God of War III Contains Hot God-on-Cyclops Action
When we last saw Kratos at the end of God of War II, he was Zeus, god of all the gods. Clearly, he gets shafted yet again, because in God of War III, he appears to be fighting his way out of Hades sans his divine might. This would probably be enough to get me to buy the game for a third time, at least if I had a PS3. Anyways, it appears Kratos now has the ability to:
? Grab enemies, and use them as a battering ram
? Set the ground on fire with his silly Blades of Chaos
? Use Cerebus Cerberus Gauntlets, which are like boxing gloves made of stone wolf heads
? The ability to make Cyclopses (Cyclopi?) freak out and smash their allies by stabbing them repeatedly in the head
? Grab on to Harpies and steer them by stabbing them, which would seem problematic to me, but of course is fine in the stab-happy world of God of War
But it’s Kratos tearing the Harpy apart after he’s enjoyed his little ride that sums up the game for me. Although maybe Kratos isn’t just being a dick. Maybe the Harpy was making fun of him for being caked in white clown make-up. Alas, we’ll never know.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.