The Cartoon That Needs to Be Made: And the Winners Are…

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?Between this surprisingly popular contest and the WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS madness, I really didn’t have anymore time to rest this weekend than I did when dealing with all the damn Star Wars haiku. Furthermore, there were a ton of great suggestions (often repeated by people who didn’t take the time to read the preceding 250 or so comments) including Discworld, Transmetropolitan, Fables, several fantasy and sci-fi books I haven’t read, those lost Doctor Who episodes, and more. I highly suggest you take some time and read through them, particularly if you’re some kind of high-powered TV or movie producer because they world could seriously stand a lot of these more than it needs an MTV-made, Twilight-ed TV re-make of Teen Wolf, okay? Hit the jump for the mentions and winners.

As has happened her before, when the TR contest involves people coming up with good ideas, the best entries aren’t necessarily the most entertaining to highlight. So these Honorable Mentions are just some of the funniest entries; again, read the comments for genuinely good ideas.

Blank said:

Twilight the Animated Series. I dont really want this to be made, I just figured it was the only way they could get any more 2-dimensional. That and i want to see something on the Disney Channel that has an overhanging theme of pedophillia.

Abraxas said:

I think Shatnerquake should be turned into a Saturday morning cartoon series. The premise is simple, like a cross between the Fugitive and Kung Fu. The pilot episode would be like the start of the book, Shatner going to the ShatnerCon, the evil Campbellians and their fiction bomb, and then all of the Shatners comes to live. The show itself would be an action adventure – the Campbellians team up with the Denny Crane Shatner to take down the real Shatner, lunatic Captain Kirk is also aiming to take down the real Shatner with his light saber, meanwhile the real Shatner and his nerd buddies travel around the country hunting down and killing the stray Shatners while avoiding/fighting Crane, Cambellians and Kirk. I’d watch that with a bold of Shatnerquake cereal.

y2jbrak said:

I have ALWAYS wanted to see Miracleman a.k.a. Marvelman. “Bad” Johnny Bates making the Thames flow with blood. Babies on spikes.(Insert Eddie Izzard’s baby spiking noise.) Oh yes this cartoon would make tentacle rape porn seem tame. This was gritty and real story-telling BEFORE Watchmen and The Dark Knight. Oh and don’t forget these stories were told by Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman! That and since Marvel bought the rights to it, now Disney owns it! So how awesome would this mind-blowing story be as a DISNEY cartoon? Pixar would have a field day with this one.

Lynnie said:

Oh, oh, ooooh Tad William’s Otherland! It’s like if LOST made sweet love to .hack, only in the end the seas of chaos part and shit actually makes sense.

anonymoose said:

I hear the manga was pretty cool, so I’d like to see an anime version of Mein Kampf… maybe with Gilbert Gottfried doing the main character’s voice.


I’ve waited my whole video-game playing life for them to do an actual high quality JAPANESE animated Legend of Zelda Cartoon. A whole series following a complete story of the Nintendo games, but actually looking like the characters should. I almost peed my pants in the 80’s when they announced ‘The Legend of Zelda’ was gonna be part of the Super Mario bros. Super show, and then we get that watered down Americanized crap-fest. “Well excuuuuuuse me, princess!” GAHH!! Shoot him, shoot him now!!! That was a hot, steamy bowl of rich, creamy bullshit and I want my REAL LOZ anime now, you bastards!!

Manon Theedge said:

How about this — “The Topless Robot Fan Fic Fun Show”? You’ve already compiled plenty of material, now it just needs to be animated. This could be the next big thing on Adult Swim!

SpiderHyphenMan said:

Due to Disney’s acquisition of Marvel, my dream of House of Marvel is incredibly close to reality. It would be just like House of Mouse, where all the Disney characters are in one spot, except with Marvel characters. Picture the epicness of seeing Spidey, Cap, and Wolverine all just hanging out at a club, while the forces of Doom, Magneto, and Galactus join together to crash their party. In the two part season finale, the Marvel villains would align with their Disney brethren to crash the party, forcing the Marvel heroes to join force with the Disney heroes. But not all is well, as tensions rise between Mickey Mouse and Wolverine when the latter hits on Minnie. And Howard the Duck and Donald Duck have a titanic squabble over who is the true master of Quack-Fu. But all ends well, as Mickey and Cap lead their comrades to victory against the forces of evil. But the season ends on a cliffhanger, as a silhouetted man opens the door in the middle of the celebration. And when he steps out of the shadows he reveals himself to be… Batman?Then, Bugs Bunny, accompanied by a corporate execu.tive explains that Disney has bought Warner Brothers.

HDO said:

The Dark Knight Returns. ?Panel for fucking panel.? Right before Kevin Conroy goes into the studio you kung fu chop his throat to get some extra rasp.?

Future punk instrumental soundtrack
Kani said:

All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder.
So I can hear Kevin Conroy say, “I’m the goddamn Batman.”

Hollowedout said:

You wanted the best you got the best CARTOON OF KISS!!!! I’d want the Mego theme song too!! Plus a re-do of Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park!!! YEA SPACE CHILD!! GO DEMON!! Ummmm Cat I guess you can go and drink in the corner with Ace! YEA! 275 episodes of pure afterschool fun!!! Plus Gene would market the SHIT out it!!!

? said:

Godzilla vs. Cthulhu. It would be a lost episode of that old Hanna-Barbera series. You know, one of those old ’60’s cartoons that was toned down and turned into a ripe hunk of horseshit for the American kiddies by those evil, blood-sucking executives we all hate so much.It would look kind of grainy and generally old, as no one would want to take care of this. Also, I imagine Cthulhu’s origin would be altered into something more palatable ( i.e radioactive swamp-monster), and it would have all the shitty, no name voice actors doing more inadvertently hilarious “voice-acting” that no sane, decent person would want to imagine. Except Clint Howard would lend his voice to Cthulhu, as I still can’t get over how cosmically awesome that is.

Winners on the next page.

If you recall, there were going to be two winners for this contest — one picked by me, the other randomly. Here’s my choice first:


?Dr Rotwang! said:

An animated Paranoia series. One that uses the 2nd edition from 1987 as its basis, not that fucked-up comic book or the god-awful 5th edition that never actually happened.
It would follow the exploits of one clone as he rises through the ranks of Alpha Complex, using guile, bribery, trickery and outright asshole nature to climb from a lowly Red-clearance Troubleshooter to a Violet administrator — and climax as he enters the ranks of the privileged Ultraviolet-level Programmers…and learns some horrible truths about Alpha Complex, The Computer, cloning and possibly Barbra Streisand.
Along the way, traitors would be executed, mutants would be persecuted, ComBots would explode, PLC clerks would be bribed, weird gadgets would be tested, radiation would leak, Vulture Warriors would blow the crap out of stuff and something would fall off the Mark V. Our protagonist, who HIMSELF would be a mutant, and a traitor, would be the cause of most of it.
It’d be part The Prisoner, part Venture Brothers and part The Young Ones.

I used to play a hell of a lot of Paranoia in my nerdiest days, so I know I’m biased, but damn if that’s not an idea ripe for reinvention. I honestly think it’d make a perfect Adult Swim series — I literally hit myself in the head when I read Rotwang’s entry because it was such a great idea I’d never thought of, and that’s what gets him the win. And for the randomly selected winner:


?JOE said:

Movie Maniacs: The Cartoon series.
I remember when Mcfarlane’s action figures came out, how cool it would be if there was one cartoon series that also had these characters mixing it up. Just think, the good guys team could consist of Ash, Snake Plissken, Ichabod Crane, Shaft, (I forget what other hero characters were licensed in the beginning). Every episode would have them fighting another villian character like Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. As more and more characters became licensed to be figures, they would get added to the cast. Alien Predator, Robocop, The Terminator…
The best part is since it was a cartoon, you could probably get a lot of the real actors like Robert Englund and Bruce Campbell to do the voices. Especially with today’s big name stars who love to do cameos for an episode or two. It would be awesome.

I’m glad JOE’s number came up, because this is also a great idea even if it would never happen. Well, maybe in some alternate universe early ’80s, because I can totally imagine waking up Saturday mornings for a cartoon starring all the big movie monsters of the day. Of course, we’d probably all have blue skin or eat light bulbs in that universe, but it still would’ve been a hell of a cartoon. Thanks to all who entered, as always.