Roll Saving Throw Against Stank
After a long, hard day of slogging through dungeons and battles dragons, even the prissiest wizard perspires. So that’s why Topless Robot recommends Two Strands Soap?not only do these hand-made soaps clean you up and make you smell great, but there’s a real d20 in the middle to allow you make saving throws in case a bugbear or something attacks during your bath. It’s like an instant Charisma bonus when wooing that busty barmaid! Check out your choices of cleaning implements:
Breath of Life has a rich, mystical fragrance that’s warm and spicy. It lathers up great and will rinse away the stench of the grave!
Orc OFF! smells spicy with a touch of sweetness. It lathers up great and will wash away the horrid stench from belly crawling through dungeons.
Lair of Dreams has the spicy sensual fragrance of almonds. It lathers up great and will ward off any evil Old Ones from beyond the stars!
Elven Fruits has a heady, citrus fragrance that is lemony, yet warm. It lathers up great and will rinse away the noxious smell of dwarves.
Lavendryad is devoted solely to the sweet, herbal scent of lavender. It lathers up great and will surely draw those sensuous beings out of the trees!
Okay, I can’t really decide if these are awesome or ridiculous or both (probably both), but if you want you can buy them each here. Still, at $9 a bar, they better orbit around my head and give me Dexterity +1. (Via Wired)
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.