Dear Minions: Buy This Lightcycle for Me, Stat
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?Dear Topless Roboteers: I appreciate you all sending me this ebay listing for a full functional, street-legal lightcycle from the upcoming Tron: Legacy movie. I know you know I’m greatly looking forward to the movie, and it makes sense that I would enjoy seeing this listing. However, you all are not taking into account the fact that I’m really, really looking forward to Tron: Legacy, and thus seeing a lightcycle that I could theoretically own had I the money is actually pure anguish. There’s only one solution here, and that’s for one of you bastards to buy it for me. It’s still at $35,000, which is pretty reasonable, I think, for making a man on the internet that virtually none of you have ever met happy. If you all want to pool your resources together, and present it to me as a group gift, I’m okay with that too. In fact, if you guys get me this, you all don’t have to get me anything for Christmas.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.