The 10 Lamest Horror Movie Slashers

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?Freddy Kruger. Jason Voorhees. Michael Myers. They’re some of the most memorable horror villains since the era of the Universal monsters, and along with a handful of other legendary characters helped to popularize the sub-genre known as the slasher movie. But of course, anytime something cool comes along, a dozen lame-ass imitators follow, and slasher flicks are certainly no different.

There are hundreds of slasher movies out there, featuring hundreds of homicidal maniacs, each with their own shtick. Some are great and terrifying. Some are dumb and silly. Most are somewhere in between. But these guys… these guys just suck at being terrifying murderers, either because they’re not scary, or because they’re not effective, or — often — both. We’re proud to present our list of the 10 Lamest Horror Movie Slashers, with one important caveat — we’ve (largely) ignored the glut of direct-to-DVD slasher flicks that have popped up in recent years. After all, it wouldn’t be fair of us to make fun of The Seamstress before we’ve seen the movie, and we haven’t been drinking enough to watch that yet.

10) Gingerdead Man, The Gingerdead Man and The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust
Okay, we couldn’t completely stay away from direct-to-video garbage. Consider Mr. Gingerdead Man your representative of the entire DTV genre. A movie based on a bad joke (Gingerbread totally sounds like GingerDEAD! *bong hit*), The Gingerdead Man is one of those lame comedy/horror hybrids that’s neither funny nor scary. And how you manage to take Gary Busey, cast him as a homicidal baked good and end up with something neither funny nor scary is beyond us.
9) The Dentist, The Dentist and The Dentist 2: Brace Yourself

The Dentist is here to represent the whole “Take a profession and make it evil” school of horror filmmaking. He’s a dentist (obviously) who goes nuts when his wife cheats on him and starts killing people. That’s all well and good, but the shortcoming of an evil dentist movie is that you have to come up with increasingly contrived reasons to put victims into the Dentist Chair of Doom (patent pending). He’s the only villain in this article whose entire operation could be undone by bad reviews on Angie’s List.
8) Jacob Goodnight, See No Evil

See No Evil was a film created by WWE Productions, so it’s no shock that it was a piece of crap. In fact, the most surprising thing about it was that it was just so lazy. Most slashers have a gimmick – bladed glove, hockey mask, guitar with a drill on it, etc. See No Evil baddie Jacob Goodnight was a big, bald, borderline retarded guy with sexual issues, as demonstrated in this scene. Part of the fun of slasher movies is rooting for the bad guys, but there’s just nothing likable about Jacob, from his uncreative name to his equally uninspired “it’s laundry day” look. He’s the closest thing the horror genre has ever produced to 100% Pure Generic Villain.
7) Horace Pinker, Shocker

Wes Craven made it no secret that he was hoping Shocker became a hit horror movie franchise — he felt that he didn’t earn as much from the Nightmare on Elm Street movies as he should have. But a long-running Shocker series was never meant to be – an executed TV repairman who turns into electricity and can possess people doesn’t have the same appeal as “dude who kills you in your dreams.” Nerd-favorite actor Mitch Pileggi tried his best, but couldn’t pull off the combination of generic tough guy voice, day-glo orange jumpsuit and nonsensically inconsistent powers. Plus, when you Google his name, you get this.
6) The Leprechaun, Leprechaun 1-6
Like The Gingerdead Man, the Leprechaun movies tried to balance being funny and scary and managed to achieve neither. And while the Leprechaun himself may have magic powers, there’s never been another horror movie villain with so many weaknesses. Four-leaf clovers kill him. So does iron. He can easily be distracted by gold and must shine any pair of shoes that’s thrown at him


5) The Fisherman, I Know What You Did Last Summer 1-3

Honestly, you could swap out The Fisherman with any horror movie villain introduced since Scream. They’re all a bunch of lame, usually mute killers with increasingly strained gimmicks. Like The Fisherman here. He’s got a big hook and he wears a raincoat. Scary. Here’s what he would look like without the magic of cinematography:

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?It’s hard to be terrified of someone when it looks like they’re going to sell you fishsticks at any moment.

4) Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 1-3Another example of the ill-fated “evil job” school of horror movies, the Maniac Cop is like a character your eight-year-old self would create. He could have easily been “Killer Garbageman” or “Bad Mailman.” Anyway, despite the uniform, the undead Maniac Cop is actually “Maniac Ex-Cop” or “Maniac Guy Who Owns A Cop Uniform.” Keeping this guy on the payroll would be a serious legal issue for the NYPD. And maybe we’re being too particular about this, but slashers should never just shoot their victims with a gun. We watch these movies for creative kills, dammit!
3) Santa Claus, Various

Santa Claus (or people dressed like him) has been the villain in several horror movies, including the five-part Silent Night, Deadly Night series, the Bill Goldberg-starring Santa’s Slay, Christmas Evil, and many more. We get the joke. Instead of Santa being friendly, he’s a killer. Guess what? Taking a children’s character and making him evil is neither clever nor subversive. Although we have to admit that we do want to see this
2) The Trickster, Brainscan

For some reason, the clip above replaces the song from the original movie (Primus, FYI), but you get the picture. The Trickster is probably the most transparent attempt in history to duplicate a successful slasher villain, namely Freddy Krueger. Like Freddy, The Trickster is a deformed joke-spewing killer, but rather than appear in dreams, he emerges from
a video game. But unlike Freddy’s timeless creepy design, the producers of Brainscan opted to dress their villain like the dope-smoking sidekick character from a 1980s high school comedy. 
1) Dr. Giggles, Dr. Giggles

Dr. Giggles commits every slasher movie sin there is. It’s an evil job movie. It imitates better slasher movies (like Freddy, there’s a nursery rhyme about Dr. Giggles, and he’s prone to bad medical jokes). The killer’s quirk is lame and forced (he giggles a lot, get it?). It’s such a bad movie that it’s entertaining, but none of the enjoyment comes from its dud of a villain. Is it any coincidence that  Dr. Giggles and The Dentist both starred actors from L.A. Law? If Jimmy Smits or Harry Hamlin ever star as horror villains, it’s a fair bet that those movies will suck too.