How to Make the Phantom Menace Look Even More Awful

WARNING: DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO. It’s an official Star Wars promo, designed to get kids — kids too young to have seen The Phantom Menace in theaters when it came out in ’99 — to watch the movie in 3-D. It might be fine if you’re a kid without particularly discerning tastes, but for adults it’s video equivalent of the Bataan Death March. Seriously, if this narrator wasn’t riding a skateboard with a backwards baseball cap on when recording this, I’ll eat one of my empty scotch bottles. The best worst part, as Badass Digest rightly points out: When the narrator says, “Hurry up, Qui-Gon, you don’t want to be late for the celebration!” As you might recall, QUI-GON IS COMPLETELY DEAD AT THAT POINT IN THE MOVIE AND ALSO THEY SET HIS CORPSE ON FIRE. So he might be a touch tardy, kids.