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Tekken 6 Has Broken the Goofy Meter



I know there are many, many Tekken fans out there, so to them I say: Here you go, the debut trailer for the sixth incarnation of the martial arts game. Everyone else: I’ve always hated Tekken, as the shitty, but inexplicably more popular brother to Bandai Namco’s Soul Calibur series. In Tekken, there’s a button for each limb, and as long as you hit them all as fast as you can, you’ve got a decent chance of winning. Most irritatingly, it’s actually a 2D game, with a dodge move that simply shifts the fighting frame in the otherwise 3D stage. Fuck Tekken.

And now that the characters in Tekken have fucking gatling guns?in a weapon-less fighter?and magic wands, I’m truly ready to chuck the whole franchise in the toilet (althoug I admit the stages look stellar). Now I know Soul Calibur isn’t exactly nonsense free, but the most ludicrous thing about Soul Calibur is the female characters’ preposterously large breasts, which strangely, I seem far more forgiving of. Oh, and Darth Vader. And new stage which looks to be a medieval Chuck E Cheese with banjo-playing bears.

You know what? I take back what I said about Tekken‘s goofiness. But it’s still a shit game. Bleh!