If you were a child of the ’80s and/or ’90s, or even if you were just alive during that time, the likelihood was that finding a square mile without a turtle toy in sight would’ve been a difficult feat indeed.
We’ll spare you the sermon about how the beloved plastic exploits of these not-yet-drinking-aged reptiles sported some fairly ridiculous garbs during that time. It’s easy to judge Playmates, a company whose creatives had to keep pumping out figures long after the show’s content finished giving them material to base them on. Frankly, despite their commonly ridiculous nature, they were all sort of cool in their own way.
So instead, we’re going to thank them for enhancing our Ninja Turtle-related memories with these crazy figures by rounding up 10 we’d love to see appear as guests at a TR-sponsored costume party. So enjoy and don’t forget, this party is an anchovy-free zone!
10) Don, the Undercover Turtle
Yes, the cardback features Donatello proudly proclaiming, “I like my pizza shaken not stirred!” – a line that probably wouldn’t break the ice with any fellow guests at this fictitious shindig, and indicates that he’s clearly confusing his attire with the fittings of someone more, shall we say, dapper.
That said, the included accessories compliment the fedora and trench coat ensemble nicely, and even though the title on the package could easily be exchanged with “Don, the Turtle Exhibitionist” the extra-bearded Groucho Marx mask would ensure that he’d make a fun guest at our fall festivity despite his costume’s lack of pants.
9) Bride of Frankenstein April
Because it wouldn’t be a Halloween party without the Turtles’ favorite news reporter, Bride of Frankenstein April just has to make the cut if for no other reason than the attention paid to the hair alone. Way to commit, Ms. O’Neil!
8) Heavy Metal Raph
Thanks to his zebra-print pants, sweet guitar and spare set of vinyls, this awesomely 80s rock inspired Raphael would make a shredding good time of a guest at any mutant-friendly Halloween gathering. Luckily for fellow party attendees, Heavy Metal Raph’s normally dangerous sai have been converted into drumsticks with rounded tips in case he goes on an uncontrollable cocaine binge to complete his foray into ’80s metal.
7) T.D. Tossin’ Leo
T.D. Tossin’ Leo makes the cut because every October masquerade needs a guy who thinks dressing in sports apparel is a costume. We understand why memories of former K-12 student athletes drunkenly reliving their glory days by showing up in their ill-fitting uniforms and making unwanted advances might be scary enough for some of you. Those looking for a more traditionally horrifying version of the Ninja Turtles’ true blue leader, though, should definitely check out Creature from the Black Lagoon Leonardo.
6) Raph as The Mummy
Raphael bandaged up as The Mummy reminds us of some form of bizarro combination between the Turtles’ resident tough guy and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (or was that Michelen?), and perhaps that’s why we like him so much. Regardless, undead Raph is pretty sweet.
5) Invisible Man Michaelangelo
While his “costume” would be pretty hard to pull off sans head wrap without actually being, y’know, invisible, that doesn’t make the invitation of see-through Mikey to our party any less of a reality. Extra points for wearing the ninja gear over the suit and tie.
4) Cave-Woman April
For the April appreciators out there with more risqu? taste in costuming, we present Cave-Woman April in cheetah bikini. While most of our guests would gladly welcome her to the party, she can probably leave the “radical raptor” at home, as being radically eaten alive is not among our favorite pastimes.
3) Rappin’ Mike
Equipped with sweet microphone nunchuku, cymbal shields and a turntable, one doesn’t need to check the huge clock hanging around his neck to know that all the time is party time with Rappin’ Mike around. In retrospect, it’s almost disappointing that it wasn’t this version of Mikey who joined Vanilla Ice on stage in The Secret of the Ooze. If there has to be a Ninja Rap, might as well go all in, right?
2) Star Trek Turtles
This is one of those strange-yet-amazing crossovers that could probably only have originated in the toy universe, just as it did when Playmates scooped up the Turtles from their sewer abode and jettisoned them into space. We don’t know how we’d choose one Starfleet Academy-trained Turtle over the next in this case, so we’ll let their star cruising alter egos (complete with human hair stylings, and in Don’s case, Vulcan ears, naturally) of the fab four share a spot. Suffice to say, if any Topless Roboteers showed up to our party dressed as Ninja Turtles in authentic garbs from Star Trek, they’d be taking home a TR shirt, at least!
1) Don as Dracula
We really can’t imagine a more perfect fit for numero uno of disguised invitees to our Halloween bash than Don decked out as the Dark Prince himself. We love the black and purple color scheme, and check out the fangs and expression! Cool! While we don’t know if vampire Donny should be carrying around a wooden stake, the fact that he glows in the dark more than makes up for it. The only glaring omission: a voice chip to denounce man as nothing more than a miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk – have at you!