Spider-Man to Battle the Swiss Miss in Musical (Oh, I’m Deadly Serious)

I kept trying to think of some kind of hot chocolate pun for this article title, but it finally dawned on me that nothing is more ridiculous than the truth — that Spider-man will battle an all-new villainess called the “Swiss Miss” in the upcoming Broadway musical. Try and decide which section from the NY Post‘s preview of the show is most disturbing:

1) And, in fact, its director, Julie Taymor, who staged “The Lion King,” recently warned a group of theater insiders to steer clear of the word “musical.” Spider-Man, she added, “is not going to sing and dance in tights.”

Then will he be nude? Aren’t the tights kind of necessary?

2) Peter Parker is at the center of the story, surrounded by a bunch of
nerdy friends, a sort of “geek chorus,” said bookwriter Glen Berger.

Imagine if your college RPG club was also an a capella group. Try not to stab yourself in the head with scissors in pure terror.

3) Berger and Taymor have invented a new baddie for the show — Swiss
Miss, whose costume, designed by Oscar winner Eiko Ishioka (“Bram
Stoker’s Dracula”), consists of rotating knives and swirling
corkscrews.

SWISS. FUCKING. MISS.

Now apparently, the musical will have several villains, including Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and Lizard (a sinister six, perhaps), so it’s not like Evil Heidi will be the sole focus. But I’m not sure that my brain can handle a Spidey musical — already an odd premsie tied to an exceptionally goofy medium — starring an evil Swiss Miss. I’d like to be open-minded, but I think the Miss just breaks the goofy meter for me. (Via Robot 6)