Archie’s an Idiot


Archie is getting married. Yes, the world’s oldest and eternally least hip teenager is taking the plunge for Archie #600, and the soulless robot that churns out all those Archie comics is keeping his choice of bride under wraps. Will it be nice but stupid Betty? Or less stupid and bitchy Veronica? Also, who the fuck cares?

I mean, even if you’re an Archie fan, you understand this is a disaster waiting to happen, right? About 90% of Archie’s whole damn premise is the eternal struggle of Betty and Veronica for his sweet man-seed, and if he finally picks one of the girls, then it’s all over. All that’s left is to watch Jughead do… whatever it is he’s been doing for the last 60+ years.

On the other hand, this is clearly setting up an Archie/Spider-man crossover in the near future, where Spidey explains how Archie can get his old life back with help from Satan. Now that, my friends, will be a collector’s issue. (Via CBS News)