Superman’s Movie Outfit Accentuates the Positive (I.e., His Penis)

?Hollywood Studio Exec #1: I’ve been thinking.
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: Really?
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: About Superman’s penis.
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: That makes more sense.
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: In Superman Returns, we paid a lot of attention to Brandon Routh’s package to make sure it wasn’t too obtrusive on screen.
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: I don’t remember that, but of course I’ve done mountains of cocaine since then.
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: Of course. Anyways, Man of Steel is a reboot, right? And we need to differentiate it from Superman Returns, right?
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: Right…
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: So doesn’t that mean we should highlight Henry Cavill’s junk as much as possible?
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: I like it. What are you thinking?
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: Maybe a big, glowing penis sticking out of the suit. Just a huge glowing dong that everyone can see.
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: I love it, but the censors might have a problem.
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: Oh. How about… we make everything on-screen blurry except for Superman’s package?
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: I don’t know, that sounds like a lot of CG work.
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: Yeah, you’re right.
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: How about… how about we get rid of the red underpants?
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: How would that help?
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: Well, without the underpants, you actually accentuate his junk. Instead of being kind of hidden-in-plain-sight by the red briefs, you’d just have a huge blue bulge. Seriously, it’ll call attention to it.
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: Well, can we add some extra needless lines to the costume that point directly to his penis?
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: Sure, why not?
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: Awesome.
Hollywood Studio Exec #2: Care for another mountain of cocaine?
Hollywood Studio Exec #1: You know it!

Admittedly, I’m already in a bad mood today because of the Star Wars Blu-ray shit, but these new pics of Henry Cavill’s Superman outfit are pissing me off. Not because of his penis — although it does seem far more prominent without the shorts — but because of this bullshit extra lines/pieces/Kryptonian armor nonsense going around, both here and in the DCnU. Hey, remember when Superman actually considered Earth his adopted home and had his earthling mom make his suit? I’m not saying the latter needs to happen, but I don’t get why Superman has to wear Kryptonian fucking armor instead of his regular outfit that he’s been wearing for the past 80 years. It’s like if an American went to Russia, yelled to everyone that Russia was his adopted home and that he considered himself Russian now, but then wore a goddamn cowboy outfit all the time.