?Let me tell you what a stupid motherfucker I am.
I honestly thought that this Art Contest would be easier to judge than regular contests. I figured that by requiring you guys to draw/paint/photoshop/whatever something instead of just blather in the comments, I’d cut down on entries considerably, and thus make it easier to judge, taking less time and effort, exactly what I wanted over the holidays.
As it’s now January 4th, you can probably tell how that worked out.
I actually did get less entries than usual — about 175 or so. But I failed to foresee how much work it would take to download them all to judge, which took so much more time than reading contests with twice the entries. Also, while I may bitch about written entries being hard to judge, I at least have experience making tough calls with those. Art? NO EXPERIENCE AT ALL. In fact, as I write this intro, I still haven’t picked all the winners, although I plan to have it done before I write the end.
You’ve waited long enough. Shall we?
I’ve divided the entries into Drawings and Mixed Media, Mixed Media being “everything else.” If you feel something’s in the wrong category, don’t stress about it; it really had no bearing on anything. Also, if you’re wondering why some excellent pieces that were submitted aren’t included, here’s some possible reasons:
? They forgot the “TR,” which lets me know it was made for the contest
? The art was made prior to the contest, and just had a TR clapped on it (yeah, I checked)
I tried to give everybody the benefit of the doubt, so everyone was innocent until proven guilty. Some people made art they didn’t want to sully with a TR on it, and thus just photoshopped the logo on, which was fine by me. Now let’s start with the Honorable Drawings:
Yes, that’s really me.
?The “TR” is actually part of the rain on the left. Very classy, Doc.
Dreg, “Breakfast at Leia’s”:
?Me as a Na’vi? Someone fetch the smelling salts for Abraxas. Actually, here, I’m not nearly so upset about being drawn fat as being drawn with a receding hairline.
?Even I’m ashamed at how much a TR-colored Franky from One Piece delights me.
More entries on the next page.
Kyball, “Solo, Han Solo”:
?Kyolin assures me that the pudgepot on the right is me. While I’m overweight, I disagree that I look like a miniature sumo wrestler. And why a pink Mickey Mouse is attacking me, even Kyolin doesn’t know.
?One of several drawing of the TR faithful. I’m the one holding hands with the Topless Robot. Note: I’m overweight but not to Buddha proportions, my hair is fine, and I’m drinking. Verdict? Most accurate representation so far.
Franky holding the Matrix of Leadership rocks my fucking world.
Mythbri, “Night Watch”:
Mythbri drew this amazing group picture of the stars of Terry Pratchett’s book Night Watch. She listed them all out, but I don’t room for it. Maybe she’ll be kind enough to explain in the comments?
?Yes, that’s apparently Castor from Tron: Legacy giving me a lapdance. Hey, at least Snoodle drew me thin.
“Mixed Media” entries and winners on the next page.
Now, for the Honorable Mixed Media:
As nerds, I assume most of you are away of anime girl representations of things. ? made not only TR
-tan, but then dressed her up in a series of Lum and Tifa from FF7
cosplay. I’m savings those pics for… research purposes.
?Much thanks to 7ate9
for sending pics of her Tank Girl cosplay. She wasn’t the only cute girl who sent me pics, but the drawings of penises still far outnumbered them (sigh).
Coconut Monkey, “Fringe TR”:
?Take a moment to click the image and expand it to see what TR would look like in Fringe‘s parallel universe. The DVD Day is especially haunting.
?Yes, those are little plush octopuses of Spock and the 11th Doctor. The little fez just kills me.
Juggernaut Class, “Reckoning”:
?Sarah Jane sent in many better pictures of this little TR-adorned hat, but I preferred to run the one where a cat is wearing it.
?I love this little webcoming tale about introducing a novice into the mysteries of FFF, but it’s incredibly long, so please click on the image to expand and read it.
Now for the winners!
Empty Cortex, “Topless Robots”:
?Count this as the winning “clever” entry. The fact that V.I.C.I. from Small Wonder is in there — looking for all the world like the severed torso of a regular child — is enough reason for me to send Empty Cortex a shirt.
Fish Himself, “My Friday Afternoon”:
?I don’t know what category this might count as, but I love the hell out this. Honestly, it’s the pic I’d want most on my fridge. I figured that was worthy of a shirt.
?There were a lot of amazing entries, as you’ve seen, but I make to give this pic the winner of the “actual talent” category. Am I biased because it appears to be a topless robot? Possibly — almost certainly, actually — but it’s still an amazingly striking piece. I like to imagine that’s the physical representation of what I write on TR, which means she’s almost certainly screaming about Mattel and the Masters of the Universe Classics figures. And she’s so mad!
JPyke drew both Tron hotties, Quorra and Yori from the original. That’s good panderin’! Please note: The “Best Pandering” award is wholly dependent on the owner sending me the pics for my own personal “use.”
?I did say photographs were okay, and the fact that edgreen86 forced poor Len Wein — Len Wein, the guy who co-created Wolverine — to take a picture while holding those ridiculous signs is truly a feat worthy of a shirt. Plus, I’d love to get you guys in the habit of forcing nerd celebrities to hold up Topless Robot-related signs. Shirts might be offered in exchange for such pictures. Just sayin’.
So thanks to everyone for entering, and thanks for not eviscerating me for being so late with the results. After seeing the entries, I hope you understand, at least a bit. For those without any artistic talent, rest assured that there will be a new TR contest this weekend, and it’ll be all writin’ based, as per usual.