Inappropriate Book Installments: And the Winners Are…

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Shocked I managed to judge these in one day? After 2100 entries, 650+ seems like a fucking breeze, my friends. It helped that so many of these entries of fake book titles were hilarious; I honestly haven’t laughed harder at a TR contest in a while. Which is why I went ahead and upped the HM count to ~50; there were too many entries that were too good to be cut down.

Before I start, though, I would like to point out how many entries just totally missed the rules — whether they posted one more than entry, whether they were too obviously naughty, or whether they were of movies and things that were not books. I’m not exactly losing any sleep over people who don’t follow the rules, but there were a couple of folks that won’t be getting shirts because they didn’t pay attention. No need to name names; I’m just sayin’.

All right, enough of that. Turn the page for some serious Mentioning.

davelog said:

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of Bugsy’s Methadone Stash

Echo said:

? Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein 2 : Electric Boogaloo
? Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of Dad’s Secret Friend, Richard
? The Hitchhikers Guide to Ladyboy Brothels in Thailand

DoctorSmashy said:

Miss Marple in Doing It With Mirrors

Jedisilk said:

? Judy Bloom’s “Who do you talk to about Pussy?”
? “Are you there God? It’s me Margaret, & you are a prick.”

Adam E. said:

Ender’s Mormon Boner

Will said:

Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, vol. 17: Neo-Rome and the Colonization of Mars

The Banana Bandit said:

The Wheel of Time: A Crown of Dicks

Black Llama said:

The Dark Tower VIII: The Coming of Mandigo

caprica jason said:

? Ender’s Game of Monopoly
? Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Tussle over 401k Pension Plans with the Ministry of Magic
? Tolkien’s The Hobbitillion: A Comprehensive Guide to Hobbit Foodstuffs and Dining Rituals

ashlandateam said:

Nancy Drew Mystery Stories: The Case of The Haunted Intimate Care Screening Kit

Dantheman said:

Beating the Dead Horses of Dune

Wedgie Antilles said:

The Mysterious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. T

Jeff said:

The Hobbit 2: The Legend of Smeagol’s Gold

TomeMinder said:

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Little League Coach’s Apartment

Wedgie Antilles said:

Pride and Prejudice II: Mo’ Pride, Mo’ Prejudice

Melody said:

The Chronicles of Narnia: This Story is About Eustace, So You Might As Well Skip It

DrPluton said:

R.A. Salvatore’s Fourth Installment in the Transitions series after The Orc King, The Pirate King, and The Ghost King is The Burger King. Can Drizzt Do’Urden and Bruenor Battlehammer defeat the greatest threat to date: childhood obesity?

Boredlizzie said:

A Stranger with a Strange Hand

toxicroach said:

Dildomancer

NotNerdy’Nuff said:

Terry Goodkind’s “Wizard’s First Safe Word” Now with 90% more S&M.

Krakes said:

The Dragonspayers of Pern

The Chu said:

Albus Severus Potter and the Conveniently Surviving Horcrux

RandomChance said:

Dragonlance Tales, Book 34: Raistlin’s an Asshole

Warp Pipe Panic said:

The Boxcar Children and The Auschwitz Mystery

Herky said:

? Everyone Poops 2: Everyone Still Poops
? Charlotte’s Web 2: Makin’ Bacon

Matheyus said:

? Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Divorce Proceeding
? Scott Pilgrim Gets Partial Custody
? Scott Pilgrim & The Infinite Alimony

More mentions and winners on the next page.

KingKha said:

Dunes of Dune

Modokslover said:

Robert A. Heinleins “Your Mom is a Harsh Mistress”

deathpigeon said:

Harry Potter and the Order of Nambla

Greggory said:

The Girl who gave change for a 10 when the customer definitely handed her a 20 by Stieg Larsson

Thane888 said:

Drizzt Goes to Camp

sjferrari said:

Terry Pratchet’s Discworld, by Eoin Colfer

TheRam said:

Michael Crichton’s The Androgynous Stain

Kiefziel said:

The Twilight Saga: Rising Sun
The Twilight Saga: Late Morning
The Twilight Saga: High Noon
The Twilight Saga: Afternoon Tea
The Twilight Saga: Evening Shadows
The Twilight Saga: Sundown
The Twilight Saga: Oh God It’s So Dark

Obviously this is more than three entries, but it’s part of the one joke. So I allowed an HM.

RobCorpseEater said:

Tom Clancy’s Fuck it.

bgoul030 said:

So Long! And Thanks for All the Tang

FireThunder said:

Eat, Pray, Bukakke

Nostromo’s Second Android said:

The Real Da Vinci Code: Solving the Mystery of How the Italians went from Roman Empire to the Jersey Shore

Art Eff said:

Dune: Spice Girls of Dune

arivalscientist said:

Little Women, 1 Cup

Jmoes said:

Percy Jackson and the Special Olympics

Hollowedout said:

Howl’s Bowel Moving Castle

Zoot said:

The Princess Divorcee

dottie said:

Lord of the Rings 4: Back in the Hobbit

wildmanofborneo said:

? V for Vendetta 2: 2 Vast 2 Vurious

? Scott Pilgrim and the First Thanksgiving

? 5nal Crisis

sullijo said:

4001: The Year We Make Cookies

Now for the winners! Forgive the short write-ups, but I’m very excited about a week where I don’t have to spend the entire time judging TR contests.

InterwebHero said:

? An Illiterate Fisherman of Earthsea
? Chronicles of Narnia: Jesus, the Cooler Unit and the Flatpack IKEA Dresser

His Earthsea title is nice, but his Narnia title is borderline brilliant. Truly, it’s C.S. Lewis’ masterpiece updated for the modern age.

Neural Khan said:

? HG Wells’ War of the Worlds Part II: Holy $#!t, They’ve Got Cough Medicine

And no title was more brilliant than this. The best part is if anyone did make a true sequel to War of the Worlds, it would more or less have to be named this.

So I actually enjoyed this contest so much I want to run it again — not this Friday, as I have something special planned, but maybe the weekend after. But it’s your call — would you rather have something new, or would you like another shot at this contest?