Nerd Regrets: And the Winners Are…

?My nerd regret — that I have only two shirts to give out this week to your poor bastards. This week’s TR contest was full of great entrie, most of which deserved Honorable Mentions or more. So many tales of opportunities missed, beloved toys given away, and viewings of Episode I. Obviously, we’re all still recovering from The Phantom Menace, but for that second category, well, ZeroCorpse came up with the law, but Caveat Emptor said it best:

I’m going to write my Congress person today and ask them to vote yes on ZeroCorpse’s law, which will make it a class 4 felony to burn, throw away or other wise destroy any nerd property who’s value increases by at least 50 times within 20 years of it’s destruction or loss.

If only. Anyways, it’s always the missed opportunities which present the most exquisitie regret, so that’s what generally ended up catching my eye. Alas, I regret that it takes me long enough to read all the entries, let alone judge and select winners, so if you want to assume this is just a small sampling of Honorable Mentions, you would be entirely just in doing so.

Honorable Mentions. Let’s do it.

bettercobra said:

I stood in line for all 3 prequels and the Ep IV re-release. And while waiting in line for Ep IV I saw a girl that I had a crush on in school but she had moved before I worked up the nerve to ask her out. I decided that it was better to not lose my place in line than catch up to her and say hi.

Bad Horse said:

The time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day I kept saying, “I’ll go a little later. I’ll go a little later.” And then when I got there, they told me he’d just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he would ever come back again, *sniff* he said he didn’t know.
Well, I’m never going to let something like that happen again! I’m going into space right now!

JOE said:

I have the worse kind of regret. I regret it eveytime I buy a new Transformer because I’m always low on room and noney (and really should be thinking about things like dating). But I keep buying them because if I don’t, I wind up regreted it, especially when I have to hunt down the ones missed at jacked up prices on Ebay.
(sigh) The Damed-if-you-do,-damed-if-you-don’t life of a nerd.

DoctorSmashy said:

Not leaping onto Michael Bay and gutting him the time I saw him at the London Transformers 2 premiere. Oh, the pain I could have averted. The lives I might have saved! And all because I hadn’t packed my Twin Sai.
Come to think of it, why the HELL was I at the premiere?

ksa otaku said:

I live in Saudi Arabia. Many things are plentiful, here.
Anime and Manga? Not one of them.
Only just recently have i been able procure them. And that is via a vacation to Dubai.
Now the only place that stocks anime, that I know of is virgin megastore. And let me tell you, my dear rob. when I entered the anime section, I saw an entire wall of anime(hilariously mislabeled as “manga”) . It was like a dream.
There was much to choose from. Too much for my meager wallet to afford. I’m a patient man so I saved allot of them for my next trip in a few weeks, figuring I’d come back with a ton of cash and big suitcase.
Big mistake.
When i came back, that wall was reduced to a tiny corner. Not 1/10 of it’s former size. They must have figured that shit wasn’t selling and tried to cut their losses.
Here’s what I missed:
TRIGUN
EVANGELION
COWBOY BEBOP
WOLFS RAIN
DBZ
ESCAFLOWNE
FLCL
and many others…
What’s left?
SLAYERS!, HEAT GUY J!! and MOTHER FUCKING PAPUWA!!!
Now I can never hear Shinji get angry, because those bastards ran out of ink.
You Americans have got it so fucking easy… AND YET YOU STILL BITCH…
At least actual manga is plentiful…for now.
Fucking papuwa….

Kayla said:

My nerd regret would have to be going to all the way to a comic-con where Leonard Nimoy was to be in attendance. I went ALL the way there, driving nine hours straight after work on no sleep and surviving off Rockstar energy drinks and 7-11 corn dogs. I got there and in my haste to leave my house I had grabbed my original copy of “I am Not Spock” for him to sign. Or…. so I thought.
When I approached him with my book, giddy as a 23yr old fangirl could be, I handed over …. (suspense) William Shatner’s Movie Memories book. Realizing my mistake I pulled the book from his hands and apologized profusely. T_T

Jonesie said:

My Uncle was a huge comic book nerd and is actually the person responsible for me getting into it. When he moved out of my Grandparents house he left all of his books and Comic books behind. I eventually bought the house and stumbled upon all of the books in the attic, in the pile of really old comics was an Incredible Hulk 181.
So my biggest regret was bringing this fact up to him at Christmas one year only to have him come in and take all of the comics back and sell them on Ebay. BASTARD!!!!!!!!! – I would have totally got that shit certified and put it in a vault for my retirement.

Nyeeh said:

While my biggest regret is importing obscure games only to find out that it later gets an English localisation, the biggest case of this for me was Persona 3.
When I heard that the game was getting an English release, I snapped it up. However, after realising that there was an expansion that was released for the game in Japan (FES) I assumed that the expansion pack wouldn’t get an English release so naturally I decided to import it. Few months later, Fes is announced for an American release.
Annoying, but at least it’s in English.
As Persona 3 is one of my favourite RPG’s, I was excited when I heard about the PSP remake announced in Japan. Being an idiot who obviously cannot recognise a pattern when he sees one, I snapped it up.
For those keeping track, I have now bought the same damn game 5 times, to wit:
? Persona 3 (American)
? Persona 3 FES (Japanese)
? Persona 3 FES (American)
? Persona 3 Portable (Japanese)
? Persona 3 Portable (American)
Every time I see them on my shelves, I realise that I’ve spent over ?200 on the same game 5 times over and just feel immensely depressed.

Bill Binder said:

Well, First off I want to remove my entry from the running because I won last week and don’t want to be that dick who enters the next week’s contest, but I wanted to share my story.
I graduated from college in April of 2001. I packed up all my stuff and was ready to move to AZ only days after I finished. My roommate urged me to stay a few more days because Douglas Adams was giving a lecture at the University. I was so enamored with the idea, but that would cost me something like $40 for transferring my plane ticket so I left and missed the lecture…. one week before Mr. Adams passed away.
So long and thanks for all the fish.

Mike said:

It was 5th grade. The Original Trilogy Star Wars was being re released on the big screens. This was what I had been waiting for since I had discovered the wonder of Star Wars as a young child. I was also failing 5th grade. My parents said that if I did not turn my D’s into B’s by the second quarter I would not be allowed to see ANY of the Star Wars films in theaters. I being a stupid 5th grader did not believe them and continued to let my grads slip…..I never got to see Star Wars in theaters. Suffice to say I never did bad in school again, but I also have told my parents that I will never forgive them for this even on their death beds. Unless of course the Original Trilogy is re re released in theaters.

Zefram Cochrane said:

One of the things you should have learned about me by now is that I don’t have regrets.

EShea said:

Periodically selling comics for beer money, such as Wolverine 1-4, and the original Transformers comic issues 1-8. Those comics were a great read, but sadly the bar had lousy woman, and the booze was far from top shelf.

demoncat said:

even though i should pass this contest since i won the last one. reading the others entry can resisit adding mine. My biggest Nerd regret was one time at the comic shop where i buy my comics and figures i found both mint in box the u.s.s flag and the original Death star playset. and had enough money saved up to get both of them for the shop owner had them both marked down to try and get rid of them but instead i wind up buying a bunch of other comics and figures. yes had a rare chance to have the holly grail of both star wars and gijoe toys and passed them up.

Gaspump said:

My only regret… is that I have… Bonitis…

Lincolnparadox said:

My great nerd regret is watching the final episode of Quantum Leap. It’s not because it was bad, but because I start to tear up every time someone mentions it. My favorite show of all time, and I’m forced to leave the room when people are discussing it for fear of embarrassing myself.
He never made it home! What the hell is that, Bellisario? Five years of hoping the next leap would be the leap home? I hope that sadist rots in hell.
I need a tissue, now.

Zhalfim said:

While being a broke student in London, for my birthday I was given a ticket by my parents to go see “Waiting for Godot” starring Patrick Stewart (not a Sir then) and Sir Ian McKellen, I hocked the ticket to get some food and then the a few days later someone paid back some money I had lent them.
I think my “Nooooooo” at that moment beat Vader’s

VeryMetalChewie said:

I lost Admiral Ackbar in the sea in the south of France in the summer of 84

Jedisilk said:

Around the time I was 17 my dad bought me this poster of the Enterprise (TOS version). From that point on we have systematically worked to get the entire original cast of Star Trek to sign it. Of course, there was one available (for several hundred dollars more of course) with the signatures of the entire cast, but dad did not buy that one. Anyway, that same year there was a convention that both Shatner and Deforest Kelley were attending. Dad and I didn’t get to that one and then Deforest Kelley died. Thus our quest that has spanned 13 years will never be completely finished.

Greggory said:

Back in the summer of 1986 I got grounded. I don’t even remember what I got grounded for, but I do remember what I missed. Transformers the movie. By the time I I was done being grounded, it wasn’t in theaters any more. I eventually saw it on VHS, but by then I’d already had the big surprise ruined for me. My older brother couldn’t resist telling me all the cool stuff that happened during the movie, including someone throwing a candy bar at the screen and sliding down in such a way as to make Star Scream look like he had a bloody nose.
So I didn’t get to experience the shock of seeing Optimus Prime die on screen with my friends and I’ve felt ever since that I missed out on a defining moment of my generation.
The only cartoon movie that was playing at the time (which my mom bought me a ticket to hoping to cheer me up) was “Go-Bots: Battle of the Rock Lords” at the local second run theater. As consolation prizes go, this did not console me one bit.

Ken said:

When I got divorced my ex-wife held all my Batman stuff ransom, releasing bits and pieces a little at a time. She wanted jeans, so I bought her jeans and got a box or two, stuff like that. It was like we were negotiating for hostages or something.
My lawyer said it was still the marital home and I had a right to it and to just go and get it but I tried to take the high road, though, and ultimately got screwed.
Eventually I got most of it back, but foolishly, everything was in boxes, neatly labeled, graded and collector valued. I basically lost anythign that was actually vlauable in the collector market such as my Alex Ross limited edition collector plates and all my original Megos (including magnetic Batman and Robin).
I saw the Megos at a local comic shop not too long after that but I just couldn’t bring myself to buy back what was already mine.
So, I guess my biggest regret is not turning around and stepping into traffic on the day I met my ex-wife.

Nuff Said said:

So I’m a major Sonic fan. I search ebay almost everyday looking for old sonic merchandise to add to my growing collection of statues, toys, comics, dolls, shampoo bottles, you name it I probably have it. I have basically all of the games and their soundtracks… hell my entire ipod is sonic!
My regrets are for being a major bitch to my poor brother and forcing him to buy an expensive system just to play Sonic 2006, my undying love for sonic causing me to play the entire game thinking oh it’ll probably get better, and the BIGGEST regret is the stupid ass sonic lover in me who, a couple years later finally purchased a ps3 slim and bought sonic 2006 again because our 360 got the red ring and I couldn’t play sonic 2006 anymore. I bought it again, for the second time because I could no longer play it for the 360! Why would I buy it again?! What the fuck was I thinking! I get so pissed at myself every time I see it smiling at me from the shelf…

bradley547 said:

Hows this for nerd regret…
Every time I go through my familys old photo albums I come across a picture of myself sitting on a rock on a remote beach north of Mendicino CA.
It was a crappy vacation, The weather was uniformly overcast and the campground was always damp, dirty and uncomfortable. The worst part was there was no TV or Radio.
The date? July 20, 1969.
I missed the farging MOON LANDING because my Dad thought it would be fun to go dig in the north coast sand for a week. It’s not bad enough that I’m old enough to remember the Moon landing, but I don’t even get the GD satisfaction of ACTUALLY REMEMBERING the frikin thing.

Papasan said:

My wife had the entire… that’s right, the ENTIRE collection of
original Star Wars trading cards. That’s right: All the color borders,
every card. She had collected them religiously as soon as they began to
be released, and her parents didn’t seem to think much of it, accepting
it as a childish fad. But then: religion struck.
Some JACKSTABBER traveling preacher came to their church. He was one of
those, “here’s the latest evil shit you need to be afraid of, folks”
types of preachers, and, among other things, he mentioned that Star
Wars, as innocent as it seemed, was actually trying to indoctrinate our
precious children with *GASP* EASTERN RELIGION! That’s right folks, this
whole “the force” thing is just the DEVIL’S way of tricking your kids
into turning from Christ, and following the HEATHEN WAYS OF THE EAST,
yadda, yadda, yadda… Funny, right?
Weeeeeeeellllllll, it wasn’t so funny that night! For, you see, her
parents, high on a crested wave of newly realized righteous indignation,
FORCED HER TO BRING OUT HER STAR WARS CARDS, EVERY LAST ONE, AND MADE
HER CEREMONIALLY BURN THEM IN THEIR FIREPLACE!!! THE WHOLE SET!!! AND
PRAY FOR FORGIVENESS AND PROTECTIOON FROM THE EVIL, NASTY EASTERN
RELIGION DEMONS PRESENT IN THESE TINY SLIPS OF PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for the all-caps, but that’s how awful it was for her… to this
day (and she’s forty now) she regrets not standing up to her dumbass,
religion-addled asswad parents, and saving her cards from the fires of
dimwitted witch-huntery.
(punch line: when her nephews were kids, not too many years later, they
collected star wars cards as well, and her parents asked her, “hey, what
ever happened to all those star wars cards you had… the boys might
like those!” fuck. double fuck.)

Eeesh. And yes, the winning entries are even more tragic. And they’re on the next page.

—-

Before I list the winners, I would like to give a very special Honorable Mention to Boyle, for his lengthy recounting of a dream which — while it did deal with regret to a certain degree — was totally batshit insane and massively entertaining to read, as it dealt with Boyle, zombies, and Bruce Springsteen. Just go read it. But now for winner #1…

PopeAwesomeXIII said:

Easy one:
A guy I went to high school with is working in L.A. as a… I don’t want to identify him, but sufficed to say he’s so far down in the credits of the TV you watch, that you’ve already turned the TV off by the time his name flashes by.
And he was working on “Firefly” back in 2002.
I had just graduated from college, and had to fly back that December weekend to see a friend graduate at the Fall semester. Of course, this was the same weekend as the Firefly Christmas party (which, as it turned out, was actually the wrap party)… I thought to myself, “Why would I want to hang out with a bunch of crew guys? I need to fly back east.”
My friend later told me stories of getting drunk with Nathan Fillion, and Gina Torres’ husband making a cameo (that would be Morpheus, people)… while I flew back east and still missed the graduation because I couldn’t get a ride.
MORAL: If you’re a college graduate, you can just rent a car, you don’t need to bum rides. Or, more accurately, GRADUATION ISN’T THAT IMPORTANT.

Of all the missed opportunities leaid out in this weekend’s contest, this is absolutely the most dire. Graduation sucks for everyone involved, always, every single time, and to have to sit in a gym and hear some old dude read 600 names in alphabetical order is about the absolute antithesis to hanging out and drinking with the Firefly cast. Pope, at least this tragedy has netted you a TR shirt. It won’t make up for it, but it’s something.

Gen said:

This is not just a nerd regret.
This is the single most horrifying thing that I have ever done. And it haunts me. Constantly.
Item one: I have had frequent nosebleeds all my life. Weak blood vessels or something. I am already genetically nerdy.
Item two: Every summer from middle school to before my senior year of high school, my parents would send me off to CTY, the three week camp where the smartest kids from across the nation congregate in college dorms to take classes.
One night in the dorm shower, I had a nosebleed right after turning the water off. And the weirdest, most fucked up thought crawls into my brain. I touch my upper lip, look at my bloodstained finger, look at the wall. Look at my finger, look at the wall. And ever so slowly, I write upon the wall in my own blood, “THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED”.
The rest is a blur. It got the attention of the geekier kids first somehow, who freaked out, told the Residential Assistant, who freaked out, and told the deans, who freaked out. They threatened to go to the police if nobody turned themselves in, which I did promptly. As I did my dead man walk over to the dean’s office where the three heads of the program were waiting for me, I had to choose whether to laugh it off as a joke, or somehow make an impossible lie. For no reason other than adolescent confidence, I chose the latter. I spun an embarrassingly stupid web of lies about nosebleeds and psychological prevention of them and a made-up therapist and seeing words with blood and none of it made any sense at all.
I didn’t get kicked out. I didn’t receive any punishment at all. And it still haunts me. Even in my moments of greatest achievement, my brain will subtly pull up the memory and remind me, “but you did THAT.”
And that is my nerd regret.

A lengthy story, but one I identify with, as most of my biggest regret are when I did something phenomenally stupid for no reason whatsoever. What I love is that it’s so obviously a bad idea, that even the slightest bit of thought would easily indicate that Gen shouldn’t have done it, and he did it anyways. I’ve been there, on more than one occasion, to equally awful results. You get a shirt, my brother in insane stupidity. Try not to bleed on it.

As always, thanks to everyone who entered. Even if you didn’t win a shirt, you have both my sympathies and in many cases, my empathies.