Jennifer Lopez Defeats Spider-Man

In order to celebrate the all-new, more sensible, less deadly Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark musical, Bono, the Edge and guys who plays Peter Parker/Spidey Reeve Carney went on American Idol and performed “Rise Above.” Maybe I’m just in a forgiving mood this morning, but honestly, I can’t work up any hate. I mean, “Rise Above” is a normal U2 song, whose only crime is that it appears to have nothing to do with Spider-Man. And I genuinely feel sorry for Reeve Carney now. Here’s this actor-singer who gets picked out of nowhere to be a star in what sounds like the most amazing musical of all time, and then he gets there, no only does he realizes it’s terrible, but he has to watch his fellow stage-mates have their skulls crushes for a year. He also had to deal with Julie Taymor’s megalomania and Bono and the Edge’s douchiness, and all he can do is keep playing along and hope that he still has a career afterwards. Look at his eyes, people. Those are the eyes of a man who does not want to spend another night with backing up Bono and the Edge, but has to if he ever wants to have a job in entertainment ever again.

Also, Jennifer Lopez, really? A dude drops out of the sky in front of you and you can’t even give him a quick peck? Even Steven Tyler would’ve ponied up more than that, if only in hopes of getting in the pants of some of the 18-year-old girls in the audience, later. Thanks to Andre for the tip.