Fan Fiction Friday: “Star Wars: Episode VIII: A NUDE Hope”


Several announcements before we begn this FFF. First — no this, is not the Pok?mon fic. I’ll be posting that next Friday, because I will be taking a half-day for the July 4th holiday and there will be no TR contest. I want to leave you with something memorable, and that will be it. You’ll have all weekend to see it at the top of the page and regret what you have asked for.

Secondly — tragically, the site that I have regularly used for my FFF subjects has (dun dun dunh) banned me! I know, I was shocked too. I have a few stories backed-up (including the Pok?mon ione, natch) so I’m safe for a little bit, but if any of you have any treasure troves of horrible erotic fan fiction that I can peruse, send me a link at the TR email.

Now it’s time for the fic, and I hope you don’t mind that, since I wrote 5000 words on Transformers 2 in the last 16 hours that you cut me a little slack on my commentary this week. I don’t think you’ll mind too much, because tribalTAT’s “A NUDE Hope” truly does stand on its own, describing the adventures of Luke, Leia (spelled Leah in the story), Han, Chewie, C3PO and R2 on a trip aboard the Millennium Falcon.

“Yikes! Here we goooooo!” Luke exclaimed and went racing to the
bathroom. He sat his plump, white buttock down and delved into a People
“ahhh… finally” he sighed with relief.

45 minutes passed and still no sign of release.
HEP… Errrr… ahhhh! Christ when is this turd gonna pass!? He made every
effort in his little boy body to expel this demon poo from his innards.
He gripped the People magazine with all his might, nearly tearing the
pages of the paparazzi section.
Without warning the bathroom door suddenly burst open. Yipes!
“Well hello… Luke” a seductive voice whispered from the doorway.
A shadowy figure stood leaning against the door frame. Her deep,
sensual voice grabbed Luke immediately. His mind began racing and a
nervous sweat began pouring from his face.
“Le – Leah… is that you? wha- what are you still doing up…?”
She appeared in nothing but a towel, seemingly ready to take a steamy
shower. However she couldn’t with her brother near by… and any sensible
woman would never allow her own brother to see her in the nude. Right?
“Oh I felt dirty from flyin’ with Han all day… ya ever feel dirty Luke?”
“Y-Yes, I mean NO! NO! NO I HAVE NOT!”

We should probably continue this after the jump.

With that statement Luke shrieked, he became so immensely worked up he
cleaned his colon clear of any remaining feces that were in it. His
voice also cracked more noticeably than when he was 13, but in
comparison to the loud flatulent he released, who cares? Leah heard
though, and giggled her adorable little girl laugh. It sent tingles all
up Luke’s spine.
“Oh you’ve always been the shy one in the family, Luke…”
Luke was not shy, at all. He defeated the emperor and blew up the death
star for Christ’s sake and now he suddenly found himself speechless.
Was he going to see his sister naked? Little did he know, that was
merely a sprinkle on the banana split that was to come.
“… the shy and excitable one.”
“Wh-what the…” and before Luke could send a full three words out of his
mouth, Leah’s towel dropped to the floor, setting her breasts free into
the mist of the shower. Luke noticed everything on her instantly. Her
sensual curves, her delightfully perky breasts and the giant brown
birth mark on her ass, which made him awkward.

Yes, the birthmark is what makes this scene where a naked sister watches her brother take shit awkward.

Still, the sight of her near perfect body caused Luke’s penis to become
very hard. It stood erect and proud, pointing straight towards the
mighty heavens.
“hehe oh my luke… you’re more impressive than I thought.”
“uh… ye-yeah, th-thaaanks Leah, you’re cute too.” THIS IS SO WRONG! It
raced through his head at lightning speed. But the beautiful, wet,
soapy body that stood before him spoke otherwise. Her shapely boobs
were everything Luke could want in something to wank to. Yet did family
relationship matter?..


As awesome as this is, the awesomness is really just beginning.

She lathered up good and fine. The soap dripped off her body at a
seductively slow pace. Luke could not contain the powerful urge of
excitement that raced through his veins. The situation and the alluring
look of his nudie sister became too much for him to fathom and his
erect penis launched a mighty wad of semen directly onto Luke’s shaven
chin. There Luke sat, pants down at his ankles, on a toilet full of
poop with semen dripping from the bottom of his chin, eyes bulging from
his face.
Leah giggled as Luke’s dignity shriveled and died, but
Luke had always enjoyed that delightful snicker, even after he found
out she was his own flesh and blood.
“Well… wh-what do we do now?” Luke said, desperately trying to sound suave.
“I don’t know babe… you tell me.”
“Well um… let’s g-get you outta my dr-dreams and into my bed.” Luke
stuttered, desperately trying to be slick, yet he knew it was hopeless
to be suave on the shitter.
Leah hopped gleefully out of the shower, the soap continued pouring
from her shapely body. Luke stood up from the toilet, his man meat
proudly waving about and his pants still down around his ankles. He
hurried to chase her body down.
He fell in the door way, tripping over his pants. He pulled his face up
from the floor and gazed at Leah, SPREAD EAGLE ON THE HOVER BED. Luke
tried to look away, hell to pull himself up off the ground and get his
shiney, white ass back in his pants. There his sister was… on the bed…
proudly presenting herself.
The night wreaked of possibilities… and Luke knew… and Luke could see
that it was going to be a porkfest of the most monumental proportions.

The caps are all the author’s by the way. Now, LET THE PORKFEST BEGIN

[Han Solo]  was completely comfortable alright, except for one minor detail. He
felt a large amount of pressure on his outer thigh from his pocket. He
switched to auto pilot (Chewy was off playing board games with 3PO
anyway) and pulled a square-shaped box from his pants.

Should I? What would I say? What if she doesn’t like it? Gaw-Geez!

His reflection stared back at him there, in the shiny gold ring and its
big diamond. He thought about how beautiful it would look wrapped
around her finger, while she stood in a flowing white gown with a
bouquet of roses in her arms. They would take each other’s hands in
matrimony with vows that each had written as their feet would dig into
the sand of a beautiful beach. Han began to breathe heavily and
reflect. God he loved her.
Meanwhile in the back bedroom, Leah rode Luke’s man meat like a pogo stick.
“Oh God I’m going to hell!” Luke screamed.
Luke still had his shirt on and Leah was dripping soapy water all over
the bed. Her perky breasts jumped around on her chest, like happy
children on a moon bounce. Up, down and all over, Luke liked it. They
were big, beautiful boobies that ached to be sucked on. He especially
liked that from this angle he could not see the awkward birth mark on
her ass cheek. Phew, good thing. Luke wanted a hard, strong weiner for
his sister.
“Oh Luke!!” she breathed heavily, deep and cavernous “is what we’re doing wrong!?!?”
“OH GOD YES!!” he yelled back at his naked sister.
In the midst of their screams and bounces on each others naked bodies,
a raspy howl came from the closet. “GWAAAAR!! GWAHHWAHWAHWAH!!!!”
Luke and Leah froze, with him still inside of her delicate, shaved vagooina.
if you’re not laughing at the word “vagooina,” you don’t have a capacity for joy.
“Fuck me Freddy!” cried Luke, “someone’s in the closet!”
“There sure is…” Leah said, “NOW GET BACK TO FUCKING ME TWIN BROTHER!”
“Wai.. what?”
“SHUT UP!” Leah screamed and began to gyrate on Luke’s massive, now incestuous, dong.
“No! No! Leah get off!”
“I’m trying to but you keep talking!” She put her hands on his mouth and kept riding him.
“No, no Leah we have to see this. If word gets out that I boinked my sister I’ll be mamed! MAMED SWEET SISTER!”!

I have no idea what this possibly means. But I do know what’s making the “GWAAAH” sounds!

Chewbacca sat in the dark closet, ashamed with his hard animal erection was in his hand, covered in hair.
“OH MY GOD YOU WERE SPYING ON US!… and you’re masturbating!” Luke
said, putting his hands on his waist. He was livid enough to forget
that his man-meat stood straight out, waving in front of Chewie’s face.
The wookie wasted no time, he lept off the floor of the close, with his
own massive erection and began sucking Luke’s dick. Hard, fierce and
long sucks, tasting Luke’s weiner filled him with wookie-delight.
“Oh God No! This is worse!”
“No no, now you let me play too you bad boys!” Leah had jumped off the
bed and come over, wearing a strap on she had hidden in her drawer.
“uhhh… Leah I don’t know abou-…”
“Shut up!” she picked up Chewie’s bent over ass and started ramming him in the butthole with her plastic dildo.
“GWAAAAAAAAH!!!!” Chewie was surprised, but was not about to let Luke’s
large love stick out his mouth, in fact he started to like Leah in his
rectum very much. He took his left paw and began jerking himself off
and rubbing his nipple with his other hand, soft at first, then ROUGH!
As rough as his wookie strength would allow!
“Yes! Yes! Now you do me twin brother and hairy-ape!” Leah said,
speaking in cavewoman talk.

I would like to take a brief moment to pause, so we can reflect on this. This is a line of fan fiction so wonderful, so perfect that it’s like a diamond — every time I read it, it gives me a new happiness. One more time:

“Yes! Yes! Now you do me twin brother and hairy-ape!” Leah said,
speaking in cavewoman talk.

Now we continue.

She got down on all-fours and took Chewie’s
penis into her mouth, stroking it and spitting on it, even biting it.
Chewie didn’t mind though, him and Leah both seemed to like it raw and
hard. They should have started doing this months ago! Luke was doing
her in the behind, crying because there was poop in there, but also
happy because it’s tightening sensation felt wonderful on his meat.

This is also a pretty wonderful sentence, but it’s time to get back to Han.

Han, though, sat in the front of the ship, rocking back and forth, and
singing his Def Lepperd to himself when the galaxy pasta started to get
to him too. A large rumble in his tummy came over him.
“Aww God, the kid was right” Han said laughing to himself “that galaxy pasta sure flies through ya!”
Han got out of his and walked to the back room, holding his stomach the
entire way. “Oh God! This one’s gonna be huge!” He limped his way to
the backroom, stomach full of feces – ready to burst out his hairy
Meanwhile, separated merely by a door, his bride-to-be was getting
rammed in the ass by her twin brother and sucking the monstrous, hairy
dick of Chewbacca. She heard footsteps.
“Oh shit! Someone’s coming!” she said with a mouthful of wookie-weiner.
Han heard Chewie’s loud cries from outside the bedroom door, “Hey
Chewie… is that you in there? Where have you been buddy?” he said,
turning the door knob while he spoke. The door opened and roughly ten
solid beats passed through time while Han stared in heartbroken shock
at his girlfriend getting double-teamed by an ape and her twin brother.
He crapped his pants immediately. Han felt the warm drips of diarrhea
slide down his left leg; it was almost explosive when it was released.
“Le-Leah?” Han spoke, shocked with tears starting to form in his eyes.
“It-It’s not what it looks like Han! I really…” she was interrupted by Chewies ejaculate streaming onto her face.
“CHEWIE MY GOD!” Han cried “get off her!” Chewie smiled a devilish
smile at Han, reached under his fur and pulled out a cigarette.
Leah was still trying to explain it all to Han, her out-of-control
libido, her foolishness, but her face was still filled with cum. She
couldn’t muster a single thought out and Luke was still pounding her in
the ass.
“God Kid get the fuck off her!”
“Oh shit Han’s here!” Luke said, completely unaware of anything going
on in the room outside of Leah’s tight butthole. He pulled his weiner
out quick. His hard erection stuck straight-out, covered in poop and
staring Han right in the face.
“It uhhhh… I uhhh… Well here’s the thing Han” Luke said, trying to make
himself sound dignified even with an erection covered in poop.
“There is no thing kid! What in the fuck is going on!?”
“Look, Han it’s got nothing to do with you I swear” Leah said, wiping the cum off her pretty face.
“It’s got everything to do with me…” Han turned silently and slowly,
walking back to the cockpit and leaving a trail of runny poop behind
He went back to the pilot seat of the Millennium Falcon. The backside
of his pants made a squishy noise as he sat down, the poop had mushed
around in his jean shorts. He reached into his pocket again and pulled
out the engagement ring he was only hours away from giving to Leah.
Tears in his eyes became heavy and started streaming down his face. He
was sure it was meant to be, but how could he look at her the same way
when he knew that precious face he had come to love had been jizzed on
by his wookie co-pilot. And then the question rose, how could he live
with himself?
He couldn’t, he decided, he absolutely couldn’t. No amount of space
therapy could help him regain his mental stability, even the renowned
doctors of the Gelganorn sector could not help him. He cried onto the
engagement ring before him and smelled the feces that filled his pants.
“Oh God I even shit myself!” Han pulled his blaster from his leg
holder. He put the cold barrel of it in his mouth and cried harder than
“Fuck you world!” Han screamed with a mouthful of laser blaster and
pulled the trigger. His brains flew out his head and splattered all
over the wall directly behind him. Blood and mucus were all over the
cockpit and ooey, gooey green stuff clogged electronics on the

Well. Didn’t see that coming. It’s a shame he didn’t just go see Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen instead. ZING!

Now, I’m going to fast-foward a bit to after C3PO explodes at the seeing the carnage and Dash Rendar comes on board the Falcon and proceeds to suck Luke’s dick while Leah eats out his asshole, because frankly, it’s the denouement that is so special (incidentally, Chewbacca fell asleep after his  ass-fucking by Leah). Naturally, this all takes place in the cockput with Han Solo’s corpse. Suddenly…

Suddenly Cat Fish guy leaped from the linen closet in the cock pit where he was hiding for some reason.
“IT’S A TRAP!” he yelled.
Dash took Luke’s man meat and bit it as hard as he could.
Leah looked up from Dash’s asshole to see what was happening, to see
why her brother was screaming a horrible, screeching scream. She peered
around Dash’s large white butt and saw Luke holding his balls with
blood flowing from where his penis once was.
Dash turned his head back and sneered at her, smiling devilishly…
“Oh… don’t think you got out of it baby girl…”
Dash put intense pressure on himself and forced a mountain of poop to
fly of his asshole all over Leah. She immediately broke into tears.
Luke was screaming and bleeding, Leah was crying and covered in poop,
both naked. Dash pulled his pants up and took his space blaster out,
pointing directly at Luke and Leah.
“Time to die honkies!”
“Dash! How could you!?” Luke cried.
“You killed my BFF!”
“Yeah but… but… but why’d you suck my dick!?” Luke said amidst Leah’s cries of shame.
“Maybe I just wanted to find out what little boy weiner tasted like…”
“You monster!”
“And hey…” Dash said “what kinda guy is gonna turn down an asshole eating?”
Dash fired a sharp and hot laser at Luke and Leah, their heads exploded
in a horrific collaboration of blood and brains. Dash stood back,
staring for a moment at the pool of feces surrounding Han and the
canyon in his face, the blood from Luke’s missing penis and his own
poop all over Leah’s naked body in a pile of her brains. To his right,
near the co-pilot chair, lay the smokey remains of C3PO. Dash took out
his crucifix and knelt down.
“Bless you C3PO… you were a good soul.”
Dash put on his space gear and floated back to his ship, where Leebo
(his robotic side kick) sat in the cock pit, stroking his mechanical
“OH. Sorry sir… It was just getting so steamy in there when I was watching you three go at it.”
“Alright well… Depart from here and I’ll give ya a rim job…”
“Oh sir you are the greatest!”
And the two floated off together, bidding farewell to the now deceased crew of the Millennium Falcon.

FUCK AND YES. Greatest FFF ever, in my opinion. And I hope it made you smile, because when the Pok?mon story runs next week, there will be no smiles. Ever again.