Now You Too Can Look Like You Want to Abstain from Sex with a Sparkly Vampire

Twilight: The Cosmetics line. It’s happening, beginning with Lip Venom V lip gloss. Read this description from its makers and just try not throw up in rage:

Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.

This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V
is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip
conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and
vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of
the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are
plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been
reached.

Only a limited number of Lip Venom V
have been produced. Vampires may live forever, but this offer won’t.
Due to limited quantity and exclusivity of this offer, limit 2 per
customer.

The first time I read this, I blacked out at its awfulness, and when I came to, I was punching a baby — that’s how horrible it was. I can’t articulate my utter disgust — especially at “this product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of
the human and vampire worlds” — because I need to save all my hate-words for my Transformers 2 review later, so I’ll ask you to please register your feelings in the comments. (Via Geekologie)