Fan Fiction Friday: Tutenstein in “Ecstasy with the Dead”

I’m going to try something a little different today. Normally, I only run fan fics based on series I have at least a passing knowledge of, if only so I have more material to work with. But today’s FFF… well, I’d never even heard of this cartoon until Topless Roboteer Alex sent me this fic by MoonlitBlood525. Surely some of you have seen Tutenstein — surely — but for all those who haven’t:

? Tutenstein is a 10-year-old Egyptian pharaoh who died 3,000 years ago and is now magically reanimated in modern… uh, New York City, I guess.
? Yes, that means that Tutenstein is the mummified corpse of a child.
? His friend is Cleo, a 12-year-old lover of all things ancient Egyptian.
? Cleo has a cat named Luxor who talks and ostensibly serves Tutenstein.
? Although most of the characters in the cartoon look reasonable, Tutenstein and Cleo’s heads are shaped like partially melted Milk Duds, and thus are even more unerotic than standard FFF fare.

Don’t believe me? Watch the clip:

Now, are those two characters you want to read about having graphic sex? I sure hope so!

Tut was walking solemnly around his tomb. It was a boring Friday night. He wanted Cleo to come; he wanted somebody, anybody to talk to. To add to his misery, it was raining so he seriously doubted Cleo would show.

Also he was the rotting corpse of a small child. That bummed him out a little, too.

“Well if Cleo can’t come to me then I’ll go to her.” With that he stormed out onto the drizzly streets of New York. The frigid winds brushed against his slender form sending chills through his decaying body. He rubbed his hands together; guess it really was cold huh? Little did Tut know was that Cleo was at home not feeling all that great.

*Cut Scene To Cleo’s House*

You know, when I see literary techniques like the “tell readers the setting is changing as if you were writing a script” I have to wonder why literary greats like Hemingway and Faulkner didn’t use it more.

Cleo sat on the couch reading a magazine and quietly listening to the television. Luxor, her unusual gray talking cat, jumped up on the couch and snuggled close. Cleo looked down at him and smiled and gently laid a hand on his furry head and scratched softly. Luxor purred.

“Why does puberty have to be such a pain Luxor? It’s horrible!” she sighed angrily.


“Well Cleo, I’m just a cat but puberty happens just as much to boys as it does to girls. It’s just that girls go through one thing that boys don’t.” Luxor yawned and then fell asleep.

Talking to your cat about your period: Sad Thing or Saddest Thing Ever?

Cleo placed a hand on her lower abdomen and clenched her teeth.

“Yea like me cause a few days ago I got my per….huh?” suddenly Cleo heard a loud sound coming from outside and looked at her open window. She just got up to close it when…

“Hello Cleo, my faithful servant.” Tut said popping his head through the window. Cleo jumped back and went pale. Tut entered her room and shook off unwanted water droplets.

“Tutenstein! What are you doing here?” Cleo glared at him.

“Well, I read that ridiculous Alice in Wonderland FFF and I thought I’d bring you a maxi-pad made out of my own bandages! Sorry they’re so dusty.”

“I wanted to know why you didn’t stop by the museum today, that’s all.”

“So you traveled half-way across the planet to find my house and ask me! Why couldn’t you have waited for tomorrow?”

I’ve only watched about five minutes of Tutenstein, but I was under the impression that Tutenstein’s museum was only a few blocks from Cleo’s apartment. I assume all the blood rushing from her vagina has made Cleo unable to approximate distances.

“Pharaohs get lonely and I missed you.” His eyes shifted to the floor.

“Well for you information Tut, I’m not feeling so great so just leave me alone!” she flopped down on the bed and held her stomach tight, yup the cramps were setting in, she groaned. There was no way Tut was gonna find out why she was sick.

Why not? You told the goddamn cat. Why not the mummy?

“But Cleo…”

“Tut! Just go away!” Yelling didn’t make things any better and the pain was overwhelming. She did the only thing she could do…….she cried into her pillow.

“Cleo?” Tut walked over to the bed and sat down and placed a hand on her. “What’s wrong?”

“Is it your period, Cleo? Look, no problem. I know an ancient Egyptian cure — all we have to do is embalm your vagina.”

“Tut, its personal, plus I’m not sure you would understand.” She continued to cry.

Seeing as Tutenstein theoretically has no blood in his body, and is a boy, I’d say that’s a pretty safe guess, actually.

“I, the Pharaoh, understand everything!”

“Especially the ruddy flow between your legs! Like the mighty Nile, your river of blood is the source of life!”

“Yea, well you probably wouldn’t understand this so just drop it!”

“I’ll take you to see Imhotep! That’s it! He knows everything!” Cleo sat up, looked at him and blushed. She didn’t want that creep within 1,200,000,000 feet of her especially if he was gonna check in her panties. Ugh! No Way!

“Uhhhhh Tut I’ll pass, remember last time when he tried to kill me! Plus you promised you wouldn’t overreact.”

Uh, maybe my priorities are a bit off, but honestly I think the “trying to murder you” would be more of a problem than “potentially peeking in your panties” on the “reasons you don’t want to see Imhotep” scale.

“Oh yes that would be true. I’m sorry Cleo, I just get worried sometimes.” He pulled her into his warm embrace. “I just don’t want to lose you, you are my best friend.”

Cleo gasped and immediately pulled away and lay back down. Tut looked hurt but he was willing to do anything to help her, so he continued to press the matter.

“Cleo, why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” Cleo looked into his hollow eyes, they looked so sincere, but did she really want to tell Tut, the little mummified boy who managed to cause apocalyptic events almost every day of her life, that she had her *gulp* period?

“Cleo?” Tut questioned at the delayed answering time.

“Did you officially shoot down the vagina embalming idea? Because I still think that has a lot of merit.”

“Well,” she started looking nervous, Tut scoocloscloser to her. Ugh! This was so awkward! “I didn’t think you would understand. I mean, well, uhhh they didn’t teach you about uhhhh puberty back then did they?”

Scoocloscloser is the name of my next D&D character. Probably a wizard.

“Cleo, it’s kinda too late for that.” Tut snickered. Cleo looked exasperated.

“Wait….what do you mean?”

“I’m 10. Also I’m dead. Even if I could somehow get an erection it would probably snap like a dry twig at this point.”

“I mean that I already know about that stuff. It’s been 3,000 years but technically I’m not even a virgin.”

Oh, lord.

With that Cleo got up and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. She sat in the cold, empty tub and sobbed silently, hot tears streamed down her face, her heart was completely broken. Tut got up and walked to the door and rapped on it.

“Cleo? You ok? It wasn’t even my fault….I didn’t even want to! My father told me I had to start having sex at a young age to produce new heirs. I was pharaoh after all. If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t even like the woman whom I had to do it with.”

Yes, that information always makes women feel better.

“Well indulge me…..” Cleo said angrily between sobs, “Just how old was she huh Tut?”

“Ummm about 14, I think….but Cleo you’ve got to believe me, I didn’t like her at all….I’ve never cared about anyone as much as I care f….”

“Save it Tut! I’m not in the mood to talk with you anymore! Goodbye!”

“But Cleo…” He wiggled the doorknob and when that didn’t work he knocked a few more times.

“Yes, I had sex 3,000 years ago. Before I knew you. In fact before you were born. Also, and I hate to keep bringing this up, BUT I’M FUCKING DEAD NOW. Really, you can’t cut me a little slack here?”

There was nothing but silence. Tut sulkily climbed out her window and trudged back to the museum. He walked inside……silence everywhere. Everything seemed to remind him of what happened and he wished he hadn’t opened his big mouth, but everything came out of it was true…even the part that he didn’t finish. He walked to his sarcophagus and lifted the lid but before he hopped in, he looked to the window shining above his tomb.

“A lot of things have never made me happy and for the first time in my existence I have found true happiness
and I’m not willing to let it go.”

He jumped in and closed the lid waiting for tomorrowbegibegin.

Tomorrowbegibegin will be Scoocloscloser’s turkey familiar.

*Cut Scene To The Next Day*

Tut awoke from his sound sleep the next day wondering if what happened last night had just been some kind of horrible dream. He hopped out of his sarcophagus only to find Luxor staring into the mural on Tut’s tomb wall. What scared Tut the most was that this Luxor was still without a Cleo. Tut took a few steps towards Luxor and he quickly turned around.

“Why, good morning your royal decrepitude. What’s on the agenda for today?”

“Is Cleo still not feeling well?” Tut asked.

“She’s feeling better physically but something seems to have upset her and she won’t talk to me about it at all, after all I was asleep the whole time you were over.”

“I see, well then Luxor, I guess there’s nothing on the agenda today.” Tut looked down at his feet. “When can I see her?”

“I guess whenever you want. Maybe you can help cheer her up.”

“I suggest ice cream, Pamprin and foot massages, your majesty. It works in all the primetime sitcoms.”

Tut looked up and smiled at his faithful companion.

“I’ll do it! Come on Luxor!”

*Cut Scene To Cleo’s House*

*Dear Diary, I can’t believe Tut! I found out last night that he’s not a virgin and he claims that he didn’t like the girl he had to do it with. Yea right! That’s complete bullshit! He’s a guy and guys crave sex, I mean come on,



“I think I’m smart enough to add 2 and 2 together. Now I feel like another one of his little sluts, and I wonder just how many of them there really are! Like what 20?!? I feel like such a skank for even having a crush on him, he probably would have raped me or something…..*

Lady, you have a crush on THE CORPSE OF A SMALL CHILD. “Skank” is about #42 on your list of character flaws.

Cleo cried and ripped out the page of her diary angrily, crumpled it up and threw it in the nearby trashcan. It really wasn’t her fault she liked Tut, she hung out with him like every day.

“If only it could have been me instead of that lousy little whore!” She continued to cry into her pillow. She didn’t know that Tut was outside her window on the tree branch with Luxor listening to every word. He didn’t know Cleo thought about him like that.

“Oh I see, so that’s what’s going on. Well, I guess now I have an explanation for all the noise I have to suffer through every night.” Luxor said. Tut eyed him confused. “Uh, never mind your highness.”

I’m pretty sure the author is implying that 12-year-old Cleo is masturbating to the thought of Tut’s rotting flesh caressing her, but I’m going to pretend the cat means something else and I just don’t understand.

Tut turned his attention back to Cleo. She was so beautiful, he just had to make it up to her….but how?


“Uh-oh!” Tut screamed as the tree branch snapped and he held on for dear afterlife to the rest of the branch. Thankfully Cleo heard this. She raced to her window.

Oh no! He might fall and — and what? HE’S DEAD. Maybe you’ll have to glue some bits back on.

“Tut! What are you doing?!?” she grabbed a hold on his mummified hand and pulled him and Luxor in threw her window. Tut sat on the floor a little shaken up from what happened.

“So, you want to tell me what you’re doing here?”

“I brought some embalming fluid! Look, no pressure. But it’s here if you want.”

“I was coming to apologize to you. You never gave me a chance to explain what happened.”

“Tut, look, I’m sorry about the way I acted yesterday; I was just a little shocked and well umm a little jealous.”

“Look Cleo,” Tut took hold of her soft hands. “I never wanted to have sex with that girl, I never even liked her. It was only that one time and besides I had to so our blood could run in the throne for a longer time.

“Run in the throne”?

I was only trying to help my family and well, back then I had no idea I was going to meet a girl that I actually have fallen in love with. I have found happiness; I found you and I never want to let you go.”

Oh, god. It’s one of those stories. Cleo and the mummy boy aren’t just going to fuck, they’re going to make love. So much creepier.

Cleo’s eyes flooded with tears.

Much like her vagina had flooded with menstrual fluid earlier.

“Oh Tut! That’s so sweet!” She pulled him tight up against her body and stared into his eyes.

De veghe in sarcofag.jpg

?So dreamy!

 “Tut, I was jealous of that girl and I’ll admit that, it’s just that I would dream about you and I doing that stuff and I wanted it to be special, like you know the first time for both of us and I thought maybe it could actually come true, even though it never will.”

In Cleo’s defense, there is little that’s more disappointing than finding out the child’s corpse you want to have sex with isn’t a virgin.

Tut hugged her back.

“Well, do you still want to?”

Cleo gasped. Her mother had taught her about the dangers of pregnancy at an early age and Natasha had said she heard that it feels great but still it was a big step.


Was she truly in love with Tut? Did she really want this? Luxor jumped on her dresser.

“Oh and Cleo, lets not forget the noise every night. I can tell by the way you moan his name and probe yourself with your fingers at night just how much you think about the pharaoh.” Luxor chuckled.

Well, fuck. There goes that self-delusion.

Cleo blushed. She didn’t think Tut really needed to know that but oh well.

“So what do you say Cleo? Will you let me be yours?”

Cleo thought quickly and then answered. After all it wouldn’t be a bloody mess because her period luckily stopped the night before.

But it will still be kind of a mess BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO FUCK A DECOMPOSING BODY

“Yes I will, but please be gentle with me.”

“Of course I will my gorgeous Cleo.”

Cleo smiled. No one in her life had ever called her gorgeous.


?So gorgeous!

Cleo lay down on the bed and Tut straddled himself ov
er her. He saw the regular orange belly shirt. He kissed around her stomach and started to kiss up towards her chest. Cleo lifted her arms and Tut pulled the shirt over her head. He kissed every inch of skin he could see exposed and he decided that the space needed to be increased. He reached in back and unhooked her bra and removed it. He started to play with one breast and tease the other by licking her nipple with his moist green tongue.


“Oh Tut!”

Tut smiled, he aimed to please and with Cleo it had to be the greatest most pleasurable thing she could ever experience in her life.

Other than, you know, fucking another living being.

He stopped for a minute and Cleo put on her puppy-dog face.

“Why do you keep a puppy dog face in your bedside table?” Tut asked. “I’m a dead child you’re about to have sex with and even I find that fucked up.”

Tut quickly took off those bright purple pants she always wore. Her smile returned because he went to her chest. Her whole body ached for Tut to touch just a bit lower. While Tut toyed with Cleo’s tits, one of hisds sds snaked its way down to the rim of her panties and started to pull them down.

Just to make sure we’re abundantly clear: A 12-year-old girl is making out with the corpse of a 10-year-old. I really don’t want these facts to slip by you.

After he got those off, he looked at her naked, slender form and then kissed her hard on the mouth. There was some tongue action going on and it just felt great to be there. They broke the kiss and Tut just gazed at her amazing beauty.

“Tut, please…touch me..there.” She took a hold of his hand and guided it to her entrance.

“It’s a lovely door frame, but wouldn’t you rather me touch your vagina?”

Tut put his fingers right before her entrance before he jammed 3 of his 4 fingers up there.


He made a steady motion and Cleo had never felt such pleasure when she did it herself.

“Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooh! Yea Tut!”

I thought we needed a little mood music at this point.

She sprawled across her bed while Tut continued her immense pleasure. Tut put his other hand around her slender back and kissed her, after a little bit Tut stopped and brought his head down by her pussy and with a quick flick of his tongue and Cleo’s flinching, Tut knew he must of found her clit.

What? Don’t laugh. It’s been 3,000 years since Tut last had access to a vagina. Even a girl might have forgotten where the clitoris is at that point.

His tongue licked up and down her wet slit and sometimes he dove his tongue deep inside her. When she couldn’t take it anymore she let loose her clear fluids all over Tut’s face, he licked it all and continued. After awhile Cleo stopped him.

Someone needs to make a diagram of the female vagina as depicted in erotic fan fiction. Something so that when guys orgasm, the semen can shoot directly into the womb, and the vaginal canal needs to be able to accommodate two full fists at minimum. Oh, also, when women orgasm, they need some kind of extra sac that can shoot vaginal lubricant everywhere. BECAUSE THIS HAPPENS IN EVERY GODDAMN FFF I RUN.

“Cleo! Why did you stop me?” he asked, was something wrong? She smiled a seductive smile.

“The embalming fluid smell wafting from you is making me a bit dizzy. Let’s take a break for a minute.”

“It’s your turn.” They switched positions and Cleo moved her head down to Tut’s kilt and lifted it up and moved the bandages away. Tut blushed a slightly darker shade of green when Cleo pulled out his erect cock which happened to match his skin color.

I’m no Doctor, ladies, but I can safely say if a dude has a green penis, DON’T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH. Don’t put it anywhere, actually.

Tut looked at her pleadingly and Cleo slipped her mouth around it and sucked hard. Tut hadn’t felt this in such a long time and he gladly admitted, Cleo was greater than that 14 year old.


“Holy Osiris!” Tut gasped and with a few more minutes of long hard sucking Tut let his green seed go into her mouth and she licked every bit of it. Tut laid back on the bed feeling drained of his afterlife energy, he didn’t think he could go on until he saw Cleo looking down at him, desperate for more.

toht face melting.jpg


“Y-you ready Cleo?” he asked. She looked completely nervous but she nodded.

“Just remember…..please be careful.”

Me be careful? I’m the one whose junk is held together by Ace bandages. You be careful”

Tut sat on the edge of the bed and Cleo positioned herself over his cock. Her back was against his stomach and she looked back at him begging for gentleness. He nodded once more and eased himself into her tight, moist pussy. She tensed up and her vaginal walls clamped down causing extreme pleasure for Tut, it took all his will power to keep from humping her wildly. Tears streamed down the young girl’s face and Tut brushed them away and kissed her and told her to calm down and that everything would be fine.

Well, if you’re going to fuck an underage corpse, I guess it could be less romantic.

She did as she was told and the walls loosened their grip. Tut looked to her, practically begging with his glowing eyes if he could continue.

“Go slow.”

Tut did as he was told and went as slow as he could for a few minutes. Cleo moaned but wasn’t fulfilled enough.

“T-Tut! Tut! Go faster!”

Again he did as he was told and the moaning became louder and he heard his name more than he needed to.


Better? Stronger? Is Cleo fucking Daft Punk now? 

Again he followed her instructions and suddenly he was going faster than he thought possible. Another moan joined in and a couple gasps were added in there. Yup, the 10 well 3,010 year old boy pharaoh and 12 year old Cleo in their intimate glory.


Well glory for some but not for Luxor, who found a nice spot on the living room couch downstairs.

But the cat was licking its asshole, so he was doing all right for himself.

“C-Cleo! I-I can’t I can’t hold it in anymore!”

“Cum in me Tut! Please! Cum! Make me scream Tut! Please!”

“Ohhhhhhh Cleo!” He thrusted in as hard as he could and let out his green cum into her and some spilled out of the sides but still he kept humping trying as hard as he could to please Cleo.

“T-Tut *pleasured sigh* Oh My God! Ohhhhh! Oh you’re so good! Ohhhhh!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh Cleo! Ohhhh my, never have I felt such passion or lust!”

“Tut! I’m cumming! I’m cumming! Oh! Ahhhhhhhh!”

That was the first real orgasm Cleo ever experienced, aside from her fingering herself every night. She just felt true love and passion at the same time with a person know one even knew. Tut still kept humping her for as long as he could,
he had to keep going to please her. By now Cleo’s pussy was extremely sensitive and every time Tut thrust in she felt like she was going to come all over again.

“Oh yea Tut! God Damn It! Yes!”

“You like this Cleo….Ohhhhh damn it yes…oh Cleo your pussy is sooo tight!”

“Ohhhhhhh yes…..Tut! Oh shit yea Tut…I love it! Ohhhhh god please don’t stop!”

toht face melting.jpg




Thumbnail image for picard-facepalm.jpg

?The rare Toht – Head Asplode – Facepalm trifecta! The perfect marriage of wretchedness, insanity and embarrassing stupidity! I’ve never seen it before! And all it took was an incredibly long scene of two underage kids — one of whom is dead — making tender love to each other, and finishing it off with rotten, 3,000-year-old semen! Who knew that’s what would first earn this amazing achievement! Also, I’d like to point out, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Tut within time came again from all the pleasure and wished he wasn’t so tired so he could continue. Cleo came again as well and was totally drained. Tut withdrew his cock from her sticky orifice and lay next to her. Cleo went down and licked both of their fluids off Tut’s cock. She turned to him breathing heavily with loving eyes and kissed him hard on the mouth and he gladly returned the kiss.

“Did you like that Cleo?” He was blushing the darkest shade of green.


“Yea… was the best thing I’ve ever felt and the most erotic thing I’ve ever done…” She paused. “I’m glad my first time was with you though.”

“I thought about having sex with this other corpse I met at the morgue last year, but I think he just wanted me for my body. I’m glad I saved my necro-pedo-philiac virginity for someone special!”

“I am truly sorry about before Cleo…but I would never lie to you and I never meant to hurt you….I love you more than anything, you’ve got to believe that.”

“Also, this might not be the best time to mention this, but I think my semen might be green because I have a fungus in my scrotum. There’s was a… let’s just say a leak at some point in the 1200s.”

“I do Tut, I do believe you. I love you too and I’d want nothing more than to stay by your side forever and be there for you when you need me.”

If Tut could cry, he would of. He loved Cleo so much and would do anything to be with her.

Wait a second  — he can’t cry, but he can shoot ecto-cooler out of him embalmed cock? SIR, I DOUBT THE VERISIMILITUDE OF YOUR UNDERAGE MUMMY FUCK STORY

“Kiss me Tut…please…”

He pulled her into his embrace and then kissed her with such love and passion that she practically went limp.

“Cleo…may I ask you something?”

“Have you seen my fingers? The last time I saw them was right before I put them in your vagina.”


“Out of all the living people on this earth….why is it you chose me, the pharaoh?”

“It’s called a fetish, Tut.”

“You are the most special person in my life. You always want the best for me and you seem like you’re the only one that really cares about me and my safety. I’ll admit what I had for Jake was just a crush, nothing more, but it died. I then turned my attention to you and realized we had a lot in common and then it just clicked and I was head over heels in love with you.”

“I too will admit that what I had for Natasha was nothing but a “crush” as you say and it was only because I didn’t want to interfere with you and Jake’s relationship, I have more respect for you than to just walk in and break it up. But after Natasha left I felt depressed, dreaming somehow you could become mine, but naturally I didn’t think you’d want me anyways…In my dreams you would come to me but in real life I feared total rejection from you.”

I don’t really know anything about these other characters or the relationships in this show, but I find the rewriting of this incredibly stupid kids cartoon about a mischievous mummy and a sassy Egypt-loving preteen to be some kind of romance for the ages to be almost as perverse as the sex scene.

She looked at his eyes, they looked so sincere. She brushed his cheek gently with her hand and turned his face towards hers.

“Tut…look at me.”

He complied and she kissed him lightly, and stared into his eyes.

tut eyes.jpg


“I could never reject you Tut….I love you. She clutched onto his rotting bandages and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. He felt horrible that he wasn’t a virgin so he could rejoice with her that he lost it with someone special, although that would never be.


He loved Cleo with all of his heart and more and if he could change the past he would have already.

“Cleo…I still feel bad that I wasn’t a virgin for you…so sorry. But I, the pharaoh, know a way to increase your pleasure times 3.” Tut grinned and giggled to himself.


“Well, Tut. I’m happy with just you…but if you insist.” She smiled and buried her face into his chest.

“But…you must wait until tomorrow night, trust me, you’ll like this surprise. Well Cleo…I must be off so I can work on this surprise of yours.” He kissed her passionately on her bed and reached down and caressed her vagina which caused her to shiver and whimper.

There my fingers are! Say, do you have any superglue?”

She kissed back and held on, not wanting him to leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow my love.” He grinned as he got up off the bed and blew her a kiss from her nearby open window, and with that he slipped into the night. She laid there naked in the darkness of her room and the idea of what would happen tomorrow night pried at her mind.

Alas, we may never know, because the author has not yet written the second chapter of his Tutenstein love-sex epic. I’d like to think that Tutenstein is going to steal the dicks from two other mummies in the museum and glue them to his crotch, but that is admittedly pure speculation. As is, we should all be grateful that this horrible little piece of shit gave use the first Toht – Head Asplode – Facepalm trifecta, and should celebrate accordingly! I plan on drinking myself to death as soon as possible. Who’s with me?