Movies, Toys

DO NOT WANT

0

From the press release:

The National Entertainment Collectibles Association,
Inc. (NECA) announced today that it has entered into an agreement with
Universal Partnerships & Licensing to produce consumer products
around the 30th Anniversary of the film E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial next
year.




An unforgettable adventure filled with unparalleled magic and
imagination, E.T: The Extra Terrestrial, follows the moving story of a
lost little alien who befriends 10-year-old Elliott. Director Steven
Spielberg’s heartwarming masterpiece is one of the brightest stars in
motion picture history, and it continues to captivate audiences around
the world.




Merchandise will include action figures, plush, toys, bobble heads,
giftware, and more. Initial product launch will begin in March 2012.



“We’re very excited to bring E.T. back to toy shelves and to new
generations of fans and collectors worldwide,” said Randy Falk, Director
of Product Development at NECA.

GODDAMMIT WHY WOULD WE WANT TO EXPOSE A NEW GENERATION TO THE HORRORS OF E.T.?! WHY WOULD WE WANT THEM TO SEE THE SCROTUM-BASED ALIEN ON TOY SHELVES, DESPERATELY TRYING TO POKE PEOPLE WITH THEIR GLOWING FINGERS?! WHY WOULD ANYONE WILLINGLY CHOOSE TO MAKE ANOTHER TOY OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE?!

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?I don’t want to overreact, but I think the only possible solution here is to shoot NECA’s offices into the sun. And maybe bomb a few Chinese toy factories, just to be safe. For the children.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.