?It’s kind of funny that this weekend’s TR contest was about pornographying science fiction and fantasy books. Because for all the filthy titles and naughty puns, I don’t think any classic sci-fi novel could possibly get more fucked than Isaac Asimov’s Foundation novel, were it to be made by director Roland Emmerich of the American Godzilla and The Patriot infamy. Now, Emmerich’s had the rights to Foundation for quite some time, but nothing’s happened with it… until now. From Deadline:
Sony Pictures has hired Dante Harper to adapt Foundation, the
groundbreaking Isaac Asimov science fiction trilogy which Roland
Emmerich is developing to direct. Emmerich has been attached since the
studio acquired the property in early 2009 when he and former
Centropolis partner Michael Wimer won a multi-studio auction as the
rights became available.
Harper broke onto the scene with a Timothy McVeigh biopic called Dreamland that Plan B is producing. He wrote Black Hole for David Fincher at Paramount and did the production rewrite worl in Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, which stars Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton. Harper’s big sale came when his script All You Need is Kill was acquired by Warner Bros.
Seriously, if this movie actually happens, I am 100% confident it will be the worst big-budget sci-fi flick ever… or at least the one that I detest the most (and, as you guys know, I can hate quite a bit). I love Foundation — love it — but it cannot be made into a movie that mass audiences want to see. The closest thing to a hero is an old man with a good idea. It covers thousands of years and is about saving humanity through knowledge and science and math. Anyone trying to make a hit movie out of that will have to change the plot so much as to make the book unrecognizable.
And Roland Emmerich isn’t just “anyone,” he’s the worst fucking big budget director working today. And yes, I include Michael Bay in that. I can’t stand Bay, but I will totally admit the man knows how to shoot an action scene (even if he drags them on way too long and they make no sense). Emmerich has all of Bay’s flaws and none of his talent. Letting him direct Foundation would be like… like… fuck, I honestly can’t think of an analogy that better encapsulates the mismatch of non-talent and great art. Maybe if someone hired Stephanie Meyer to write a Blade Runner sequel. Maybe.