Movies, Toys

Maybe the New Kirk Figure Got Caught in a Horrible Transporter Accident

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ToyNewsI–which you might have guessed from the enormous watermark–says this is the James T. Kirk figure from Playmates’ upcoming Star Trek movie line. While I’d love to believe it’s some kind of custom figure, I truly believe this is what Playmates would and could be putting out on toy store shelves later this summer. And it makes me sad.

And confused– I have so many questions! Why is Kirk wearing a thick sweater-version of his Starfleet uniform? Why is his head so small, even if he’s wearing a bulky sweater? And who’s head is that anyways, because it sure as hell isn’t Chris Pine’s. (He’s dreamy!)

Man. I didn’t have much of a vested interest in Trek toys, but I had assumed they would be some kind of improvement over the toys Playmates churned out more than a decade ago. I guess we all know what happens when you assume–the asses at Playmates make terrible fucking toys.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.