By Rob Bricken
With three?soon to be four?action-packed movies, it can be hard to remember that Indiana Jones’ job wasn’t actually gallivanting across the world, searching for magical artifacts from the past, while endangering himself and others. No, he was a teacher. In fact, he’s a professor at a small college which means boring lectures, lazy students, and worst of all, the mountain of paperwork that he has to do (and assign) to keep the wheels of academia turning. Topless Robot recently contacted the college’s Department of Archaeology and obtained one of Indiana Jones’ old course syllabi for your nerdy pleasure. Enjoy.
COURSE SYLLABUS, SPRING 1937
ARC 301: Introduction to Advanced Archaeology, Adventure Focus
INSTRUCTOR: DR. HENRY W. JONES, Ph.D.
CLASSROOM LOCATION: Barnett College Classroom Building, Room 1138
CLASS HOURS: 9:00 – 11:00 Mon, Wed and Fri
PREREQUISITES: ARC 101, ARC 102, ARC 201, ARC 202, three fistfights in a Moroccan bar
A. COURSE DESCRIPTION
This class follows advanced archaeology techniques, methods, and goals of archaeological research. We will study excavation and dating of archaeological materials, and discuss general problems encountered in explaining archaeological phenomena. As part of the ?Adventure Focus,? we will learn of the benefits and problems encountered when traveling around the world looking for mystic artifacts, discovering lost civilizations and running afoul of various villains and savages.
B. COURSE OBJECTIVES:
1. Learn and discuss modern archaeological techniques
2. Interpret artifacts as they relate to time, location, culture and site
3. Exhibit critical thinking when determining which fantastic artifact or civilization to hunt for
4. Evaluate when a whip can be used beneficially (it?s more often than you think!)
5. Discover the benefits of state-based nicknames
6. Learn the ability to visually estimate an artifact?s weight in sand
C. COURSE TOPICS/UNITS AND DATES
1. Definitions, Concepts and Historical Perspectives in Archaeology
2. The Archaeologist?s Toolbox
3. Discovery and Mapping of Buried Archaeological Features
4. Solving Ancient Riddles and Tests
5. What to Do When You Think the Artifact You?ve Discovered Could Melt Your Face Off
6. How to Avoid Hooking Up with the Same Woman Your Dad Did During Field Work
7. Who Makes the Better Sidekick: Women or Asian children
D. TEXTBOOKS AND REQUIRED SUPPLIES
1. THE BUSINESS OF EXPLORING by Roy Chapman Andrews
2. MODERN ARCHAEOLOGY by Prof. Abner Ravenwood
3. ACROSS SOUTH AMERICA by Hiram Bingham III
4. TREASURES OF THE ANCIENT WORLD by Dr. Henry Jones, Sr. (begrudgingly recommended)
Supplies and/or tools:
1. Whip, minimum 6′ long
3. Hatwear (recommended)
E. GRADING PLAN
1. This class will use a letter-grade scoring system. Each student?s grade will be calculated by the following scale:
A. Homework (40%)
B. Quizzes (20%)
C. Participation (10%)
D. Mayan Temple Field Trip (20%)
E. Final Exam (10%)
2. Quizzes will be held every Friday. See below regarding the Mayan Temple Field Trip. Participation will be judged by a combination of attendance, questions asked during class, display of ?adventurous spirit,? and by dispatching antagonists in unique ways followed by a quip. The Final Exam may involve eating chilled monkey brains; please see me if you have an allergy.
3. Cheaters will most assuredly be whipped.
4. All students who die as a result of this class and/or the field trip will receive an automatic ?B.?
F. MAYAN FIELD TRIP
The Mayan Field Trip will take place over spring break, from March 15-22. Attendance is mandatory; anyone who fails to attend the field trip will automatically receive a failing grade. This trip will consist of a week-long journey to a temple in the deepest reaches of Central America, supposedly the site of fabled fountain of youth, but still inhabited by a small, savage tribe who eats the hearts of all intruders. Students under the age of 18 will need their parents? to see a permission slip.
G. CLASSROOM RULES OF CONDUCT
Don?t be a Nazi.
H. EMERGENCY PROCEDURES
In case of an attack by Nazis, Thuggee cultists, savages or other miscreants, it is important to exit the lecture hall as quickly as possible. Most exits can be reached by using your whip to swing, via a light fixture, across the room. Bonus points will be given for all Nazis/cultists shot.