When Jon M. Chu was announced as the director of G.I. Joe: Retaliation, I expressed some concern, and by “concern” I mean “profanity.” I mean, Chu had only ever directed Step Up sequels and the Justin Beiber concert movie, so I don’t think I was wrong, technically, to have some reservations. And then, this happened:
The fucking G.I. Joe: Retaliation trailer came out. Holy shit, people. Guns. Real guns. Military vehicles. I think those were Rattlers that bombed the Joe camp. Epic locales. COBRA COMMANDER IN HIS FUCKING MASK. The Rock. THE ROCK STANDING LIKE A TOTAL BADASS IN A WELL WHILE BULLETS FLY ALL AROUND HIM. Ninjas. NINJA FIGHT ON THE SIDE OF A CLIFF. SNAKE EYES WITHOUT LIPS. Bruce Willis as the original Joe making a shitty quip! WE’RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, PEOPLE.
If someone put a gun to my head and I had to find one thing to nitpick about, it might be that the A-Team-esque “Joes on the run” schtick is a little played out. However, if that schtick brings us scenes as breathtakingly fabulous as COBRA BANNERS BEING PUT ON THE WHITE HOUSE, I AM 100% OKAY WITH THIS.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.