Miscellaneous, Movies

Conan the Barbaric Leading Cause of Secondhand Smoke Inhalation

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A teaser trailer for the new Conan movie came out, and… well, it kind of sucks. I know teasers are supposed to tease, but this thing almost taunts: Would you like to see images from the movie? Too bad, you get smoke! Would you like to see Conan kicking ass? Well, too bad, because you get only a couple of seconds of him, striking a few poses and taking about what is best in life (i.e. “livin’, luvin’, slayin’.”). Look, I’m still looking forward to the movie — mostly because of the many screenshots that have been full of barbaric violence and naked ladies — and have hopes that it’ll be a good time at the least, but seriously, if this teaser was the first I knew of the movie, I’d be pretty put off. Hopefully whenever the real trailer comes out, it will set everybody’s mind at ease.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.