Fan Fiction Friday: The King and Queen of All Cosmos in “Love & Sex & Katamari”

You missed me, didn’t you baby? That’s all right. Fan Fiction Friday is back, and it’s insane smuttiness won’t leave you…well, until my Christmas vacation. I didn’t get to do as much emotional healing last week as I’d hoped, so we’re going to have to ease back into things with a story whose insanity is mainly its subject matter–the King and Queen from Katamari Damacy. You can see them above–why anyone would willingly spend their time imagining their erotic exploits is beyond me, but author Negaduck9 obviously didn’t have a problem with it.

The Queen looked around critically. She walked to the mountains and
ran a white-gloved finger over the nearest slope. It was reasonably
clean. And the sand was soft, almost powdery, under her feet. Yes, this
would do. She reached behind herself.

The King watched as she
unfastened her skirt and slid it down over her legs, then stepped out.
She was wearing nothing but her shoes underneath it. She had indeed
come prepared! She turned the skirt inside out so the outside would
remain clean and carefully laid it on the mountain ridge. As she pulled
at the fingers of her gloves she glanced at him. She had blushed an
adorable seashell pink. He was grinning back, and there was also a
flush to his slate gray cheeks. He started to undo his sash; she shook
her head at him. He looked puzzled. She stepped over to him and,
smiling, placed a hand on his chest. “Sit down, dear. Relax.”

…

She
pulled her gloves off by the fingers, then laid them on her skirt. She
had already set her shoes at the base of the mountain. Then she lifted
her pink sweater off by the lower hem, revealing a white corset. Bare
now except for that and her crown, she walked over to the King, knelt
in the sand by his side, and kissed him. She began it as a gentle,
wifely kiss; he deepened it into a more ardent kiss. It sent a shiver
through her body.

I’m so confused, and what happens after the jump doesn’t help.

When the kiss broke she reached down to undo his sash. Her hands
brushed – not accidentally – against the mounting evidence of his
interest, but pretended not to be aware of it. He knew this game. She
was in the mood to tease him. But she was not a cruel woman, or at
least not very.

So…this is a very proper, loving sex scene between two, consensual, married videogame characters? The hell?

She closed her eyes and drew in her breath when she felt his tongue
touch her. It flicked lightly against her clitoris, then stroked back
and forth. When he began to nibble she was glad for the support of his
arms, as she was becoming unsteady.

He closed his eyes, his
attention only on the touch and taste of his wife and the sounds she
made. She was clean and sweet. He could tell she had washed just before
coming back; she had been anticipating this! He was pleased to give her
what she asked for. He liked to think of this part of her as her peach
– soft and pretty outside, juicy and sweet inside. From the sounds she
was making now – cute little gasps, with a cut-off indrawn breath – and
her movements, he could tell she had become quite excited. He paused
and concentrated.

Her eyes opened wide as a prismatic glow enveloped her from below.

Well, I suppose it’s something that the King of All Cosmos just shot a Royal Rainbow beam into his wife’s vagina during oral sex. But it still, I find the lack of disturbing material…kind of disturbing.

After only a few moments she moved forward again and, after reaching
down to place the head between her inner lips, sank down onto his lap.
As both of them were well-lubricated, he slid easily into her. She
placed her hands on his chest and raised herself to her knees, until he
had slipped out, then, holding him in place, lowered herself again. She
liked the sensation of intromission so much, why stop with just once?

He
was now watching her. She had blushed beautifully, and wore an
expression of intense concentration, almost of pain. She rested both
hands on his chest and started moving her hips up, down, and around,
thrusting herself onto him. Her breasts, jiggling with the force of her
motion, drew his attention, as did the sight of their connection. He
ran his hands up and down her body, touching her shoulders and sides,
cupping her breasts, stroking her where she was joined to him. Soon his
hands grasped her hips firmly, and, gritting his teeth, he began
thrusting insistently up into her.

Several small mobs
of kangaroos fled, terrified by the sudden trembling of the ground
under their feet. They scattered, trying to flee the earthquake without
any idea of where to find safety.

All right, I have to admit I love the kangaroos fleeing the cosmic fucking. But it really does end there with so post-coital cuddling. Eerie. There is a tiny epilogue…

The cartoon cut off abruptly and was replaced by the image of a newsman
at a desk, who said, “This just in: There has been unusual, unexplained
seismic activity in the Southern Hemisphere, centering in Australia.
Airplane traffic to that area has been suspended, and ships are warned
to stay away because of possibly related turbulence in the Indian
Ocean. The cause is being investigated by scientists who are analyzing
satellite imagery to determine the source of these events. Stay tuned
for further updates.”

Don’t stay tuned. It’s over. You can read the whole thing here, tho’.