I’m back! And I’m happy to show you this trailer for Pandorum, a movie which I’ve never heard of before this morning, and which stars Dennis Quaid and… well, nobody, really. I can’t say watching the trailer gave me any more information about the movie, other than it looks like any of the recent glut of Japan-inspired horror films, except on a spaceship. Here’s the plot, courtesy of IMDB:
Two astronauts awaken in a
hyper-sleep chamber aboard a seemingly abandoned spacecraft. It’s pitch
black, they are disoriented, and the only sound is a low rumble and
creak from the belly of the spacecraft. They can’t remember anything –
who are they, what is their mission? The only way out of the chamber is
a dark and narrow airshaft. Corporal Bower (Foster), the younger of the
two, crawls inside, while the other, Lt. Payton (Quaid), stays behind
for guidance on a radio transmitter. As Bower ventures deeper and
deeper into the ship, he begins to uncover a terrifying reality. Slowly
the spacecraft’s shocking and deadly secrets come unraveled, and the
astronauts realize that the survival of mankind hinges on their
Okay, so it’s not the most original thing ever, but we could do a hell of a lot worse than Dennis Quaid. 99 times out of 100, that role would go to the Rock. Let me know if you want me to keep covering this flick or to ignore it. I live to serve you bitter, bitter nerds, after all.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.