Robin Hood: Prince of Heaves

Remember what I was saying about the Sherlock Holmes movie earlier? How it seems to have nothing to do with the beloved character’s most basic, intrinsic characteristics? Well, as if to rub salt directly in my eyes, Ridley Scott released an international trailer for his Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie today, and I would defy anybody to guess what the hell the movie’s about just by the trailer footage alone. Hell, there appears to be only one goddamn arrow in the entire movie, although there’s plenty of yelling and sword waving and heroically leading massive armies into battle and rising up out of the water while yelling and waving a sword and leading a massive army — IT’S FUCKING GLADIATOR, BUT WITH ANOTHER NAME, AND IT HAS AS MUCH TO DO WITH THE ROBIN HOOD LEGEND AS GLADIATOR. Let me tell you that’s there’s only one Robin Hood movie that matters, and I’m not talking about the Kevin Costner one (although it does have a place in my heart as the first movie I saw on a date):

Ooh-de-lally ooh-de-lally, motherfuckers. All the other Robin Hoods can fuck off.