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People Need to Speak More Clearly to Michael Caine


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These ridiculous movie casting rumors just make me tired. We all know they’re not true, but they’re still newsworthy, whether its Will Smith as Cap or Cher as Catwoman (incidentally, the Cher rumor is far, far stupider than the will Smith/Cap rumor, FYI). So the new one, which I’ve been putting off posting because it’s really just hurting my soul at this point, is Michael Caine’s “confirmation” of Johnny Depp as the Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin in the next Batman film.

Here’s what Caine said to MTV:

?They?ve already got them in mind,? said Caine, when asked who he?d like to see take up arms against the Caped Crusader. ?It?s Johnny Depp as The Riddler. And The Penguin is Philip Seymour Hoffman. I read it in the paper.?

This is not a confirmation, because British papers have no compunction about printing utter lies (i.e., the Cher/Catwoman rumor, although to their credit, British newspapers can show topless women). There is no doubt in my mind that Caine has been reading the same false articles we all have, where the Depp n’ Hoffman rumors got started. In summary: NO CONFIRMATION.

But we’re not quite done, since Caine also said this:

?I was with [a Warner Bros.]executive and I said, ?Are we going to make another one?? They said yeah. I said, ?How the hell are we going to top Heath? And he says ?I?ll tell you how you top Heath ? Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.? I said, ?S?t, they?ve done it again!??

So a nameless movie exec says they’re going to to get Depp and Hoffman? NOT A FUCKING CONFIRMATION. The two have not been cast. I have no doubt this nameless exec wants Depp and Hoffman. He might be planning on it. He’s certainly hoping for it. He’s even likely praying to Pan, the horned goat god, the deity of most Hollywood inhabitants to make it happen. In fact, Warner Bros. may be talking to them both in hopes of signing ’em. But until the two have signed a contract, THERE’S NO CONFIRMATION.

And you know what? Neither Johnny Depp nor Philip Seymour Hoffman will be offered a contract until director Chris Nolan signs a contract, WHICH STILL HASN’T FUCKING HAPPENED. So there. People need to stop saying things like this around Michael Caine, because he’s getting old and obviously a bit gullible. It’s not cool.