Today’s story comes to us from author HiccupingRhino, as found by TR reader Shy Spades. Shy Spades thought she’d be kind enough to help me out by finding a few FFF submission for me. Now, Shy Spades is a gibbering lunatic, locked away for the remainder of her life. This story was the final straw. I mean, it’s the Care Bears. You know it’s going to be mind-shatteringly awful. So let’s just get into it.
Grumpy Bear put his paws over his ears and tried to drown out the celebratory music coming from a few clouds over. Birthday Bear had thrown yet another party. Like they needed MORE parties. Care-a-lot was over run with happy singing and dancing already. He grumbled to himself and contemplated taking the pointy end of a star to his throat.
“Hey Grumpy! Whatcha doin’ over here all alone? Birthday Bear’s about to cut the cake!”
Cheer Bear skipped over to the cloud Grumpy was sitting on and plopped down next to him.
Grumpy rolled his eyes and turned away. “Leave me alone.”
“Aww, come on Grumpy Pants! Cheer up! You wanna play a game?”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you really really really sure?”
“Fuck off Cheer!”
The beginnings of a pout started on Cheer Bear’s face, but naturally she overcame it quickly.
“I know! Let’s play ‘I Spy’. You can go first!” She grinned and looked at him expectantly.
Grumpy Bear shook his head in annoyance. Sometimes he just wanted to smack her. His frown turned to a sly smirk as an idea struck him.
“Ok, I spy something red.”
Cheer Bear practically jumped with joy and started looking around excitedly.
“Oh! Ummm… part of my rainbow?” She asked while pointing to her tummy.
“No. Guess again.”
“Uhhh… one of the birthday balloons?”
Cheer Bear grinned. “Wow, you’re good Grumpy!”
“You have no idea”, he said under his breath. “Look under the cloud.”
“Ok!” Cheer crawled over to the edge of the cloud and looked down. “I don’t see anything red.”
Grumpy slowly inched up behind her. “Look farther.”
Cheer bent lower. “I still don’t see anyth—OW!!!”
Grumpy had slapped her furry pink rear as hard as he could.
“Grumpy!! What was that for?” Cheer yelled as she stood back up.
“Your ass, that’s what I spied.”
That isn’t the lesson. The lesson is after the jump, and involves Care Bear bodily fluids. Please, for the love of all you hold dear, do not continue reading.
Cheer looked over her shoulder and noticed a perfectly shaped red paw print spreading over the stinging area Grumpy had just smacked.
“Grumpy! That wasn’t funny!”
Grumpy raised an eyebrow. “Maybe not for you.”
“I’m going back to the party.” Cheer huffed as she started to walk away.
Grumpy grabbed her and pulled her back. “We’re not finished playing yet.”
“Let go, Grumpy!”
Grumpy Bear shoved her face down onto the cloud and held her there. “I don’t think you’re quite red enough yet.” With that he slapped her again. Hard.
“Ow! Grumpy stop!!”
Grumpy Bear just smiled and slapped her again.
“You are always so happy.”
“It makes me sick.”
“I think you’re so cheery all the time because you’re ignorant.”
“You don’t realize how much fun pain and misery is.”
“I’m here to enlighten you.”
By now Cheer Bear was softly weeping. Little blue tears were leaving trails down her fuzzy cheeks. Her ass was stinging horribly, and was bright red beneath the pink fur.
Please keep your Chris Brown Bear and Rihanna Bear jokes to yourself, thanks.
Grumpy Bear finally stopped and began to softly stroke the red area.
“Sometimes, being unhappy, can make you happier.”
That Grumpy is one deep bear. A sadistic, twisted bear, but thoughtful.
Cheer tried to stay quiet, but as Grumpy’s paws glided over her abused backside, she couldn’t help but let out a tiny whimper of pleasure. His soft paws sweeping over the stinging area made her all funny inside. Like warm water was pooling in her tummy.
Of course she did.
“See?” Asked Grumpy Bear. “I knew you would like it.”
The abrupt change from soft paws to a stinging slap made Cheer gasp. In a good way.
Grumpy grinned wider and moved around so that he was straddling her legs, her ass right in front of him. He slowly began stroking her with both paws. Cheer was making tiny little moans of pleasure with every touch.
Cheer could feel his paws moving agonizingly closer to her wet core. She had never thought much about it before. But right now it was on fire. She knew she wanted something, but she didn’t know what.
This is your final warning. There is no turning back after the next sentence.
“It’s time to wrap up your lesson,” said Grumpy as he swiftly shoved his entire paw into her fuzzy pussy.
So. I think this sentence could actually make the case for the abolishment of not just written language, but spoken language as well. Like, if we humans are going to use sounds to make words and words to make sentences like “he swiftly shoved his entire paw into her fuzzy pussy,” especially in regards to Care Bears, then I, for one, am ready to get back to hooting and growling at each other. Yes, human civilization would crumble. But seriously — isn’t that a small price to pay for never allowing anyone else the ability to write or speak a similar phrase? Yes. Yes it is.
FYI, incredibly vivid description of Care Bear bodily fluids follow. If you’re going to kill yourself, do it now, and make sure it’s something that won’t let you linger.
Cheer Bear screamed out loud as her entire body was overcome with equally intense feelings of searing pain and blinding pleasure. Grumpy pumped in and out of her over and over again. Within seconds his arm was entirely soaked in her warm juices.
With one more powerful thrust, Cheer Bear’s mind exploded in white as she reached her first orgasm. Grumpy groaned as he reached his own climax and came all over her back.
So here’s how fucked up a year of FFF has made me — I read this part, and for a second thought “but the author hasn’t explained how Grumpy Bear is getting off.” Then I realized what had just happened, and I tore out my own eyes in utter despair.
He pulled his paw out of her and licked it.
“You taste like strawberries.”
He smacked her ass once more, hard and fast, and left her sitting there panting and limp.
“I think I’ll go see how the parties going. Maybe we can continue your enlightenment another day.”
Grumpy walked over to the group of dancing Carebears, a satisfied look upon his face.
“Grumpy, you came!” Shouted Love-A-Lot Bear happily as he approached.
“I certainly did,” whispered Grumpy with a slight grin.
That calls for a wacky trombone noise for sure. Now that’s the entirety of the story, so there’s no reason to go looking for it. Still, if there’s one thing that this tale can teach you — do not look for erotic fan fiction. Please, people — do not let what happened to poor, demented Shy Spades happen to you. I appreciate the help, but I am already a lost soul, and thus can peruse the nerdery of the perverted damned without too much scarring. Don’t be a hero, people.