? Metal Gear Solid‘s Hideo Kojima is overseeing the new Castlevania game, and between that and some sterling voice actors, I thought I was really excited. And then I saw the video and noticed it was the same boring, 3-D,?God of War-lite gameplay that I’ve never given a shit about in Castlevania, and realized I’d still rather be playing Symphony of the Night instead (although if Dracula stops by to talk for 30 minutes about the evils of nuclear proliferation, I might have to check it out).
? The G.I. Joe movie game looks marginally better than the movie in that it has vehicles and BATs, but… enh. The combat looks mediocre at best, and downright pitiful when it comes to the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow swordfight. And every time the Baroness speaks without her accent, I feel like someone is giving my soul a purple nurple.
? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Smash-Up probably won’t be blowing any minds, but it’s basically a TMNT Smash Bros., and is a long overdue idea. Besides the four turtles and Splinter, you can play as Shredder and Ninja April at the very least. I know some of you have to be exited about this thing, right?
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.