Marlon Wayans Joins ‘G.I. Joe’ Movie, Cobra Victorious

wayans_marlon.jpg Marlon Wayans, star of cinematic masterpieces such as Little Man and White Chicks, has officially joined the cast of the upcoming G.I. Joe movie (according to Variety), thanks to an insidious but needlessly convoluted plot by the evil terrorist organization Cobra. Wayans will play Ripcord, who as 3 and 3/4-inch toy, was a white parachutist (which seems racist, although it isn’t…I guess it just sounds like white supremacist). In a statement released earlier today, Cobra commander Cobra Commander said, “C’mon! He’sss a Wayansss! There’s no way this Joe movie doesn’t sssuck eggsss!”

Anyways, Wayans joins fellow Joes Ray Park (Darth Maul) as the silent Snake Eyes, Rachel Nichols (Alias) as Scarlett, Said Taghmaoui (The Kite Runner) as Breaker and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Lost‘s Mr. Eko) as Heavy Duty. So far, the only Cobra agent known is Sienna Miller as the Baroness, which is fine because the Baroness is the character the boys of the ’80s remember most, as she made us all want to be sexually dominated by black-haired, leather-clad women with thick Slavic accents. ? Rob