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The Final Fantasy XIII Opening Cinematic Does Not Make Me Wet ‘Em


But that’s okay. After a day of posts like this, I don’t need Final Fantasy XIII to blow my brain out the back of my skull with awesomeness; I just need it to be there, and here it is. Sure, the opening cinematic is kind of light on action. Yes, it appears there’s a water ballet scene much like Anakin and Palpatine were watching in Revenge of the Sith. Yes, the black man has a small baby chick in his hair which may or maybe not be horrifically racist. But goddammit, Final Fantasy games are supposed to make me happy, and the last one that actually succeeded was Final Fantasy X, and I need FFXIII to give me the joy that FFs used to. Please, Evil Flying Jesus, I know that I dishonor when I post stories about the Tiny Toons having holiday-themed orgies. But I suffered through the bullshit MMORPG of FFXI, that atrocity that was FFX-2, and the total fucking nonsense of FFXII. I NEED FINAL FANTASY XIII TO BRING MY SOUL JOY LIKE IT USED TO. PLEASE, EVIL FLYING JESUS. PLEASE.