Video Games

Square Enix Is Determined to Screw Up Dragon Quest as Much as It Has Final Fantasy

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Dragon Quest VIII was a great, great game. Utilizing the peak of the PS2’s power, it was old-school RPG charm made as gorgeous as technology allowed, and was a ton of fun. Dragon Quest IX was another classic-style RPG, made beautiful… but for the Nintendo DS. Handheld games aren’t my cup of tea, but lots of people love their DS, especially in Japan, and Dragon Quest is significantly more beloved in Japan than it is here, so it makes perfect sense. All fine and good.

Now Square Enix has revealed some details about the highly anticipated Dragon Quest X, and I think we can all stop highly anticipating it. Mostly because it’s an MMORPG… on the Wii. Ignoring whether Dragon Quest’s very simple gameplay is even suited to an MMORPG — and ignoring the debacle that has been Square’s last MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIVreally? The Wii? You’re going to put an MMORPG of the console of friend codes and shit? Maybe that will fly in Japan — based purely on the strength of DQ‘s popularity, and certainly not the Wii’s network capabilities — but not in America.

Especially since Square Enix is GOING TO CHARGE A MONTHLY FEE TO PLAY THE GAME. ON THE WII. Oh, AND YOU CAN ONLY PLAY SINGLE-PLAYER FOR A FEW HOURS BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PLAY ONLINE. AND PAY. BECAUSE THERE IS NO SINGLE-PLAYER MODE.

This is the only solution I can think of for what Square Enix is doing: Back in the ’80s, Square Enix killed someone’s dad. That kid grew up, heart full of revenge, changed his name, and got hired by Square Enix. Now a high-ranking corporate employee of the company, he is making the worst, stupidest, most transparently evil decisions possible regarding its hit game franchises in order to destroy the company from within. And he’s doing a damned fine job of it, too. (Via Kotaku)

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.