Tolkien Wants You to Mutilate Yourself


Uhh…you’re looking at a picture of a young girl who decided she wanted pointy elf ears. Rather than buy some plastic ear doohickeys available at any Halloween store, she decided to cut her ears up, stitch them back together in a point, and use the above (very different) plastic doohickey to force her ear to grow back into an elven shape.

Now, I’m very much for letting nerds be nerds. In fact, if you want to wear your Star Trek costume or your Naruto headband out in public, I say go for it?but do not kid yourself you aren’t a huge fucking nerd, and won’t be laughed at constantly. I’m going to place self-made elf ears well above the Naruto headband for turning yourself into a nerd-based social pariah. The headband can be quickly taken off before you get in a situation where the football team is going to beat you up. Elf ears…that’s like having the Batman logo tattooed on your forehead. You can’t hide that shit. And worse, when you’re grown-up and need to get an accounting job, unless the middle manager interviewing you is also a 5-level cleric on the side, you’re fucked. (Via Holy Taco)

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.