Fan Fiction Friday: Tony Stark and Kirk Lazarus in “Method to Madness”


“Wait,” Lazarus said. “Wait.”

So Tony waited, but he couldn’t always be a patient man, and he wasn’t exactly in the mood to stick around doing nothing while Lazarus tried to figure out his fucked up psyche. Whatever it said about him, he was horny as hell, and he ground down into Lazarus’s thigh, driving that point home.


“Fuck myself?” Tony supplied, twisting out of Lazarus’s grip and putting one hand on his chest, next to the imitation reactor, and another on his shoulder. “In a heartbeat.”

That’s not really how this short story from Gixi begins, but it certainly gets to the point. Yes, that Tropic Thunder‘s Kirk Lazarus (played by Robert Downey Jr.), being seduced by Tony Stark (played by Robert Downey Jr.). It all starts when Lazarus is hired to play Tony stark in the Iron Man movie (meta!), and comes to Tony’s house to study him. Now, Gixi has certainly put these two on a slow burn; there’s a good 2000 words before the two hook up, including this little gem, after Lazarus watches Stark bed a conquest through Jarvis’ home security system:

He found him with the scene on a screen in the basement, and Lazarus wasn’t ashamed ? of course he wasn’t ? as he pointed to a part of it.

“This, here? what did you do with your hand?”

Tony looked at the screen, and he could barely remembered, but? “Her ass. I was fingering her ass.”

Something almost like fascination flew through Lazarus’s eyes as he set the footage back to play, and Tony knew he was thinking, So this is what it’s like to be screwed by Tony Stark.

Let’s hit the jump, shall we?

Actually, the graphic sex between consensual Downeys is pretty tame, by the fluid-filled standards of Fan Fiction Friday. At least they don’t pee on each other, which I’m sad to say I’m now pleasantly surprised by. Anyways, here are the gems?all you need to know is that Stark made a faux-arc-reactor for Lazaus to wear:

Tony didn’t even bother asking if Lazarus swung that way, because he knew it didn’t matter, not for a fucking second. No whispers had ever really been made about his sexuality, but two weeks with the man had convinced Tony that he had not gone into Satan’s Alley without preparing for it thoroughly, to an extent no one else Tony knew would ever go. It didn’t matter any more what Kirk Lazarus might do; Tony Stark was all that mattered there.

Lazarus fucked him with his fingers, setting a hard and rough pace almost immediately, and Tony knew he was right about the Satan’s Alley thing, because he knew exactly how to find his prostate and make it fantastic.

It was, though Tony would have thought of “good” as a terrible understatement. He let loose a string of curses, occasionally mixing in a hissed “yes” or grunted “God!” to shake things up, encouraging Lazarus to do the same, and hearing Lazarus ? no, hearing himself get off was the most erotic thing he could dream of then, made it so good that after his hands were let go he wasn’t sure who it was that jerked him off to his end, just that he saw nothing but the shining blue of the arc reactor when he closed his eyes and came. Lazarus gripped his hips, pulling him back into every thrust, and Tony went with him, pushing against him as best as he could, squeezing every muscle he could find the will to command at that point, until his other self came inside him.

This is followed by an absolutely fabulous montage of fucking; Gigi really makes the gay porn movie come alive in your head. None of this is edited, by the way:

The fourteenth day, for the most part, was sort of hazy after they woke up, dressed, and successfully evaded Pepper, taking care not to look like they’d been fucking. Tony smirked at his mirror image when she turned away, unsuspecting, and as soon as he could get her caught up on a call to some overseas corporation he intended to turn down anyway, they stole away to every semi-private corner of the house.

In the living room, Tony blew Lazarus off, then got to find out exactly what it felt like to be on the receiving end of a Stark blowjob. He didn’t usually swallow, but he did just that once, hoping Lazarus would, too. He didn’t, spitting into his hand and smirking at Tony as he wiped it on his pants, letting him know he’d been caught.

In the guest bedroom Lazarus had stayed in, Tony tied Lazarus down with a belt around each wrist, riding him until he was thrashing helplessly and begging to come.

In the basement, Tony slid on parts of the armor and Lazarus blew him, or tried to until he was bent over a worktable and fucked, lost to the mercy of Iron Man.

They eventually wound up, towards midnight, back in Tony’s room, and Lazarus found an almost-forgotten dildo which would not be forgotten again…

Okay, that last part I tapered off, but it doesn’t get any better than “Almost Forgotten Dildo” (which would be a great name for a band, by the way). After the fuckfest, Lazarus leaves, does the movie, and we fast-forward to the movie’s premiere.

Tony was invited, but he didn’t make it to the movie premier. He liked hearing about the movie, but the thought of seeing himself on screen made him feel sort of sick and a little sad.

Exactly how FFF makes me feel. Uncanny! Read the whole story here, if you wish.