Disturbingly Sexual Tonner Doll Trifecta

I think most toy collectors know Tonner, right? They make 18-inch figures — in a weird, very doll-like style, complete with rooted hair and fabric clothes — that normally would be in some ritzy collector’s store, except they’ve been getting into nerd properties like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and DC characters and stuff over the last few years. Anyways, they just released pics of a slew of new dolls coming out later this year, and they’re kind of freaking me out.

?? Power Girl. Admittedly, Tonner’s done most of the rest of the big DC superheroines already, so it’s a natural selection — plus, Tonner is also releasing a Harley Quinn doll at the same time. It’s just that Power Girl figures — of any sort — freak me out, because I can’t stop think about how the owners will choose to “play” with them.

?? If Power Girl is bad, this Who Framed Roger Rabbit Jessica is much, much worse. I mean, you don’t even have to expend any effort getting this doll naked — it’s just a slight tug. It’s the American version of those millions of Japanese figurines with the removable maid outfits and such.

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? Admittedly, this Miss Piggy figure is probably the best, most accurate figure they’re releasing. It’s just that now my mind’s in the gutter and I can’t stop thinking about some depraved soul dry-humping Miss Piggy. So please, enjoy that mental image with me.