall, the audacity, the unabashed brilliance of a toaster that burns Rorschach's inkblot mask into every piece of bread. After all, who wouldn't want to munch a piece of toast as they unravel a massive conspiracy that threatens to shake the foundations of society? This sleek black toaster makes a great gift for the Watchmen lover, toast lover, or clinical psychologist in your life.


Vintage-Style Darth Vader Coffee Cuff


Darth Vader is a living testament to the importance of safety equipment. After all, it was a lack of goggles, plus some other stuff, that caused him to leave 50% of himself behind on Mustafar. So when handling hot beverages, always use a heat-blocking cuff to protect your hands from scalding lava-like temperatures within. Sure, you could use the cardboard cuffs that most cafes will supply you, but why not help the environment and drink that latte in style with a cuff made out of vintage Return of the Jedi bedsheets? Darth Vader and his Imperial Guard lackeys will show that barista/McDonald's employee you mean business, and that you find nothing at all amusing about the extremely high temperature of their drinks.


Thor's Hammer Bottle Opener


"Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be thirsty, will be granted the power of Thor!" If you know anyone who likes Thor and/or drinking, boy howdy, we've got the gift idea for you. This inexpensive, solid metal bottle opener of Mjolnir has the Uru hammer's power-granting inscription on the front (the real one, not our made-up one) and a bottle-opening indentation on the back. Wrap it together with a six-pack of your local holiday brew and watch the eyes of the booze-craving comic fan who receives it light the eff up. The light will eventually fade, and bring with it a ponderous sleep, but for one glorious Christmas eve, that nerd will be like unto a god in Valhalla, drinking toasts to his fellow warriors and opening bottlecaps with a tiny mallet. Just don't tell him they're twist-offs.


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