Nerd Year Resolutions ’11: And the Winners Are…


?Let me begin these contest results with a cop-out — every one who’s made an actual, nerdy, New Year’s resolution is a winner. I hope everyone that resolved to lose weight, talk to members of the opposite sex, promised to chill out about the things that become obnoxious nerds, or plan to finish projects, sticks by and completes those resolutions. I’m rooting for each and every one of you. Everyone who made a joke resolution, thank you, because otherwise the results would’ve been painfully earnest.

I begin with this warning for two reasons: first, judging these resolutions with any kind of actual impartiality is impossible. All your resolutions are worthwhile, none more than the other; yet I had to narrow them down to a manageable number of Honorable Mentions, so the only way I could do that is because I thought they were funny or pithy or something struck me about them. Doesn’t mean the other couple hundred resolutions aren’t valid or just as worthwhile as what I’ve picked for the HMs. Just means I had to pick some. Second: the same is true for the winners, only moreso. You’ll see what I mean.


LobsterKing42 said:

Start reading all FFF posts on Monday instead of Friday so I don’t go around the weekend knowing it’s been tainted by tentacle car rape.

Master Splinter is disappoint said:

To quit trying to get a TR T-shirt… I know I won’t win, so I might as well quit before I realize that kicking Stephenie Meyer in the nutsack is more plausible than me winning a Topless Robot T-shirt.

Bartok Plunkett said:

I resolve not to get all “Misery” and take George RR Martin hostage in Pasadena day after tomorrow when he is signing my copy of The Hedge Knight. Even though I am really, really ready for that next Fire & Ice book. And I have a secure attic room. And I bet he’s geeky enough to fall for a Vulcan nerve pinch. But no. My 2011 resolution is to let him finish the damn books in peace.

Kyle Amato said:

My resolution is to go to college in the fall and put up my Labyrinth poster without shame.

Ms Weirdo II said:

experience jelly babies.

Dave said:

My resolution is to throw out my Aquaman pajamas before my girlfriend finds out about them.

Punch Yourself said:

I resolve to foil Jerry at every turn.

Lady Truth said:

I resolve to actually finish writing a story for once. Also, I resolve to try to maintain some decorum when Pokemon Black/White comes out. And lastly, I resolve to get some guts and actually ask SOMEONE out on a date. Really. Preferably someone who won’t punch me in the face this time.

cloney said:

this year i resolve to spend less time and money on drinking and womanising and more on comics and toys

Lord Alvarez said:

Last year it was to ask this one girl out. Well she and her parents turned out to be religious crazy people that attempted to convert me…so that obviously didn’t pan out.
It’s all good because I actually did ask out a friend I’ve known for 3 years and her and I are currently in a relationship.
So that brings me to my resolution. Mine is nerdy but kind of the opposite. I vow to not force any of my nerdy obsessions on her. I mean she likes Lovecraft and Star Wars…but that’s it. In an attempt to not be one of those guys who shove things down peoples throats, I will leave it at that. I wont be making her watch Doctor Who, having her read comics and etc…Unless she asks then I will oblige. I just don’t wanna be one of those nerds who tries to make his girlfriend as nerdy as him, which just ruins things. I like her for who she is.
So basically I’m not going to be a stupid nerd that ruins his own relationship for the sake of a girl knowing the difference between Alan Scott and Hal Jordan.
I hope that made sense.

y2jbrak said:

I vow to get a TR shirt this year. I have had 7…SEVEN motherfucking honorable mentions and no shirt. So last year I gave you my heart and the very next day Bricken you gave it away. I want my shirt and I will be funny and charming or rude and crass if need be. Its up to you. Oh yeah never seen the Trons but will watch them both for a shirt. That work Mr. Fancy Blog Man!?! I am a nerd girl saying that and not a fat 30 year old guy. Where is my shirt?????

Hyperkid37 said:

I look to sustain a powerful enough concussion in my bathroom so that I can, one day, invent the Flux Capacitor.

tasakeru828 said:

Wow, there’s a lot of people resolving to start/finish their writing projects… go to it, guys!
That said, I humbly resolve to continue shamelessly promoting my web novel series, found at TASAKERU.COM, which is now nearing 20,000 page views and has been described by people who are not my mother as “wonderfully written”, “thought-provoking”, and “phenomenal”.

Beatle Aaron said:

I resolve to stop verbally abusing my son for his absolute love of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies.
Or at least try.
Damn it! He’s 18 now! It’s time he realized those movies sucked ass!

The_Shrubbery said:

I resolve to dress my child up as a moogle and/or cactuar to supplement not MINE..but my best friend’s Lulu costume….LIVE ACTION MOOGLE FTW….also….at 18 months old she is trainable in the arts of knee-whacking, so she really is a viable weapon.

Saiyandide said:

I will foster and nurture my 2 year olds new found love of batman and keep him on the path to nerddom, and continue to praise my 6 year olds bashing of episode one and Jar Jar. (Dad don’t mind when he says bastard in this one instance)

Krystal said:

To perfect the delicious, but healthy snack conversion for game nights. We all need to eat better and I really want to be able to cosplay Tifa for this year’s anime convention. Luckily no one has noticed that I’ve been using healthy substitutes in the weekly cupcakes I bake, so one step closer!

DJRM said:

My contest entry is in video form.
You can find it here on youtube.
I resolve to work on and finish all of the projects listed in that video.
These projects include:
My novel A Space Story (still can’t come up with a better title)
My World of Warcraft machinima webs series Troll Story and all of its spin offs and specials.
Make more Rogue Talk and Ragnal and Kitzer videos.
Take my Americanism the movie project and turn it into my Amerocanism the web series project.
Find some artists to help me build The Vicious Planet.

Graysha said:

I, Graysha, do hereby solemnly resolve to read the entire Belgariad to my son at bedtime. Not in one sitting, of course. And to play a game of Thud.

Kris (and also Chris) said:

I’d like to get cracking on a baby nerd this year. We’ll get him/her started early; I’ll play Monty Python movies through headphones right into the womb. Quieteyes can get those little Star Trek onesies from Think Geek, but I will never ever allow my nerd-baby to wear the red one. I’ll make a little mobile of X-Wing Fighters for the crib, and never ever ever allow my child to be exposed to Episodes I, II, and III. We will teach our little nerdling to read “Where’s My Cow?” and instill pride in the traditions of our people. How’s that for a resolution?

Poet_Knight said:

I’m going to be the adventure king !!!!

Ronald Tadur said:

In 2011, I resolve to take a few moments during activities to love it when a plan comes together.

The Amazing Rando said:

My resolution is to have a Third child with my wife Jamie so I can complete my Mystery Science Theater 3000 child name set. So far my first child was a girl named Gypsy Samantha Smith. My first son is named Tom Servo Smith, and yes that is his actual whole name. To complete the set I need to have another son. I hope that this year we will have another child so that, Michael Crow Nelson Smith will walk this Earth.

Klein said:

Actually watch all of the Star Wars films… I’ve attempted to watch them appease my man a few times, unfortunately he has read the Expanded Universe and books upon books about Star Wars and he wants to share his advanced knowledge with me about the films while we are watching them. Every 30 seconds or so in the film he pauses and launches into further explanation about whatever (mainly extremely minor background characters). So this year I am going to have to learn a near infinite amount of patience to actually sit through and watch the films with him with his further information or I am going to have to buy some duct tape in order to watch the films uninterrupted.

Ordinary Gentleman said:

I resolve to finally fulfill my dream of pulling off a successful Falcon and/or Dragon Punch in a fight.

stump said:

My resolution is to stop procrastinating and actually send my comments to competitions in time

Posted 01/10/2011 at 09:31:16 AM

And now, the winners. Again, I can’t honestly say that these resolutions are more valid than the ones listed above, or the ones entered in the contest but not listed above. But I had to pick some winners, and these are the entries that stood out to me.

anonymouse said:

My goal?
Get my senior thesis approved. What is my thesis, you ask? I’m an American Studies major, and I want to analyze the nerd in American culture.
Yes, this does involve some “field study” – a.k.a. getting my university to pay for a trip to SDCC so I can “observe the nerd in its native environment.”
Basically, I have the opportunity to spend an entire year writing a paper on the sh*t I do every day, and I will try my damnedest to make it happen. Ah, the life of liberal arts.

Having written a nerd thesis myself, and being genuinely, terrifyingly interested in the social causes and ramifications of nerdery, I felt I had to support my fellow nerd-scholar anonymouse with a shirt. Also, if she manages to get her university to pay for her to go to SDCC, that would legendary.

goog said:

I resolve to mail my husband shots of me dressed as Slave Leia while he’s deployed. In the same envelope will be that brilliant fff by comicsnix about Lei, Optimus Prime. And R2-D2. Horniness won’t be a problem for him overseas.

Oh, come on. Like I couldn’t reward this loving, nerdy wife for her sweet, sexy, ridiculously clever plan. The Slave Leia pics are sweet and sexy, obviously, but sending a copy of FFF to make sure her husband doesn’t find the pics too sexy? Brilliant.

Uberchief said:

I resolve to make love to my wife while singing “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins.”

Since Uberchief is clearly going to get divorced later this year, I thought I might as well send him a shirt for his impending troubles. Also, Uberchief: Video or it won’t have happened.

Thanks to everyone who entered, and again, to everyone who put in a  serious resolution to better themselves  or create something (science fiction stories or babies), I’m rooting for you. If I could, I’d give you all shirts… upon proof of completion of your resolutions, of course. I can’t, but I’d like to. However, if you do end up completing your resolution, and want to commemorate it, feel free to send me some proof and I’ll post it on TR. Good luck!