Menu

Worst Halloween Costume: And the Winners Are…


02189163.jpg

?Did everyone have a good Halloween? I did, although I didn’t really do anything for Halloween other than go to a bar, drink, stare at people in costumes and get shitty service because it was Halloween in Washington DC on the same day as the Stewart/Colbert rally and every bar in the capital was beyond packed (normally I would drink at home, alone, in the dark, without pants on, as Evil flying Jesus intended, but I had a friend in town).

Since I wasn’t at a party with interesting people, I didn’t really see any interesting costumes, certainly nothing as “interesting” as what you guys posted. Of course, many of your ideas fell into that so-awful-it-actually-becomes-awesome trap, and people looking for clever costumes for next Halloween could do worse than scanning the results. I could’ve marked them myself, but that would’ve required extra effort, and since about 100 of you suggested costumes based around me giving oral sex to Joss Whedon, I’m not that inclined to help you out (you horrible bastards). Now, shall we?


Remember, I decided I’d be giving a shirt to the worst overall costume idea, and the worst TR-related costume idea. First the Worst Overall Costume Honorable Mentions:


MattK said:

Tarot in size XXXL for men.


Paul said:

And for the exceptionally offensive, A Bob-Omb dressed like a suicide bomber, complete with dynamite vest.


Shulkie said:

“Sexy” Modok costume. For the ladeeez.


Tater said:

Tim Burton’s Superman costume


Gasstank said:

Dressing up as a giant D20. Not only will every other child and parent you come across openly mock and beat you but you can guarantee that there will always be at least one asshole that will try and roll you until he scores a Crit.


SpiderHyphenMan said:

Sexy Island from Lost


Tales to Enrage said:

Yellow Claw. Try explaining that one to people. It won’t get better.


Nostromo’s Second Android said:

Ziggy costume. All’s ya need is a small red shirt and a razor.


Steve C. said:

The baby from ERASERHEAD. It would be an amazing costume if you could pull it off… but you won’t. And even if you do, where are you going? You’re wrapped in bandages up to your neck. And not in the cool, creepy Karloff-mummy sort of way, but in the immobilized burn-patient sort of way. So your choices are half-ass it and look like a dork in gauze or nail it and have no fun at all.


Punch Yourself said:

1. Sexy Harry Knowles (which would could also double as a Sexy Little Louie costume)
2. Sexy Snarf


MuscaDomestica said:

Slutty Version of your first childhood film. ie Slutty Petry from Land Before Time.


Sping said:

The Green Goblin as designed by Julie Taymor.


Robot Chubby said:

Your head is George Lucas’ anus the rest of your body is Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker.


Dane said:

Sexy Stephen Hawking. There you go.


jidasfire said:

Sexy Baby Red Skull, with stick-on swastika tramp stamp.


Clockwork Smurf said:

I apologize in advance.
Arcee’s robot vagina from Transformers Three – has Chevy logo as the “man in the boat” and John Turturro;s legs sticking out of its gaping maw. At some point it explodes.


tredlow said:

Slutty Slitheen.
Slutty George Lucas.


katie said:

Dress as your original fan-fiction or roleplay character. Then you’ll have to spend all night explaining to people that no, you’re not Harry, Ron, Hermionie, Fred, George, Ginny, Seamus, Neville or any other extremely minor character, you’re Raven McMoonstone, a recent transfer to Hogwarts from the Witch’s Academy in Salem … excruciatingly embarrassing for all parties involved.


Boredlizzie said:

Dress up as the cast of “Jersey Shore” dressed up as the cast of “Star Wars.” You will need orange body paint, ratty wigs, false noses, and to be prepared to take on names such as Han “The Situation” Solo. (Now I must go take a long shower and say a few Hail Marys . . .)

And now the Worst TR-related Costume Honorable Mentions:

BumblebeeZ3 said:

Jump into a wood-chipper so you don’t exist anymore and you can go as the Ball in Slutball.


Palad said:

The worst costume I can think of: wearing a Rob Bricken costume to Joss Whedon’s Hallowe’en party. That would really suck. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.


Modokslover said:

A giant Potimus Prime costume made from cardboard, lovingly detailed, including a back that opens, powered by a garage door opener, revealing a shining shrine to Shia The Beef, as Star Wars music Plays and a tiny R2 figure zips around on a tiny racetrack.


Master Splinter is disappoint said:

For the girls: Wear a purple shirt with lettering on the front that read “I Love Life” in pink letters, blue jeans and sporty tenny shoes. Also you get bonus points if you walk around with one of these.

mrm1138 said:

The main character from the E.T. porno. (By which I mean the female E.T. who gets banged by all the 19th century Germans.)


Barry Convex said:

Bukkake Ruler


kegs said:

Buy an elaborate child’s dollhouse. Modify it so you can wear it and the put on a judge’s wig and carry a gavel. There. Now you’re a Honourable Mansion


FakeEyes22 said:

Easy. An oldie, but goodie
1) Stuff a bunch of newspaper into some of your old clothes from middle school, completing the dummy with a crude head, gloves, shoes, wig of short blonde hair and a striped green scarf.
2) Position the dummy, kneeling, on a skateboard. Make sure you sharpie on a very sad face(this expression will be quite contagious as the night progresses)
3) Dress yourself as long haired adult wizard with dark robes.
4) Velcro your dummy’s sad, sad head to the front of your pants. Make sure it’s secure, you’ll be pushing this thing around with your crotch.
5) This is nasty, but necessary for your performance that sells the costume. Fill one of your right shoe with a mixture of Mac & Cheese and grape jam. When someone asks what you are, you will press your hips forward, bouncing your little companions head, while applying pressure to your right foot with each angry thrust.
6) “Squick, squick, squick, squick!”
7) Wait for police to arrive or kill yourself. There’s no getting out of this, you’ve strapped a faux Draco to your dick.


Rose Tyler said:

Walk around with a blank stare holding a mouse and a Star Wars action figure, and be a typical nerd that haunts this website, realizing, yet again, that you are not nearly clever enough for these damn contests. If you are over 21, drink copiously and drunkenly rant about how your brilliant haiku about Han shooting first was clearly superior to the one about red shirts being doomed to die.
Shout, “Fuck you, Rob!” at the top of your lungs. Repeat often.
*Sigh* Fuck you, Rob. Fridays break me.


Robot Chubby said:

Joss Whedon wearing an I heart topless robot T-shirt. And his dick is the spaceship Serenity.


Scooter Atreides said:

Dress as a nude, underage, anthropomorphic aardvark greased up with cooking oil and wearing a fake pig snout.
When people ask what you’re supposed to be(and they certainly will), declare with pride: “I’m Swift Sausage!
When people call the police(and they certainly will), make sure you remembered to accessorize your costume with a good pair of running shoes.


Crazy Elf said:

Super Sayjin Hitler holding a piece of Goku’s clothing and a copy of Anne Frank’s diary.


TheOceanSaysYes said:

Wear a mask and have a laptop with you, make sure you have FFF pulled up. It doesn’t matter what kind of mask- gimp, hockey, whatever. When someone asks you who you are answer with. “Abraxas”
I’ll leave it up to the imagination on whether or not you’re wearing just a mask.
Bonus points if you can quote his fics without looking at the screen.


j m said:

Couples Costume: Gardevoir and random Pokemon trainer. This one is the worst, and I’ll tell you why: Because one of us Roboteers will likely see it worn, and immediately think: “After trick or treating, he’s going to rape her to death, kill a nurse, and then cut off his junk”


NotNerdy’Nuff said:

FFF costume: Rebirth fetish. Strap pillow to abdomen under shirt. Strap tape recorder to pillow. Make recording of person with baby-like voice screaming things like, “waah, I’ve been shoved inside a vagina! Waah!

And now the winners for each:


Div said:

Sexy Arseface from “Preacher.” The trend seems to be towards “sexy (insert nerd character here)” costumes, so why not move into popular Vertigo titles? I picture it being your standard Arseface (puckered lips dripping green goop, the whole thing), but with more cleavage.

I’m honestly surprised more people didn’t go for the “Sexy whatever” costume ideas. The ones who did managed to create some staggeringly evil ideas — Sexy Harry Knowles and Sexy Stephen Hawking especially — but no costume idea makes me vomit more than Div’s suggestion of a Sexy Arseface. Well done, I guess. You’re an evil, awful person.


Steve C. said:

Nurse Joy’s cervix.

Boosh. Honestly, I’m not even sure how this costume would work, but everything I even try to picture it — is a regular Nurse Joy costume but holding her bloody, forcibly removed cervix? Is it a life-sized cervix costume, with a little nurses cap and pink wig? — I start weeping in misery, which I figured earned the win. If I ever thought about holding an official TR costume party, now I know I absolutely shouldn’t. Thanks for entering, everybody!