Marvel Sure Is Monkeyin’ Around! Ha Ha! Ha! Oh, Just Kill Me.

Ever since EW.com revealed its sneak peak of Marvel Apes this morning, I’ve been dreading doing this post. The idea of Marvel creating a little monkey-verse is so disheartening lame that I just want to pretend it isn’t happening, which made me not want to see the gallery of art from Marvel Apes cover #2 and a variety of monkey variant covers from the regular comics all due this September. Sure, the monkey Punisher wielding guns in both hands and feet is all right, since monkey who kill indiscriminately are always cool, but the rest are just kind of depressing, including being forced to wonder who would make a giant Spider-man costume for a giant ape (as per the above pic), because that dude has some issues.

I’m not trying to be a whiny bitch about this (I know I am a whiny bitch, but I’m not trying to go out of my way here), but the fact that DC did their monkey-verse in the ’90s just makes this Marvel thing pitiful. If DC suddenly did DC Zombies, I’d be just as sad. Well, maybe a little less, because zombies > monkeys. But I sure wouldn’t be slapping them on the back for it.