Robin Hood: Prince of Heaves
Remember what I was saying about the Sherlock Holmes movie earlier? How it seems to have nothing to do with the beloved character’s most basic, intrinsic characteristics? Well, as if to rub salt directly in my eyes, Ridley Scott released an international trailer for his Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie today, and I would defy anybody to guess what the hell the movie’s about just by the trailer footage alone. Hell, there appears to be only one goddamn arrow in the entire movie, although there’s plenty of yelling and sword waving and heroically leading massive armies into battle and rising up out of the water while yelling and waving a sword and leading a massive army — IT’S FUCKING GLADIATOR, BUT WITH ANOTHER NAME, AND IT HAS AS MUCH TO DO WITH THE ROBIN HOOD LEGEND AS GLADIATOR. Let me tell you that’s there’s only one Robin Hood movie that matters, and I’m not talking about the Kevin Costner one (although it does have a place in my heart as the first movie I saw on a date):
Ooh-de-lally ooh-de-lally, motherfuckers. All the other Robin Hoods can fuck off.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.