Criterion, makers of the fun Burnout series, has decided to promote their Kinect-based Burnout Crash game by putting a pitiful celebrity in a funny outfit — in this case, David Hasselhoff in a chicken suit. That’s fine. This sort of thing happens all the time. Next year some game commercial will star Charlie Sheen in an ape suit. I’m not worried or impressed or upset or anything. And Burnout Crash looks reasonably fun if you want to deal with a Kinect, which I don’t.
I’m mainly posting this because I want to know when David Hasselhoff became the most terrifying man alive. Seriously, those close-up? I was genuinely scared, and he was just an image on my computer screen. If I ever saw Hasselhoff in a dark alley, chicken suit or no, I don’t know whether I would shit my pants in terror or faint in fear first, but I’d definitely do both. Jesus. Someone call Stephen King and the Howling people. the new true face of terror has been found.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.