WARNING: DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO. It’s an official Star Wars promo, designed to get kids — kids too young to have seen The Phantom Menace in theaters when it came out in ’99 — to watch the movie in 3-D. It might be fine if you’re a kid without particularly discerning tastes, but for adults it’s video equivalent of the Bataan Death March. Seriously, if this narrator wasn’t riding a skateboard with a backwards baseball cap on when recording this, I’ll eat one of my empty scotch bottles. The best worst part, as Badass Digest rightly points out: When the narrator says, “Hurry up, Qui-Gon, you don’t want to be late for the celebration!” As you might recall, QUI-GON IS COMPLETELY DEAD AT THAT POINT IN THE MOVIE AND ALSO THEY SET HIS CORPSE ON FIRE. So he might be a touch tardy, kids.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.