The Avatar Soundtrack Isn’t Helping

?Oh, poor James Cameron. First, everyone makes fun of his 10-years-in-the-making furry fan-fic Avatar, and now, thanks to listings for the official Avatar soundtrack, the “plot” has been revealed for all to see. I put plot in quotes not because I think Avatar is plotless, but because I’m pretty sure if we had to guess what the story was from the trailers we’d seen so far, we’d have Avatar down with about 90% accuracy. Seriously, there’s no surprises here — not a one. I’m not even putting a spoiler warning here, but feel free to toss your computer out the window if you don’t want to read the official Avatar soundtrack song titles:

1) You Don’t Dream in Cryo…
2) Jake Enters His Avatar World
3) Pure Spirits of the Forest
4) The Bioluminescence of the Night
5) Becoming One of the People
6) Climbing Up – Iknimaya – The Path to Heaven
7) Jake’s First Flight
8) Scorched Earth
9) Quaritch
10) The Destruction of Hometree
11) Shutting Down Grace’s Lab
12) Gathering All the Na’vi Clans for Battle
13) War
14) I See You (Theme from Avatar)

And… there we go. Jake gets an avatar to hunt for resources. Jake falls in love with sexy furry and their simple, nature-loving ways. Humans come to kill the furries, and Jake is torn between the cartoonishly evil humans and the aggrivating noble cat people. Jake fights with the furries. Oh, it’s worth mentioning that “I See You” is a tender love ballad, exactly in the vein of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” from James Cameron’s Titanic. Because when you have a movie about a race of aliens who look like a blue Garfield, an overproduced song about love is what you need to pull it all together.